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Think About It.... Most high-conflict families have one or both parents who exhibit either narcissistic, obsessive-compulsive, histrionic, paranoid, or borderline traits. They may have parents who become rigid in their perception of the other and tend to deal with things in their extremes. The parents are polarized, viewing themselves as all good and the other as all bad. These parents focus on the traits within the other parent that reinforce this perception, and they approach each new conflict as verification of just how difficult the other parent is. These parents experience chronic externalization of blame, possessing little insight into their own role in the conflicts. They usually have little empathy for the impact of this conflict on their children. They routinely feel self-justified, believing that their actions are best for their children.. ~ Philip M. Stahl, Ph.D.
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Author Topic: Please help -- My UBPDxwife is damagin D7's school life  (Read 945 times)
Matt
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« Reply #20 on: February 13, 2012, 10:50:44 AM »

In my experience in my area, schools do not try very hard at all to assist the reasonable parent who is not the residential parent (RP) to become the residential parent.

Of course they don't see that as their job (though it would be better for the child if they helped more in many cases).

They probably see their job as first covering their own behinds - avoiding lawsuits - and second, avoiding getting sucked into drama, and third educating all the kids.  That doesn't leave much room for helping a parent in a custody case, even a parent they wish well.

There is always the option to subpoena a teacher or someone else from the school.  I didn't do that, but I was counseled to call anyone I thought might be good to have testify, and tell them they would be subpoenaed, so they wouldn't be blind-sided.  I would have made those calls just a few days before the trial, but we didn't go to trial so I never did.
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« Reply #21 on: February 14, 2012, 08:22:18 AM »

I think it's a conundrum for teachers and counselors regarding custody battles. Even if they have a clear opinion, there are risks to them in "taking sides". As we all know, pwPDs can make someone's life miserable if they feel abused or unfairly maligned in some way. A teacher or counselor who takes the non's side might find him/herself not only in legal hot water but the target of a smear campaign themselves.  As someone said a counselor said to them, "why would I take that risk for your child?"

Not to mention that the disordered person is usually so good at distortions that the teachers/counselors are never quite sure what the "truth" is and don't want to come down on the wrong side, testifying for one parent who turns out to be the abusive one. I think being "neutral" is at least better than being a negative advocate.

If they are subpoena'd, they at least have the out of saying that they had no choice but to give the information asked of them.
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Matt
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« Reply #22 on: February 14, 2012, 09:04:50 AM »

If they are subpoena'd, they at least have the out of saying that they had no choice but to give the information asked of them.

Exactly.

We don't have to ask them to take sides, only to answer questions truthfully about what they have seen and heard.  Same as any other adult who might be required to testify.
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GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?

The focus of this board is about understanding the child, their needs, and supporting them in an intelligent and non self-sacrificing way.

If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are divorced, please go to Rebuilding our Life. If your topic is mostly about legal/custody issues, please go to Family law, Divorce, and Custody. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are still married, please go to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner. If you need help moving a thread, please contact a moderator. We are glad to help. :)

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