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Think About It... The Borderline and the narcissist. The borderline tends to be dominated mostly by abandonment fears, and the narcissistic person, by fear of the loss of specialness or appreciation.When the promise of that bond is threatened, the borderline responds with blame and attack defenses. The narcissist tends to withdraw, fears a loss of specialness, easily becomes injured or outraged ~Joan Lachkar, Ph.D..
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Author Topic: Have Any of Your Replacements Crashed and Burned Yet  (Read 1289 times)
avoidatallcost
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« on: February 21, 2012, 06:46:35 PM »
Has anyone had the pleasure yet to see their replacement meet the same fate we did?

Just wondering smiley
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darkstar
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« Reply #1 on: February 21, 2012, 07:15:29 PM »
no not my actual ex. I blocked everything so I don´t know and I really don´t want know.

But my ex before her, she wasted 3 boyfriends in a year after that she tried to recycle me again and failed.

Now she has a boyfriend and I think its kind of long-term for her. 3-4 years already. I am really happy for her today. She did a lot of therapy and changed her life complete. She accepted her BPD.
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  From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached. ~Franz Kafka
Sofie
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« Reply #2 on: February 22, 2012, 02:21:21 AM »
My replacement dumped my BPDex - apparently, she was much healthier and less codependent than I was at the time and would not put up with the crazy behaviour once it started to really surface. I take no pleasure from the pain that my BPDex is causing any of her SOs, though - I rather feel sympathetic to them.
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sunnywind
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« Reply #3 on: February 22, 2012, 02:41:15 AM »
my replacement came round to hit me after being prodded by crazy ex.
  he left me confused, and i heard he was rejected after a year, later he tried to become my friend on Facebook . i ignored him
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From SUFFOLK, U.K
GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?
This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving
All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)
Eightyfour


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« Reply #4 on: February 22, 2012, 03:18:50 AM »
What does SO stand for?

Anyway about my replacements. One has been dumped after 3 weeks, the other beat her up went away came back went away, built a website for her fixed her car and went away, to sporadically return.

From what Ive heard is her previous LTRS the men either fleed abroad (one went to australia, another to Russia, and Im going to NZ (not to flee her btw)) or just simply ran away. One day she was calling her ex bf on speaker while I was there to let him congratulate her on her bday (you know how sick this is, to call ur ex on ur own bday with me there on speaker)
Anyway, I heard the paralyzed tremble in his voice.

Yes they do leave a trail of shtness.
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Newton
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« Reply #5 on: February 22, 2012, 03:25:22 AM »
Hi EightyFour...SO=Significant Other

This link will help clear up the rest  Doing the right thing

What do all these abbreviations mean?
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zoso80
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For the moment, doing the banana split!
« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2012, 03:35:22 PM »
No, I haven't.  Honestly, I have no ill will towards anyone exBPD is with.

I've moved on, trying to live well and enrich myself in healthy ways.

Living in the past or carrying the desire to see her life fail miserably: that's not where I'm at. At most, I wish she'd get the help she needs, but she's made her choices.  

I've made mine.
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ithurts2much

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« Reply #7 on: February 22, 2012, 03:56:28 PM »
Pretty sure they're still together but

-She has cheated on him, with me, many times during their relationship (I didn't even know she was in one). He knows this.
-I know she has said horrible things to him and he can't stand her. We actually talked about her and he had MANY complaints and trashed her as a person. She knows this (not my doing).
-She projects all the blame onto him while describing him as "the perfect guy". She never seemed to paint him black, just ran from him temporarily. I guess she is in the process of painting him black. She is in emotional pain that the relationship is "not working out", yet tells him that she wants to marry him.
-She probably has a replacement lined up or is in the process of it.
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dah1029
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« Reply #8 on: February 22, 2012, 04:05:47 PM »
EightyFour--  you cracked me up with your post.  Most of your ex's partners have moved out of the country after she got done with them ?  Now that speaks volumes !  Thanks for the laugh.
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"Scars remind us of where we've been.  They don't have to define our future".
"All truths aren't easy to understand once they are discovered.  The point is to discover them".
Eightyfour


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« Reply #9 on: February 22, 2012, 04:22:41 PM »
Quote from: dah1029 on February 22, 2012, 04:05:47 PM
EightyFour--  you cracked me up with your post.  Most of your ex's partners have moved out of the country after she got done with them ?  Now that speaks volumes !  Thanks for the laugh.

