How do you take a firm stand and still show love
I did see your later part about nevermind and I understand, so much, how tired and frustrated you are.
But, to answer your question, taking, finally, a firm stand when our kids have addiction issues, the firm stand is how we can love them best. Enabling can keep them stuck, keep them from recovery. The most loving thing is to set the boundaries that will make them uncomfortable or unhappy enough to want to change.
It is a heartbreak. How you feel now can change though. After a year of sobriety and a definate lessening of our enmeshed involvement with her, having someone else to fend her daily issues and messes, not having her here underfoot, no nagging, etc. (my BPDSD20 is now living in a half way house for her drugging) I am starting to have loving dreams about her, where I am holding her and happy to be around her.
I also suggest alanon. Such good support.