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Think About It... Acceptance doesn't mean you approve; it doesn't mean you're happy about something; it doesn't mean you won't work to change the situation or your response to it, but it does mean that you acknowledge reality as it is--with all its sadness, humor, irony, and gifts--at a particular point in time...~ Freda B. Friedman, Ph.D., LCSW, Surviving a Borderline Parent
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Author Topic: Aspergers and BPD  (Read 3767 times)
argyle
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« Reply #40 on: February 06, 2012, 10:37:15 AM »

Depends - Asperger's are more likely to succeed at suicide, to do black and white thinking, and to be frustrated with normal life.  They may also, rationally, fear abandonment and believe they are unable to make it on their own. My guess is that many Asperger's also have muted emotional responses, so they are not so at risk for BPD.  However, autism tends to run in families.  And, people with the social skills of a 2 year old often resort to physical tantrums.* Now, imagine a 6'4 grown man throwing a toddler tantrum and a 5'1 woman joining in.  Then, assume that the usual escalating cycle of abuse sets in.

Voila, extraordinarily abusive environment for children to grow up BPD in.  That, and, in one instance, I've heard of an Aspie whose Aspie father didn't understand sexual norms and who, fairly innocently, sexually abused her.

Mind you, I went to school with a lot of Aspies and am probably a bit Aspie myself and they were mostly more pleasant than the NTs - but there's variability in everything.

--Argyle
*This is actually why many boys are diagnosed with Aspergers - the violent tantrums are quite noticeable.
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heronbird
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« Reply #41 on: February 06, 2012, 12:18:27 PM »

Gosh, very interesting, and does seem similar to BPD. I didnt realise
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Vivgood
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« Reply #42 on: February 06, 2012, 01:22:38 PM »

Well, from the interior/personal perspective... wink

BPD feels pretty much like Marsha Linehan described it-
"Borderline individuals are the psychological equivalent of third-degree-burn patients. They simply have, so to speak, no emotional skin. Even the slightest touch or movement can create immense suffering."

Being an Aspie ain't so bad. tough as a kid in school (well, more than tough, horrible bullying), but as an adult, I would not choose to be NT.

Both are amenable to tx, but the tx for BPD is HARD...for me, memorizing and imitating "social cues" has been a lifelong endevor, but not really difficult. And as an adult living/working in academic research...eh, we're expected to be a little "off". I don't know anywhere that being Borderline would be an advantage...maybe acting?  And it wouldn't be worth it even with a showcase full of Academy Awards! ;p


IMO
vivgood
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tiredmommy2
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« Reply #43 on: February 06, 2012, 02:27:11 PM »

Quote
BPD feels pretty much like Marsha Linehan described it-
"Borderline individuals are the psychological equivalent of third-degree-burn patients. They simply have, so to speak, no emotional skin. Even the slightest touch or movement can create immense suffering."
This sounds horrible.   

Quote
Being an Aspie ain't so bad. tough as a kid in school (well, more than tough, horrible bullying), but as an adult, I would not choose to be NT.
It makes me happy to hear you say this. Although I feel horrible for the things (bullying, teasing) that my daughter has to endure, I think she's awesome just the way she is. Being an Aspie is what makes her cool and really funny! I will say that if the bullying gets out of hand, I will pull her out of school and hire someone to teach her at home. I won't take the risk of her being traumatized to a point where she could develop BPD too.
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Vivgood
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« Reply #44 on: February 06, 2012, 03:51:08 PM »

Quote
I will say that if the bullying gets out of hand, I will pull her out of school and hire someone to teach her at home. I won't take the risk of her being traumatized to a point where she could develop BPD too.

Good plan!

you're a good, if tired, mommy! grin

vivgood
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Lempicka
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« Reply #45 on: February 06, 2012, 04:32:48 PM »

It's very common for autistic/aspie kids to end up being abused by their families, too, because the families don't know quite how to deal with them.
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tiredmommy2
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« Reply #46 on: February 06, 2012, 04:39:42 PM »

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It's very common for autistic/aspie kids to end up being abused by their families, too, because the families don't know quite how to deal with them.
It breaks my heart to hear this. They are additional challenges in raising an autistic child, but with once a diagnosis is made, there is so much support available. I have always worked very closely with my Aspie daughter's teachers and therapists, and whenever I had any problems or questions, they were always there for me. Hearing this just makes me want to run out and adopt autistic children.  cry

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Good plan!

you're a good, if tired, mommy!
Thank you, Vivgood. 
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"Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness" - James Thurber
thinking
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« Reply #47 on: February 07, 2012, 12:03:56 AM »

Just to add, my mom and grandma wondered if my BPDd had autism as a baby. She was happiest at times just left in her bouncer. Never a snuggler as an infant or small child. Suprisingly, she was born a self-soother. Slept 8 hours the night we brought her home (the sleeping prolems began around 3). She was just very particlar about different materials against her skin and didn't want to be held or wrapped tightly in a blanket.  ?
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Reality
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« Reply #48 on: February 08, 2012, 08:17:15 PM »

thinking
Interesting, as my BPDs23 used to sit in his little lounge chair, sometimes for hours, just looking around, when he was just 3 or 4 months old.  He could be by himself and it was fine.  Beautiful sleeper as infant, but once he started moving, he couldn't self-sooth at night, so I would read to him, sometimes for several hours as he would listen calmly and he was very relaxed, having me right beside him.  My other son would read quietly in bed and just go to sleep after a kiss and snuggle and prayers. 
My BPDs23 still talks about the feel of the material of his clothes and always wants to wear the softest cotton ones.
Reality

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heronbird
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« Reply #49 on: February 09, 2012, 04:02:39 AM »

Reality, you sound like a lovely mum, I can hardly remember my dd when she was that young, I mean course I remember some things, but I always feel I was maybe a bit too busy or something, If she cried because she couldnt sleep Id do my best but in the end I used to just leave her because I thought she had to learn and I had to sleep and out 3 others had to sleep for school.
Now I wish I could have that time again I would comfort her so much more, I think I took it for granted that they were always going to be little and cute
 Doing the right thing
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