LOL you're welcome.
Her whole life story is one big laugh if it wasnt so sad and pityfull actually.
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redberry
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« Reply #10 on: February 22, 2012, 05:31:26 PM »
Not yet...  Still waiting.  rolleyes
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avoidatallcost
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« Reply #11 on: February 22, 2012, 05:46:22 PM »
Quote from: redberry on February 22, 2012, 05:31:26 PM
Not yet...  Still waiting.  rolleyes

Hmm same here.. How long have you been waiting for?  I have to say I'm more than a little surprised so few of us have seen the replacement and our BP exes break up.  Maybe our breakups were due more to incompatibility than the disorder after all?  I'm still trying to prove I'm not to blame for the insanity I guess I'll have to just be patient a while longer..
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NewStart
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« Reply #12 on: February 22, 2012, 06:07:22 PM »
I know that my initial replacement was gone quite some time ago, he lasted less than a year I think.  We all live in the same neighborhood and friends all say that there's now a guy they are calling "BMW guy" that she's dating... seems like this one's gaining some momentum as I see them around and his car is always there now day and night... it sounds terrible and I hate to say it... but I hope this one piles too... I don't know how many I'll need to see before I know the horror was real...
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Faded
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« Reply #13 on: February 22, 2012, 06:08:23 PM »
My 1st replacement crashed and burned horribly!

Beat the living daylights out of the ex in front of our D!
Smashed her mums home up and kicked the front door off!
Picked a fight with me whilst i was picking up our D for the weekend!
Then took and overdose!
Ended up in a psychiactric ward for a few months!

never seen again!

Exes current partner of 9 years is going to need all his strength and might to save this one, he may succeed and best of luck to him.
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beyondbelief
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« Reply #14 on: February 22, 2012, 07:07:44 PM »
I am going to be a little bit blunt here.  What happens to our Xs and our replacements after we are gone says very little about us.  It can take years for the honeymoon period to wear off and for their next relationship to explode.  Or they could become a couple that spends 50 years together hating every minute of it. 

My X has become completely asexual and has no interest in being in any relationship.  While she is quite attractive, she does her best to appear unattractive and is quite successful at it.  Her latest is to let her hair grow gray, so it is a weird mix of whatever color she last dyed it and gray. 
 
My X never showed several symptoms yours did such as cutting, yet there is no doubt she has some serious issues.  To be honest I would love for her to get past her issues.  Not because I want to be with her but because it would make some people happy and would take nothing way from me.  In fact in many ways it would be better for me.  Why let your X dictate your future?

Your successes will come from your actions not her failures.  If you are concerned about your mental health then seek a little assistance.  Either you will be cleared and can move on or you can work on whatever comes up and get past it and on with your success.  It is a lot quicker than waiting to be validated by someone else’s misfortune. 
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JonnyJon42
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« Reply #15 on: February 22, 2012, 09:22:00 PM »
Avoid it not you its them 100% we did everything we could most of us jumped though so many hoops and got nothing at all back as i did.

What happens with the new dudes is irreverent i for one dont care anymore im sure mine has a new guy or maybe guys i dont know and i know im better for not knowing cause all it will do is give her some power back by being able to control my emotions even if she is not trying to.

I sure if i dug i could find all the info i would want but i just dont want to end up taken 2 steps back by digging.
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redberry
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« Reply #16 on: February 22, 2012, 09:30:18 PM »
Avoid, it's been about a year.  I'm much better than I was around this time last year, really focusing on therapy and myself so the breakup matters less and less to me every day.  But I still have to see their breakup happen--not out of spite, but for my peace of mind.  It's that final sliver of validation to know I was absolutely right about BPD.  And that's okay, according to my T, and more importantly it feels okay to me, too.  You guys will be the first to know when it happens!  wink
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wahoo11

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« Reply #17 on: February 22, 2012, 09:39:16 PM »
Not yet. However, it's a long distance relationship.

Unfortunately, because my ex and I have a lot of common friends, I know a bit about the poor sap. Apparently, he's pretty socially awkward and unattractive. He comes across as a doormat with little-to-no relationship experience (but a raging white knight complex). I'm sure he loves being able to tell his friends about his hot coed girlfriend that constantly needs saving from her big, bad ex boyfriends and family. She loves having a guy that will let her do whatever she wants. I almost feel bad for the guy. I highly doubt she has been faithful.
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suzn
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« Reply #18 on: February 22, 2012, 09:56:34 PM »
ummm...the pleasure?  I sure don't wish what I went through on anyone.
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“Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.” ~Jacob M. Braude
JonnyJon42
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« Reply #19 on: February 22, 2012, 10:50:52 PM »
wahoo

mine is the same way loves weak willed men. The guy she left me for last time around was that kind of guy. She cheated on him with 3 guys  (i was one but didnt know about him) then when she left him and told him she had been cheating on him he was like i dont care and wanted to work it out (this all happen in like 3 months). Then again i have taken alot of crap from her over the 7 years so i guess im just as weak lol
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BPDFamily.com > Dealing with Relationship Partners (heterosexual, gay, lesbian) with BPD  > [L3] Leaving: Detaching from the Wounds of a failed BPD Relationship  > Topic: Have Any of Your Replacements Crashed and Burned Yet
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