Is it common for BPDs to ignore texts , calls etc?

[Think About It...]

I think Gaslit hit the nail on the head...Dont chase them..AT ALL. See they arent communicating with you for a reason...It is usually they have someone else they are in honeymoon/idealization stage with and you dont mean jacksht or they are giving you a strong dose of the silent treatment as punishment or to see how incredibly deep they have set their hooks in you. Everytime you call, text, email, send flowers etc you are telling them this: Abuse me at your will I have no self respect and boundaries? isnt that like a fence well thats for horses not for me as I am IN LOVE with may I point out a NUTJOB?
Healthy people dont behave like that!  Hi!

[redfeather]

I think Gaslit hit the nail on the head...Dont chase them..AT ALL. See they arent communicating with you for a reason...It is usually they have someone else they are in honeymoon/idealization stage with and you dont mean jacksht or they are giving you a strong dose of the silent treatment as punishment or to see how incredibly deep they have set their hooks in you. Everytime you call, text, email, send flowers etc you are telling them this: Abuse me at your will I have no self respect and boundaries? isnt that like a fence well thats for horses not for me as I am IN LOVE with may I point out a NUTJOB?
Healthy people dont behave like that!  Hi!

[ithurts2much]

I'd agree she's probably in honeymoon/idealization stage with someone else. Expect her to come knocking as time goes on.. bumps in her road are ahead  ;p

Imagine if you had a chick that you KNEW you could be the biggest f-head to, and she would still chase you.

Now reverse that. That's you.

Harsh but true... and I've been there too

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GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board. All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[backontop]

This thread has really struck a cord with me. As someone has already said...people nowdays expect others to be completley available 24/7/365 at their whim.

What some do not understand is that while those who like to make chatty calls, pick a time when it is convenient for them, they never think of how the person on the receiving end is.  Nobody decides to make a call when they are in the shower with soap in their eyes, or when they are whisking a Hollandaise sauce, or vacuuming their car out. No, they sit down on the couch, and make some tea, and ready themselves for a nice long yak-fest, expecting the person on the other end to just drop everything immediately and put their life on hold, to listen to them drone on and on about nothing in particular.

Or they call 30 times a day with "updates" on what they are doing, thinking others are just as excited to hear about the latest "cute thing" their grandson just did minutes ago,  or they how just got their hair done and absolutly love it, love it, LOVE IT! I have bluntly told people not to keep calling me with mundane updates. Save it all for meeting for lunch, or something planned. They don't listen. They don't GET IT. They don't care. And they keep calling all the time. I have ended friendships over this.

I can't answer my phone everytime it rings.

I think calling someone all the time is a form of abuse. Especially if they know you have a job and need to sleep for eight hours before going to work. Calling every two hours  "just to touch base" when they know your are asleep is  waaaaay too selfish in a relationship.

I have a right to not jump and answer my phone every single time it blasts.



If someone has a legit reason to call, such as making plans for a movie, or informing a person that someone died then yes,  the call was necessary, and deserves a response. But these incessant calls where the person starts the conversation with "Hhhhhhm...I'm so bored. How about you? What you up to?" are for the birds.

And no, I don't need someone to call or text 50 times a day to tell me how much they love me. And go ballistic when I don't drop everything to call back to 'thank them'.



.

AMEN to that!

[sunshinegrrrl]

Hey tryingtohelp, if I were you I wouldn't pay for her cell phone. Believe me, she will get ahold of you when her phone doesn't work I feel for you. My BPD friend called me up this morning at 5:00AM to tell me that he broke the laptop I bought him. He then called me every dirty name in the book for not buying a warranty on it. I told him to FO. I know he will call back, because he always does.  I can not get rid of this guy, believe me I have tried. I feel like I am in some type of horror movie.  Eventhough he painted me black over a year and a half ago, he will not get the hell out of my life. I got tired of the abuse and started to fight back. Now I am just tired of him and fighting with him. Trust me, you will grow to feel the same way about your BPD as I do mine 

