Did you ever feel their soul?

[Think About It...]

Reading the cold hands and feet thread, and agree - same here.

But something different. Today I curl up in fetal position crying because of my
husband who passed years ago - and the Whitney Houston song that says
"a moment in the soul can last forever"..

Well I felt my husband's soul - before he lost it. I felt my youngest daughter's
soul when she was a baby and still do today - she's not an emotional basket
case - she's very private and reserved - but I FEEL HER SOUL...

My BPDD - oldest daughter - I have never FELT her soul. I have never admitted this until right now - but even thru all her suicide attempts - I hold her hand and it's cold and her tears they just don't seem real - and there's like this veil over her or a wall or what is it?

Even as a baby - I could never FEEL HER SOUL! What is wrong? Is it me? I am an intuitive empathic person confirmed by many therapists .. I FEEL people.

I have never FELT my BPDD.. What is wrong?

Anyone else ? I am NOT crazy - I am NOT on drugs - I just never FELT her- WHY?

[parent of bpd daughter]

Reading the cold hands and feet thread, and agree - same here.

But something different. Today I curl up in fetal position crying because of my
husband who passed years ago - and the Whitney Houston song that says
"a moment in the soul can last forever"..

Well I felt my husband's soul - before he lost it. I felt my youngest daughter's
soul when she was a baby and still do today - she's not an emotional basket
case - she's very private and reserved - but I FEEL HER SOUL...

My BPDD - oldest daughter - I have never FELT her soul. I have never admitted this until right now - but even thru all her suicide attempts - I hold her hand and it's cold and her tears they just don't seem real - and there's like this veil over her or a wall or what is it?

Even as a baby - I could never FEEL HER SOUL! What is wrong? Is it me? I am an intuitive empathic person confirmed by many therapists .. I FEEL people.

I have never FELT my BPDD.. What is wrong?

Anyone else ? I am NOT crazy - I am NOT on drugs - I just never FELT her- WHY?

[lurchlookalike]

I understand that, and no you don't seem crazy at all.

You don't feel it, not because it isn't there, but because as you said there's a veil over it and unless she's able to let go of that she will continue to seem unreal. As a baby, that goes a little deeper but people don't come into this life the same. If you confine everything to the assumption that there's just 1 and only 1 lifetime it narrows your vision but if you see it as many that changes your perspective entirely.

Most of us have some degree of a veil. Freedom comes with opening a way to let the hidden splendor out. With this illness I think they are cloaked with layers of mental armor to the point that you never feel that you're dealing with the real person, their soul. This isn't necessarily true in every case, and there are many degrees of BPD. Sometimes such a person will let their guard down completely and at times you catch a glimpse of them, only to find that the armor is once again in place the next day.

I do sympathize with your situation a great deal. You can try to help her as much as possible but not to the point of sacrificing yourself and your entire family. It's a tough choice to make but you have to keep the overall good of everyone in mind, not just the daughter with BPD.

Much respect and best wishes!

[heronbird]

When I read the title of this, I thought you ment the soul of your pwBPD. I thought Yes I do. So different for me, I feel my BPDD17s sadness and desperation when she is desperate. I feel like I almost go through things with her when shes in a crisis.

Im not good at being intuitive, my oldest non BPD d is though,but does not always get it right I think.

Its great how we are all different

[j's friend]

I totally get what you mean parent of a BPD daughter. A few years ago before I knew anything about BPD I remember thinking "who are you?, i dont even know you!" about my d. My d never lets me get close enough to her to really know who she is. If I try to have a converstion with her she just shuts me down or gives me closed answers or just is totally evasive. I actually dont think ive felt like I have  really known the real her since she was about 3 yo. Thats when she first started telling her "stories". People used to comment on how close we were and I used to feel it to, but now it feels like im just living with a stranger most of the time.  Even when she is not manic and behaving quite normal I cant be really sure that that is my real d because it never lasts long enough, but I often wonder what it would be like if that person that I see glimpses of when d is not manic stayed. Life would be so much better Im sure of that, but In a flash that person just seems to be gone again. Its so sad that we cant seem to have that mother and daughter bond where we can just chill out together and d can have just a normal life ?

[heronbird]

I find this subject very interesting, is this a typical thing in BPD. Cos i dont have that at all, Id say I have the opposite with BPDd. But I have exactly this same issue with non BPD son 21, I dont feel like he ever wanted to know me.
So could it be some characters, this is interesting to me.
I hope you get more peoples comments

[Feathers]

BPD was once described to me as a kind of attachment disorder. When my daughter was an infant, I noticed that she would not allow me to comfort her. I felt attached to her, but she has never felt attached to me. Something is missing, and none of my efforts to bond with her over her lifetime have succeeded.  I cannot reach her, no matter how I try. It's as if she is innately incapable of feeling loved.
Is this what you mean?

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[trytrytry]

Wow, interesting thread,
When my BPDDD25 was young, I actually went to a reader of starcharts in an effort to understand her better.  On into the difficult teen age years, she talked to me alot - maybe too much!  Sometimes I get her- Sometimes there is a wall - Sometimes I think she puts up the wall in an effort to need me less.  Hard to say, cause she changes so much from day to day.
Don't know if I feel her soul, as much as I feel her sadness and lonliness.

