It was an illusion

[Think About It...]

I also know what this is like. I was handed a parting gift of a RO from my ex. It shut me out of her life suddenly and I had a child to her. The ex had the same gift before me. You are not alone. I know what this feels like. It's been almost two years since I have seen her and my child. Not a thing.

[bpdlover]

I also know what this is like. I was handed a parting gift of a RO from my ex. It shut me out of her life suddenly and I had a child to her. The ex had the same gift before me. You are not alone. I know what this feels like. It's been almost two years since I have seen her and my child. Not a thing.

[bostonmom]

Feb 1st, I move back to the town, I left when he kicked me to the curb ... and I'm renting temp., while I rebuild the money I spent enjoying a "good life" with him ... and bc I have a large dog, it is challenging to find a landlord willing to welcome a Labrador.
...Well I found an accomodating Landlord ... in the same complex where my ex-finace owns his townhouse. 
Unbelievable to every person I know, I'll be looking out my window at his front door/driveway ...and he has to drive by mine to access his townhouse.
... I'm returning to town, with my head held high ... I was not willing to rent a "lower grade" of housing that what I've been accustomed to ~ and I insist on living in town ... so he can suck it up, bc I'm BACK EFFECTIVE WEDNESDAY.

In no way am I interested in him romantically ... I've actually begun to go on a few dates with a gentleman in town ( and I told this to BPD ... bc if he saw me with someone, I wanted to for warn him ) BPD said he was happy for me... truth is it reduces the shame he has for being a fraud ... and wasting my time, energy & compassionate soul.    Wednesday is moving day ... and with the emotional detachment I have towards him, I am focused on ME & MY future! ...

[bpdlover]

Stay firm on this! Sounds great! Take reality with both hands and let those who practice love fraud live their hidden lives behind closed doors playing mind and emotional games. You are better than that!

[tzwong]

bostonmom

:D all the best to you!

Just to share a funny bit of conicidence, my uBODgf kicked me out of the apartment 2 weeks before Christmas as well. She let me stay until I found a new place (yes, she let me stay in OUR home), but she moved her new BF in the next day.

Feb 1 is my move in day for the new place as well (it is just down the street from where I am now, I refused to break up my day-to-day routine over this, esp since I just started a new job...coincidentally in real estate research). The non-enmeshed non destroyed by BPD parts of me are VERY excited to move out and move on as well.

Stay focused on yourself .

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[Mauser]

I was just diagnosed with shingles last Friday - brought on by the extreme stress of having him in my life

Ohhhhh... big hugs... been there, done that.   Also caused by extreme stress in my r/s. Ugh! So sorry.

[sadblueeyes]

Stay firm on this! Sounds great! Take reality with both hands and let those who practice love fraud live their hidden lives behind closed doors playing mind and emotional games. You are better than that!

Bpdlover, that's exactly what it is! Love fraud. My best friend just told me yesterday that he's committing crimes. I am presently watching from afar as he plays his games with the new one. It really is an eyeopener! Games...all it is and ever was.

[bpdlover]

Yeah it's so sad. I saw a lot of potential in my ex. Once I was clear of her for enough time to get perspective, I could see the amount of lies she told. You just want to tell them when you are with them, that no matter how little they think of themselves, someone believes in you. You end up trying to reparent them and make up for the lack in their childhoods. Probably because we also have those needs in different ways. I will always want her to have a good life but the outlook is bleak.

[bostonmom]

tzwong : I'm staying focused on ME, thank YOU ... I wish you well ...

[Finished]

Yeah it's so sad. I saw a lot of potential in my ex.

OH YEAH! I saw all this potential in my ex. LOTS AND LOTS OF IT. He was smart and creative and could be insightful. Great qualities. Like you, I thought he just needed encouragement. Part of the illusion is that I was partially in love with the potential. Not the reality standing in front of me.

[ellil]

Yeah it's so sad. I saw a lot of potential in my ex. Once I was clear of her for enough time to get perspective, I could see the amount of lies she told. You just want to tell them when you are with them, that no matter how little they think of themselves, someone believes in you. You end up trying to reparent them and make up for the lack in their childhoods. Probably because we also have those needs in different ways. I will always want her to have a good life but the outlook is bleak.

Same! My ex is a genius with such keen insight into people. He has his j.d. and ph.d. in psychology. He is good with his hands too, and gorgeous...very well spoken...he cant sing though....

Such a shame. I fell in love with his potential too and thought if he could only see i would not abandon him, everything would be ok.

M

[Clearmind]

Falling in love with the potential is riddled with fantasy thoughts. I too fell in love with the potential - "if only I had supported him more, gave more money, home more, validated more...". This is not a mutual r/s based on trust and respect - its trying to balance on a 3 legged chair.

Regardless of what you do, the fears are so great it falters. Our own fears are something to consider as to why we chose a r/s like this. Thinking back to that very first meeting and the week after that ~ the antics we saw in the end of the r/s are not the only things to consider ~ the   stemmed way back.

I had my ex telling me on the first date how woeful his life is, how everyone misunderstands him ~ Through my own dysfunction I was hooked.

[bpdlover]

Potential is fantasy. I would have preferred my ex to see me as the person I am. There is more than potential as I have achieved many things and have a lot of heart. Isn't it amazing we got hooked so easily. I did know better and had worked so hard to get a backbone for the previous decade. She managed to convince me that there were legitimate reasons for her to remain stuck and have so much potential. Silly boy.

[Finished]

Potential is fantasy.

That could become a mantra ... Seriously ... I should remember that one so that I never do this agian.

[Clearmind]

Potential is fantasy. I would have preferred my ex to see me as the person I am. There is more than potential as I have achieved many things and have a lot of heart. Isn't it amazing we got hooked so easily. I did know better and had worked so hard to get a backbone for the previous decade. She managed to convince me that there were legitimate reasons for her to remain stuck and have so much potential. Silly boy.

Reminding ourselves that we are worthy of achievement and listening out as to whether words = actions! That's my new mantra  .