Hi PF10 Hi!
Follow your gut feeling, if you feel fairly convinced after reading the criteria, you are as good a judge as anyone who is up close. The diagnosis is a label... but more important than a label is a plan.
Your very speedy courtship and wedding is an indicator of BPD. They usually commit very quickly and fall head over heels for us... then the trouble can start.
The only remedy for feeling lost is to find your way again.
We feel lost when we are in unfamiliar terrain, or when our navigational guidance is out. The last thing we would do when lost is give someone else directions.
So - remedy - stage 1... is take care of you:
Look after your health, diet, sleep, exercise
Re-draft your support mechanism - family, friends, spirituality, relaxation
Read up on this site about 'detachment' - its not about leaving! Its about learning to manage
Stage 2 then is the other tools that you can use to interact in your r/s:
Validation, SET - when the r/s is reasonably settled
Boundaries - when their behavior is not acceptable
Know in advance what is unacceptable - abuse is never warranted!
Also vital is the right mindset:
She is a person with BPD, she isn't BPD. Love her, be cautious of the conditions manifestations
She has a mental health issue, she is ill, because of the condition she won't respond as I would normally expect
Whilst it may appear she is manipulating me, she is likely an abuse victim and fears control, abandonment, engulfment, exposure
Try reading 'the high conflict couple' since it may be a good point of reference if past episodes have led to time in jail for her.
Peace to you! You have our support!