[Dianne94]

Bits and pieces of most of these comments sound familiar to me.  When my BPDd was a teenager she would tell me that I don't know her.  And she was right.  I felt that was my fault (but then isn't everything!) Now at 21 I recognize that she only allows me see parts of her when she feels like it.  If she's needing something (money, a ride, whatever) she calls me "mommy".  Sometimes I feel a bond but it doesn't last.  I'm fascinated (and horrified) at her facebook posts.  I don't know her and I certainly don't understand her but I love her.  And as to the soul part... I don't know I never thought of it in those terms but the topic sure caught my eye.
 I too hope you get more comments on this. 

[Vivgood]

Oh yes! DD's soul is as warm as the sun! and as sweet as candy...IF you're a wounded animal!

BPD was once described to me as a kind of attachment disorder.

I do agree, in a certain sense. It is VERY hard for a BPD to feel genuine attachment. The constant interior maelstrom gets in the way. DD was very cuddly as a baby/child, and still is surprisingly affectionate as a 21yo, she sometimes lets us cuddle her when we watch TV, or rub her back or feet. Like a cat! Other times not so much.

I was into attachment parenting when she was born, so I "wore the baby like a sweater". I think it made alot of difference in her ability to function despite the BPD, and she and I still have a very strong connection. We (DD and I) read about "monkey spheres" several years ago, and we talk about both of us having small monkey spheres. Monkeys can only recognize a limited number of other monkeys, then their processing goes kerflooey and other monkeys are just identified as "other". The number varies by monkey; some monkeys can recognize a dozen, others several dozen, etc (don't remember actual numbers).


Yeah, mine calls me mummy when she wants something and "MOOOOTHER!" when she's annoyed with me. Like I couldn't tell otherwise
And I stay strictly away from her FB! I don't that sh!t in my head!
vivgood

[peaceplease]

Interesting... If I understand this right, then, yes I can feel my dd's soul.  I can see her pain.  We have been too enmeshed.   

 And, I feel that my ds resents me.  I have never felt his soul.  Perhaps, it was from me catering to my dd.  Perhaps, it was from the same sex parent being absent.  I believe that my ds truly resents me.  He definitely has issues.  I love him, as he came out of my   uterus.  But, he reminds me so much of my exh/NPD. 

[Flashlight]

I have two daughters, one 27 and the younger is 19 year old with BPD recently diagnosed. The diagnosis was a relief in some ways, it provided answers. Reading this post I remember when they both were born, 7 years apart. The communication in that first cry was astounding to me, as to both of them. I remember thinking, with my first daughter, "Oh dear God,  I didn't just have a baby, I just had a PERSON."   She is stable, methodical and purposeful, and she had an outrage in her cry, angry and a bit scared. "Take your hands off me!" it seemed to say, with real indignance. But my vulnerable little BPD had a cry that said, "OK I'll deal with this, I can handle this, OK, I'm OK." The armour was there from her first breath. Strength to us all, they need us and we need to  stay strong to help them within the safe limits we juggle. Grace and peace to all of us.

[Javlyn]

I can't say I felt her soul - I think I was in love with my DD sooo much I overlooked many things  I wanted soooo much for her ---and the more I tried to protect her from the world the worse things became ---It seems she had problems from an early age --- that I didn't recoginize as mental illness - then at 15 she became ill with a physical illness and the mental illness kind of filtered in and out. Today she is 30 yrs old and still struggles - I struggle with how much can I give her as there is a 3 yr old gson involved now and I have care of him 24/7 because my DD doesn't "see" she is not a parent. I do miss the girl who loved things in life - had a beautiful voice and tried out for plays and auditions, who laughed and enjoyed life - somewhere along the line I lost that child and am left with an adult who can't figure out how to make it from day to day without a crisis - it is exhausting for sure.   I wish I could see into her soul - if I try - all I see is her pain - whicvh leaves me in a mixed place - of how to help and not enable

[heronbird]

You are all such lovely loving commited parents, I can tell. We all did our best, we go through the emotions with our loved ones i think, we feel their hurt pain and happiness when they get that.
 

[Outsidemom]

I can't say I felt her soul - I think I was in love with my DD sooo much I overlooked many things  I wanted soooo much for her ---and the more I tried to protect her from the world the worse things became ---It seems she had problems from an early age --- that I didn't recoginize as mental illness - then at 15 she became ill with a physical illness and the mental illness kind of filtered in and out...

...I do miss the girl who loved things in life - had a beautiful voice and tried out for plays and auditions, who laughed and enjoyed life - somewhere along the line I lost that child and am left with an adult who can't figure out how to make it from day to day without a crisis - it is exhausting for sure.   I wish I could see into her soul - if I try - all I see is her pain - whicvh leaves me in a mixed place - of how to help and not enable

Almost my dd to a T, except she is 22.

[Javlyn]

it so stinks - now there is a three yr old involed and my energy is directed towards him being  okay but his mom is always an issue - I want her OUT so bad --but really not on the street although tongihts escapades make me furious... the pain is that she doesn't even see - it is always about her ---aghhhhh