Having a child and fear of repeat process...

[Think About It...]

Anyone else with a child in the midst of all the madness?

I think my biggest fear is actually meeting someone and falling in love with them and making plans to start a family.
I so fear that the possibilty another child of mine will be split away from the normal family scenario if i meet another person and settle down.

I fear having another child with someone else.
There is also a feeling of guilt in me about bringing another child into this world and the same thing happening.

Im not a controlling person but i feel as though because i have no control over others i feel unable to commit to anyone else or even show any interest further than friendship.

I envisaged my future in the past as one where myself, partner and family would all be together. Having that ripped away from me has made me fearful in so many ways.

I guess here the issues i need to work on somewhat are...

*Fear of meeting someone and falling in love with them to deeply.

*Fear ill never love someone as much as i did my childs mum.

*Fear that my family as i envisaged will never be and having 1 child already my option for my vision can no longer be my vision.

*Fear having another child with someone else who will then take that child away from me and also fear i will never have any more children!

Am i being over protective of myself?
Am i being naturally protective of myself?

Why do i fear this when i know i dont want to and shouldnt fear these things?

I see others can move on very very quickly indeed but myself have been stuck in this mindset for to many years!

Ive had a couple of relationships since the split but really felt nothing for the other person at all in terms of love/adoration and so made a polite exit from them.

So ive put myself out there but im not a one night stand kind of guy, checked in on a few dating sites but sifting through the disordered profiles is somewhat tedious.
My social is fairly steady, i dont get out for an all nighter to often but i try and make it every couple of months as well DJin at big events and festivals and having a good bunch of close friends. Also i manage an U14's girls football team twice a week.
Work keeps me happy and i really enjoy my job, get to meet different people everday of the week and travel all over the UK to do my job seeing some beautiful places and sites.

So why when i have so much in place physically do i mentally let myself down?

[Faded]

Anyone else with a child in the midst of all the madness?

I think my biggest fear is actually meeting someone and falling in love with them and making plans to start a family.
I so fear that the possibilty another child of mine will be split away from the normal family scenario if i meet another person and settle down.

I fear having another child with someone else.
There is also a feeling of guilt in me about bringing another child into this world and the same thing happening.

Im not a controlling person but i feel as though because i have no control over others i feel unable to commit to anyone else or even show any interest further than friendship.

I envisaged my future in the past as one where myself, partner and family would all be together. Having that ripped away from me has made me fearful in so many ways.

I guess here the issues i need to work on somewhat are...

*Fear of meeting someone and falling in love with them to deeply.

*Fear ill never love someone as much as i did my childs mum.

*Fear that my family as i envisaged will never be and having 1 child already my option for my vision can no longer be my vision.

*Fear having another child with someone else who will then take that child away from me and also fear i will never have any more children!

Am i being over protective of myself?
Am i being naturally protective of myself?

Why do i fear this when i know i dont want to and shouldnt fear these things?

I see others can move on very very quickly indeed but myself have been stuck in this mindset for to many years!

Ive had a couple of relationships since the split but really felt nothing for the other person at all in terms of love/adoration and so made a polite exit from them.

So ive put myself out there but im not a one night stand kind of guy, checked in on a few dating sites but sifting through the disordered profiles is somewhat tedious.
My social is fairly steady, i dont get out for an all nighter to often but i try and make it every couple of months as well DJin at big events and festivals and having a good bunch of close friends. Also i manage an U14's girls football team twice a week.
Work keeps me happy and i really enjoy my job, get to meet different people everday of the week and travel all over the UK to do my job seeing some beautiful places and sites.

So why when i have so much in place physically do i mentally let myself down?