[redfeather]

Mine is giving me the silent treatment right now has been for about 3-4 weeks. I left one vm when she broke weak and went running to her newest conquest. Although I was furious and hurt (just put a deposit down on a cabin for a weekend getaway) I left a simple voicemail saying I had enjoyed spending time with her and I would miss her in a VERY calm voice. That was it.
She has not contacted me at all but a little birdie told me she thinks she made a mistake by dumping me. And that maybe. But it was her mistake to make and she can live with it.
But my point is she and I were getting along really well becoming closer then BOOM off she went...Well that is Fear of Engulfment which is part of the borderline push/pull/I hate you dont leave me dance.
Then because they fear abandonment they may come back to an ex such as myself and that is the pull side of the dance/cycle. With some people especially those they think may be vulnerable they will do this push/pull many times.
Be glad she is not texting you...if and when she does contact you its not going to be about you at all. This is no way to live and its not love.

[goinbonkers]

oh i can get the silent treatment for months and months on end from my BPDw.  but what i clearly noticed is that if i am nice, kind, pleasant, sweet, etc, etc... you know say things like have a nice day, or isn't it a beautiful day, or i am thinking about you, I GET NO RESPONSE WHATSOEVER.

but then if i do something wrong, or say something wrong, or make a mistake or piss her off, or touch one of her thousands of triggers, then i get a slew of evil responses.  and then it is back to no responses at all all over again.  just lovely.

[tryingtohelp]

Thanks all of you for the feedback and help.

I can't identify easily with some of her behaviour which is why it can be confusing. If a woman texted me and said 'Goodnyte, sleep well, I love u  xxx '   I wouldn't just ignore it. 
I can understand it if I had upset her or hurt her in some way, but we have been getting on smoothly for a while , and she's been seeing less and less of me , and more noticeably , hasn't invited me to her place for 3 months now, whereas it used to be quite regular.

She is spending time with someone else who used to be her neighbour, but she tells me they're just 'friends'  ?   She tends to reach out if I have the self discipline to keep back and not message her.

As for the airtime on her phone, on some occasions when I have sent her some more credit, she hasn't even replied to say thanks, just nothing.  I get her the airtime because she hasn't got much money and it was to help stay in touch.  It hurts a bit to think she's probably using it to txt some other guy.
I can't stand over her though , and tell her who she can txt. 
I remember on one occasion, she sent 90 txts in one day! ( she was annoyed with me )

 

[tryingtohelp]

Thanks sunshinegrrrl,   I don't think I'll buy her more airtime now.   Sounds like you deserve a better deal too!  Being treated like that having bought your ex a laptop!   
Funny, my dBPD friend  was making some 'subtle' hints the other day about 'needing' an iPhone !   ( I even gave it a thought for a minute or two! )   ?

[goinbonkers]

Has anyone else experienced the situation of trying to contact their pwBPD and not getting a response despite numerous attempts?  I experience this quite often, even tho I pay for her airtime for her mobile!

Absolutely. Mine only texts when she wants to lecture me or btch at me about something. When I ignore those comments she thinks it gives her an excuse to ignore my texts, even though I only contact her to clarify something about pick up and drop off times or insurance info on the kids.

Ugh.  I experience the same exact thing.  I only get contacted to get lectured on how such a fk up I am or how something is all my fault.  

[sunshinegrrrl]

Thanks sunshinegrrrl,   I don't think I'll buy her more airtime now.   Sounds like you deserve a better deal too!  Being treated like that having bought your ex a laptop!   
Funny, my dBPD friend  was making some 'subtle' hints the other day about 'needing' an iPhone !   ( I even gave it a thought for a minute or two! )   ?

I know this is hard, because a BPD is like a small child that wants you to buy them stuff and take care of them, but try not to invest too much money into her. The more money you invest in her the crappier you will feel if she ditches you for another. Protect yourself.