boundary crossed

[Think About It...]

helped the uBPDW STBx move out to her new house today. While we were packing I asked do you need help unloading at your new house or is your new friend going to help. She said no I have not asked him. I said OK. I have no desire to meet this guy and have told her I think he is unethical, immoral and hypocritical and tonight we get to her new house and who walks around the corner but him. So I say thanks for the warning and she says I did not know. Bullsh**. That crossed a boundary So I finished unloading and left. She called later and I confronted her I said all you had to do was tell him you would call him when you wanted him to come over once I was gone. That was not right and I will not accept that behavior in the future. She sees nothing wrong with what she did.

[haywood911]

helped the uBPDW STBx move out to her new house today. While we were packing I asked do you need help unloading at your new house or is your new friend going to help. She said no I have not asked him. I said OK. I have no desire to meet this guy and have told her I think he is unethical, immoral and hypocritical and tonight we get to her new house and who walks around the corner but him. So I say thanks for the warning and she says I did not know. Bullsh**. That crossed a boundary So I finished unloading and left. She called later and I confronted her I said all you had to do was tell him you would call him when you wanted him to come over once I was gone. That was not right and I will not accept that behavior in the future. She sees nothing wrong with what she did.

[GreenMango]

911-
Ahhh man...why did u stay to unload after he walked around the corner?
-GM

[haywood911]

My word is my bond. I promised to help unload and that is what I did, got her crap out of the uhaul and my car and left. The sooner I can get her gone the better.

[avoidatallcost]

Such typical borderline behavior.. get the abused do your dirty work while she and the new guy watch.   Hearing stories like this make me so angry because it reminds me of everything I had to go through in my own insane r/s.  All these damn stories are the same.  Funny thing is, I've never been put through anything near this crap by any of my "normal" girlfriends.

Haywood, let this be the last time she ever does this to you.

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[GreenMango]

My word is my bond. I promised ...

You are more than she deserves. 
-GM

[tuum est61]

She sees nothing wrong with what she did.

Of course she doesn't!  She's BPD!   And be thankful that "this" is now is his burden!  

As hard as it is on your heart, take avoidatallcosts direction and let this be the last "help" you provide to her.

And avoid at all cost her inevitable attempt to recycle you - likely through the dogs.

Celebrations are in order!      

[o2bz14u]

My word is my bond.

I am exactly the same way. I have come to realize my mistake in this type of thinking.


For instance,  person presents "ABCD" and I agree to it. Then they only come through with "ABD" or mix in a whole bunch of "ABCDEFGHIJK@PQ!W". I have always begrudgenly complied with the new terms.

I have to keep telling myself that I have a right to say "No" to the new terms. They will try to guilt trip you into saying you have already agreed, and you are now "changing your mind" but keep reminding youself that what you agreed to was not what they are giving you at the moment.


It's hard to do when someone is screaming at you. Or when you feel that  by cancelling the project/errand/commitment that you will be creating "a scene" or creating chaos and be the one blamed for 'ruining' everything. It can even be a 'no win' situation. But in the long run the other person learns not to reley on you to keep turning at their every whim for their convenience.



.

[haywood911]

I agree I did notice one thing yesterday. The new host was trying to put a piece of patio furniture on the porch and kept getting the legs caught in the railing every step. The UBPDw STBx was standing behind him and kept starting to go and take it off of him and do it herself but holding back. With me she would have pushed me out of the way the whole time berating me for being so stupid that I could not even put a piece of patio furniture on the porch. Devaluing me to the point that I still have no desire to work with her on any project and even the thought of it twist my gut up. So it is only a matter of time before her true colors come out and he has no clue what is coming.

[seeking balance]

My word is my bond.

This is a trait in most nons, a trait which can lead us to very unhealthy situations.

For me, I thought of this trait as a huge positive attribute.  But like everything in life, there are times when we don't have all the facts and with all the facts, it is ok to change our minds.  Changing our mind when the game changes is healthy, not a character flaw.  In the mirroring/idealization phase, I am willing to bet your ex claimed many times to love this quality in you.  Thus, setting you up to use it against you if necessary.  Not consciously, but happens none-the-less.

Detachment typically comes from limited or no contact for this very reason.  Take good care of you.

peace,
sb

[dah1029]

I agree-- if the game changes, you have a right to change your mind.  And who cares with them?  They do it all the time to you.  Give them back some of their medicine.  Playing by their riules is a thing of the past.  You should have dumped all of her stuff out of your car onto the driveway.  And then backed up over it on your way out of there.