Are they better suited to the world than we are?

[Think About It...]

How many of you had your ex often express a desire to change? To stop being abusive and manipulative? That they hated hurting people and it made them feel awful? How many times did you see your ex bursting into tears for seemingly no reason? STRESSFUL conversations that made no sense, yet you could see your ex was in a world of pain?

I don't think they're better suited to the world. I think they spend much of their life in complete emotional agony.

I'm a firm believer that there was a lot of truth among the lies.

[ithurts2much]

How many of you had your ex often express a desire to change? To stop being abusive and manipulative? That they hated hurting people and it made them feel awful? How many times did you see your ex bursting into tears for seemingly no reason? STRESSFUL conversations that made no sense, yet you could see your ex was in a world of pain?

I don't think they're better suited to the world. I think they spend much of their life in complete emotional agony.

I'm a firm believer that there was a lot of truth among the lies.

[Marii]

 
I can't help but wonder if that makes them better suited to the world than I am?  Maybe the real problem never was my ex, but it was me.  Maybe that flexibility with reality is a true asset.
 

I do think that society is increasingly adapting to BPD beahvoir. I think the media glorifies it and accepts it as normal. The more you see a Lindsey Lohan, the more normal it becomes. I don't know if Whitney Houston was BPD or not, but she sure was on self destruct, yet they wanted to lower the flags to half staff for her. I think it is common knowledge that we have seen a destruction of the family structure with kids spending most of their time away from the parents and home. All of this, imo, absolutely increases the incidence of BPD.

I actually had a talk (when we were talking) with my BPD friend about this once. I make every effort to raise my kids in a stable and loving home. My friend was appalled at this. It was amazing because obviously this was as foreign as it could be. In fact, it seemed to be his  opinion that you needed to raise them like feral children since that would prepare them for "life". It was an amazing conversation and a momentary glimpse into his world.

[zen]

Reading this conversation I have a few thoughts.

One is...finished, your BPD ex loses one thing -for sure-and that is a relationship with you. What's up with your self-esteem that you don't see that as the most logical negative consequence of the whole thing?

Two...are you happy? Why not? Given that your relationship is over, and that you need time to mourn it, of course this is a sad time. But start making your life into the one you want. Forget the comparison. I say that in all sympathy - I have those thought too. But what I hear is you need more happiness in your life. What would provide it?

[Finished]

One is...finished, your BPD ex loses one thing -for sure-and that is a relationship with you. What's up with your self-esteem that you don't see that as the most logical negative consequence of the whole thing?

Actually, nothing is wrong with my self esteem. I said I was using my relationship as an example as it's the only thing I have. I'm not really exploring my personal relationship here, rather than discussing the possibilty that the world just makes it easier for pwBPD to be in.

However, he was rewarded by losing me. It may have been a loss, but he had conducted such a comprehensive smear campaign against me that they supported him in his new found victim role. That was the payoff. He got people on his side so that he didn't have to accept responsibility for his role in our relationship. Even with a formal diagnosis and everyone being aware, no one wanted to truly learn about BPD in his life but me. So they are pretty much oblivious to how it works. They don't know about the gaslighting, manipulation, gameplaying, unstable sense of self. All they see believe is what he tells them. So he gets their support in leaving me.

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[MyLife]

I have been reading this topic as it coincides with similar questions I ask myself, and also found this thread:
http://BPDfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=155928.20
that is similar in topic for anyone interested.
I've studied the Enneagram somewhat, and from my understanding not just one personality type is more BPD prone than another.  All of our personality types have healthy to unhealthy ranges; however, as has been posted in the aforementioned thread, there is a definite crossing of the line for a personality to be disordered. 

[WallyGator]

Finished,

They are really good at being the victim.  When I filed a protective order against my pregnant BPD she went on a smear campaign against me.  I bumped into her at the grocery store about 2 weeks after filing the order and I gave her 20 minutes of my time against my better judgement.  She went on to tell me how all of her friends hate me because of what I did (of course, they don't know how she devalued me for the last 2-3 months of the relationship and acted hateful all the while trying to get pregnant without me knowing--crazy much?) and, the real kicker is she told me her dad thought I was a "coward".  Her dad?  This is a guy who is 50 years old, alcoholic, impotent, married 3 times and currently in an awful marriage he can't get out of because she has control of his money.  Oh, and this is the same guy who would encourage her to wear low cut shirts during pool tournaments so as to distract the other team.  I'm the coward because I took my balls back and did what I needed to do to protect my unborn child from a life of chaos and dysfunction. 

She is a victim because she cannot own her part. 

I am fighting for full custody of this child because it is the right thing to do.  The easy thing?  No...that would be to pay child support and never look back.  I can't let my child be raised by a she-wolf...my child will have ONE father, not several. 

Just my thoughts via experience...