Well this is my first post, in undecided. Although, thinking about it, i don't really think it is my choice at this point. My uBPDw, pretty much told a person she confides in, that she moving out, and just straight filing for divorce. A little background, we have been together for about 13-14 years now. married for a little under 4 years now. Man i wish i would have seen this board prior to getting married. So many redflags i dont even know where to start.
First off, abandonment issues have always been terrible, first sign of anything going wrong, she has always wanted just leave. somehow i have always talked her out of it, and convince her to just stay and talk it through. It usually worked, but was slightly painful dragging it out. Very fullfilling in the end.
Second of all, i never really knew how jealous she was, when others took my attention away from her. Being a semi professional glamor photographer, i was always around other women, scantily clad, but i always out of respect had her meet them prior, to show, "hey i am not hiding anything". Things always seemed fine. I hear from her friend that she talks to tonite, that she was always a very jealous person, and had actually spoke to her about it on countless occassions. (wish i would have known)
Ive learned alot from these boards, but man i just dont see how everyone can just kind of deal with things, after years ive been dealing with this, unknowing to me, it has severely damaged me. Which i am hoping to start my therapy this week if all goes well to help regain my life to an extent.
I dont know though, as much as i would love to regain my life, i still love my wife. She tells me with a straight face, i just dont love you anymore, and i believe signed a lease for a apartment. (note on that, ive heard two different stories on that subject from different sources, including herself). I honestly dont mind the seperating for a while. maybe do my therapy, maybe a couple months apart will work for the possible relationship.
But my major question here, ive read alot of how to talk to a BP, honestly, i am still new, and alot of it sitll isnt making sense. I know it wont be a miracle cure, and she will wake up tommorow, and be like oh im cured.
I think over the years, i have fell into the victim role, no matter how hard i tried, it wasnt good enough, and i never understood why. all makes sense now of course, but man. i am soo lost. I feel destroyed inside, My wife wants to leave, Ive heard soo many different stories from alot of people, i started questioning the true stories that i know are going on.
Hopefully my own therapy to cope with all of this, will be able to get me back on track. But at the same time, i feel like im losing everything right now. Is there any way that anyone knows of, or has done, that will kind of diffuse the situation? i honestly dont mind seperating for 6 months to a year, just to get our heads straight. Well my head at least to start.
. i am in full understanding that i cant make anyone do anything they dont want too, BUt something inside me says, i can get through to her. i just need more time.
maybe im still just a hopeless romantic like that. But i do still believe in soul mates, brain disorders or not. i took a vow. i know i need to stay healthy myself, but sometimes sitting in the dirt with my wife, is where the biggest problems get solved. maybe im just way to optimistic. Trying to create hope where it might not exist. oh well i can dream...
sorry for the long post, im just in a writing mood tonite, its better i write here, than writing the wife a email that probably wont help my cause.