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Think About It... Defending our boundaries is more than a response in times of conflict - it's a lifestyle. Learn how to get in touch with your values, define and communicate boundaries of those values, and defend against boundary busters. ~ Skip
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Author Topic: here's my latest story  (Read 327 times)
rickstone
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« on: February 11, 2012, 11:29:50 AM »

My ex BPD disorder grilfriend left me 6 months ago.  it took a few months to get over her, but i did, even though she's tried to recycle me,
i can see through the manipulation and i keep her at a distance.  besides, i've only seen her twice in six months.

so i joined a dating site and met a woman online.  the first red flag was that right after we intiated contact and started chatting and decided to meet, she blocked me from her email!  what?  then a day or so later she asked me to join facebook.  to check me out?

well, i thought maybe she just got cold feet, but i thought it was real odd.  but she recontacted me and wanted to meet me, so i did.
we started dating real slow.  just meeting for coffee, or dinner.
she seemed very quiet, nice and sweet, not very expressive.

it was only about after three weeks that we made love, not sex, but she intiated 'making out' deep toungue kissing all that.
i loved it cause hadnt had that in two years, since my exBPD gf was frigid.
finally after one month dating, we had sex. 
theres some odd things about her.  first is in three months, shes never once told me that im handsome or good looking.
shes very non expressive and says very little really great things about me, yet she makes love to me, and when i ask her if i can do
this or that, she says "you can do anything you want"  what?
the nicest thing she has said about me, is "when i think of you, it makes me smile" and "i like thinking about you".

the other odd thing was that 5 weeks after we started dating, i saw her on facebook giving a 'come on' to some guy.
well, i thought, weve only been dating a month, but for someone who says they are very careful and have dated much in the last 8 years since her divorce, i  was kind of pissed, and thought about confronting her, but i didnt.  she would aslo talk about acouple of her male friends
'only friends', but they way she said 'he's real nice', made me wonder.

then right after xmass, she did a dissapearing act for three days, wouldnt answer my texts or phone calls.
when she finally called me after three days, she apologized, said she was sorry and depressed about not seeing her family for xmass and didnt want to talk to anyone.  so i let it go, and the next few weeks were great and we had sex a couple of times, she called me 'her boyfriend' and me 'babe'.

then about three weeks ago, her mom died and she was in tears, and really broken up.  i tried to be supportive and took her to the airport and she kept in touch and when she got back form her home state, she was really unhappy, but she still called me her babe and thanked me for helping her so much, et.

but then 10 days ago we had a date where she dropped a bombshell on me.  she said she was missing her family too much and she was thinking about moving back east .  one thing that gave me another red flag was that that night she talked about her male friend and 'im going to have to call him and thank him for recomending a auto repair shop'.  well , i was devasted becasue she had always told me she would never go back there and that would be the end of us, and we got along so well, could spend hours together.  but after a day or so, i got over it and realized that things changed and i cant blame her for wanting to be with her family.

so i tried to be supportive and give her space.

shes dissapeared on me again.  although, she does answer my texts real polite, nothing affectionate. she doesnt return my calls.
she has not intitated contact for 10 days. when i asked to see her, she said 'call me tomorrow' so i did and she never returned my call.  shes giving me the brush off big time

well, i suspect its another guy has replaced me; so be it.  either that, or shes decided to move back east and doesnt want any complications, and doesnt want to talk to me about it.

im just wondering though.  ill probably never see her or talk to her again, and although im sad, i really think i will get over it fairly quickly, maybe a couple of weeks, but i cant help but wondering if i havent just dealt with another personality disorder?

maybe not BPD, no tantrums or outburst, in fact just the opposite, non communication! but definetley some odd things going on here!

i know i rambled, and maybe nobody will read this, but maybe some of you all will tell me what you think

thanks

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WalrusGumboot
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Two years out and getting better all the time!


« Reply #1 on: February 11, 2012, 12:43:58 PM »

It's really hard to tell. You cannot be swift to label her as a PD. She might be seeing somebody else, or others. Have you had any kind of agreement to be exclusively dating just each other? If not, then you don't have any say on the matter. If you have, then you have a right to know if she is breaking her end of the agreement.

My question to you is, is she your only dating prospect? It sounds like you need to expand your horizons a bit. I wouldn't get too emotionally involved with this woman for the time being.

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"If your're going through hell, keep going..." Winston Churchill
rickstone
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« Reply #2 on: February 11, 2012, 03:27:07 PM »

hey Walrus;

thanks for your opinion.  no she has never agreed to be exclusive.  i have expressed my feelings that i want to have an exclusive relationship, and she had stated a few weeks ago that she wasnt seeing anyone else, but she has never formally agreed to anything.  so you're right.  i really have no say in the matter.  she is free.

and you are right also, i shouldnt get to emotionally involved.  its tough for me since im a romantic.
but thats part of the game.  play and you might get hurt.

im not suggesting shes PD although i suspect she might be a depressive.

im seeing another woman, but i dont really like her even though she comes on to me and keeps calling me, i just meet her for dinner and dont kiss her.

i take your advise seriously.  i need to move on and try to find someone who will be exclusive.
its tough to find people thats for sure, but patience and vigilance
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JustSaying
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« Reply #3 on: February 11, 2012, 11:16:20 PM »

I see the give-and-take of a nascent relationship. Some become something and some don't. When they don't, it doesn't mean anyone has done anything wrong. It is what it is; it isn't what it isn't.
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