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VIDEO: Validation -- encouraging peace in a "BPD" family Alan Fruzzetti Ph.D. provides an in-depth explanation of validating and invalidating communications and the importance of creating a validating environment for the entire family. This is a "must see" for any family that has a family member who has a highly sensitive personality or who may be suffering from BPD.

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Author Topic: A turn for the books... a little suspicious... but need help...  (Read 411 times)
HappyGoLucky
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« on: February 20, 2012, 04:40:51 PM »

My DD psychiatrist is going to phone me today apparently... My DD phoned my 3 times at work to make sure that I would be home for the phone call today. I need to sit by the phone and wait...She has mentioned that it is life and death!

My DD is across the country... homeless and in hospital for a few weeks while they get her medication right.

Been through this before... it is a place to stay before she works out what to do to move on.

We have been told that she is buying a car and this is what she will live in when she moves on.

Meanwhile... DD will not speak to my husband, has made threats against us and lied about being pregnant so that I will go and see her.

I know that she is hurting badly... but... I cannot help her... I cannot solve her problems. I cannot go and see her. I am not prepared to put her up in a motel room with me as basically I am frightened of her unpredictability. I just won't put myself in that position. This is the nature of her crisis... do something wrong, get in trouble, call for mum's help, cry that she needs to see me, then when I stick to my guns, she gets over it, moves on with some guy, we don't hear from her while she is getting what she wants, then it gets bad, she does something wrong... then we go through all of this again. DD knows that she is required to take her medication but she will not comply with that either... it seems that the drugs and alcohol do a better job... but at some point she needs to come down... and that's when I cop it all.

I an writing this... wondering what to do... should I ring the crisis care line in my state and have a chat... maybe they could verify where she is and contact her doctor

But... I am waiting next to the phone... my husband say's that I should not answer it... because it will be the same old story and we have no control over the situation... I am torn... this morning.

It was interesting yesterday... DD saying that she wished I was dead and hung up only to ring back again. I have not had any conversations where I can validate her feelings, all she does is rant and then I can't even have a rational conversation with her.

Any thoughts appreciated

Happygolucky

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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
If you are no longer in contact with your child please post on Estranged from a Son or Daughter Suffering From BPD.
HappyGoLucky
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« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2012, 07:15:31 PM »

I had the phone call...

I gave a brief history of what has been going on...

I actually think that this psychiatrist listened to what I had to say.

Oh boy! I actually heard empathy... from him

I now hope that with some of the history... things can be put in place for DD.

The trouble is you can't make them do anything... They have to want to do it...

One positive thing... DD did take herself to hospital to get help...

Happygolucky
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Battle Weary
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« Reply #2 on: February 20, 2012, 10:16:40 PM »

Happygolucky,

While I haven't been through what you have, I would have taken the call too on the off chance the P was really trying to understand the situation by getting some history from the family.  It sounds like this is what happened.  I am pulling for you and her--perhaps this will be the time it turns around.
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thinking
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« Reply #3 on: February 20, 2012, 11:36:16 PM »

They listened  smiley It's a start. I actually watched something on youtube from a Dr. in Boston who specializes in BPD. He runs an rtc. He was saying that when a child is hospitalized (any age) they should not have visitors. It re-enforces the negative behavior. So use that piece of advice from the experts and don't feel bad for not running to her. Run to her when things are good, not when things are falling down.
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