Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
July 30, 2016, 06:06:32 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Moderators: Kwamina, lbjnltx, livednlearned, once removed
Member support team: eeks, C.Stein, fromheeltoheal, Turkish, Woolspinner2000
  Directory Guidelines Glossary   Boards   Help Please Donate Login Register  
Think About It... Defending our boundaries is more than a response in times of conflict - it's a lifestyle. Learn how to get in touch with your values, define and communicate boundaries of those values, and defend against boundary busters. ~ Skip
105
Pages: 1 ... 3 [4]  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: She's having an emotional affair.  (Read 1785 times)
artman.1
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 2161



« Reply #30 on: February 16, 2012, 06:03:52 PM »

There is something I feel guilty about.

I am talking to a support group about all these feelings I'm having. All this pain and confusion-yet I haven't told her about it. I feel bad for not speaking up but talking about her behind her back. I don't like it at all.

    I believe this is a help group only for you, and she should not be told you are trying to get therapudic help from this website.  This is strictly for your own mental well being and healing and of no buisiness of anyone else in the world except your own self.  You post, and recieve corrispondence in a total anonymous process.  What is up with your total honesty of your own personal issues, when she won't be honest with you in the simplest of things.  You have lost a lot of trust with her, yet you want to open your heart so she can stab you right through that heart.  You should think about what you are doing, and stop being that guy whose GF brings her lover home for him to watch them.  You are that guy, I can see that.  WOW!

Art
Logged


Site will be offline for hardware upgrades
July 30, 1 AM till ___? CST (up to 30 hours)
.
MeSoBlu


Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 28



« Reply #31 on: February 16, 2012, 06:05:25 PM »

Vatz

Will you be happy spending the next few decades dealing with the ups and downs she will bring to you? The disrespect, doubt about your self worth that her crap puts on you? I am just learning all of this. Look in the mirror and know that you are better than this. I have it written on my mirror so I see it everyday. My uBPDh is trying, but I don't ride the roller coasters too much anymore because I know it is his illness that will finish our almost 30 year marriage.  Save yourself... have your say and get away!
Logged

Site will be offline for hardware upgrades
July 30, 1 AM till ___? CST (up to 30 hours)
.
zakdzeger

Offline Offline

Posts: 4


« Reply #32 on: February 16, 2012, 07:35:31 PM »

Hey man - I think everyone here is giving you good advice. She is mentally ill - but her crazymaking has you questioning yourself whether you are the one imagining things. This is how they work. They live in a parallel universe. You are dealing with a mental illness - she is not a bad person and can't help herself. Its funny how they all behave in the same way. And comforting in a way because when you see other people's examples of the same behaviour - you begin to understand that you were not imagining things. She has totally eroded your self confidence. Think about it - if you had a picture of another girl you were flirting with as the background image on your phone, if you were bragging to her about flirting with this girl, about spending the night at this girl's place - would she accept that? And more importantly, would you have a need to rub that sort of thing in her face to hurt her and get a reaction out of her. Of course not. No normal person would. That is the line between insanity and normality. You would especially not do that to a person you are in a relationship with - because in a normal relationship you care about the other person. But they are mentally ill - you are not. You may be codependent - but certainly not mentally ill. She is. And there is nothing you can do to fix it. You can put up with her behaviour and hope it will change but I wouldn't advise it. Don't hate her for who she is. Move away from the crazy-making, work on yourself, and you will be attracted to healthier people.
« Last Edit: February 16, 2012, 07:44:27 PM by zakdzeger » Logged
PLEASE DO NOT TELL MEMBERS TO STAY OR LEAVE!
This board is for evaluating the pros and cons of staying or leaving a relationship. Please focus on evaluating options.
All members should learn to use the basic relationship tools to better manage the day to day interactions
ODGreen


Offline Offline

Posts: 26


« Reply #33 on: February 22, 2012, 09:16:28 PM »

My recommendation is to leave. You will be hurting pretty bad for several months, but by staying your will be hurting much longer...over and over and over, by the way she seems.
Logged
xeon
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 274



« Reply #34 on: February 22, 2012, 10:14:14 PM »

She would probably reply "I can talk to whoever I want, however I want. If I flirt, it's okay because that's just how I am."

I would probably say "Well, but you realize this is actually hurting me and I feel disrespected."

And she would say "It's not personal, it's not you."


Talking to this other person, and carrying on as she does has a price.[/b] The price is her SO (me) is hurt, feels disrespected, and uncomfortable.

Knowing the cost and continuing means that my hurt feelings matter less to her than this other person. Ergo, I am less valuable to her than he is.

Re-read your very own words a few times... again I've live this crap.  I've lived the I'm a flirt crap... no more, I'm done with it.  It is very personal to your SO if that is a boundary of theirs.   

I just wouldn't tuck tail and run, confront it and be prepared to walk.  If for nothing else, yourself.  You're probably not going to hear what you want to hear, but it's better to hear it as opposed to not IMO.  Is this the sort of person you want to have a relationship with long term?  Really?   
Logged
Links and Information
ARTICLES
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
5 Traits of Disorders
BPD? How can I know?
Profile: Borderline
Profile: Narcissistic
Profile: Antisocial
Treatment of BPD
Get him/her into Therapy
Series: My Child
Series: My Parent/Sibling
Series: My Significant Other
Series: My Spouse
Series: Recovering a Breakup
Series: My Failing Romance


ARTICLES ARCHIVED
Symptoms of BPD
A Clinical Perspective
Treatment of BPD
Leaving a Partner
Depression
Sexual Addiction
Healthy Relationships


FOREIGN LANGUAGE
German
BOOK REVIEWS
Endorsed Books
Other Staff Reviews
Member Reviews



TOOLS
Triggering and Wisemind
Ending Cycle of Conflict
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Values and Boundaries
On-Line CBT Program
>> More Tools


VIDEO
What is BPD - Family
What is BPD - Romantic
What is BPD - Child
End the Cycle of Conflict
Don't Be Invalidating
Empathy Skills
Dialectal Dilemma (audio)

ABOUT US
Mission
History (Wikipedia)
Professional Endorsements
Policy and Disclaimers


MESSAGEBOARD
Top 50 Questions
Membership Eligibility
Messageboard Guidelines
Directory



Your Account
Settings

Moderation Appeal
Become a Sponsor
Sponsorship Account



OTHER
Facebook News

Google+
Google+ (Skip)
Video Blog
BPDResources.net
Helpful External Links
Domestic Violence Crisis
Suicidal Ideation


Pages: 1 ... 3 [4]  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Top Spacer
Choosing a path
Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2016, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!