Happiest, I am not sure who you are addressing in your post. I think you blended my words with those of the OP.
I may not have been clear and succinct in my post and I realize everyone cannot read every single intoductory post from every single member. I try not to be wordy and repeat my bio in every post. In my situation, we are not married, have no kids, own no real estate together nor hold joint property. He wants to get married. I had been saying "maybe" all along and emphasizing that he is rushing things too fast
with the relationship and should take it slower, step by step. Now lately I have been saying a clear "No" but it does not seem to sink in. I have tried to get him (us) to therapy. He went 2 times and quit. I have tried using the tools I learned here. I've been reading books. He is getting worse and worse. I've tried. I'm exhausted and run down. I'm a shell of my former self.
The honeymoon phase has ended and he is treating me like a dog and a doormat 90% of the time now. The nonsensical rages are more frequent and more ridiculous topics crop up. He started wanting to spend every single minute with me
tagging along on errands, refusing to let me do anything on my own - even family things, becoming agitated if someone called me on the phone and I talked to them, he even started following me into the bathroom and would sit and talk to me the entire time I showered. (I put my foot down at hanging out while I was on the toilet. Now he just waits outside the door.) He had become a handful and then just seemed to have a complete break with reality. I think losing his job recently was part of it.
Yet, he has gone out and purchased a tuxedo "to wear to our wedding". He's been after me to convert to his religion as part of us getting married, even though I made it clear right from the beginning I am an Atheist and I also don't believe in joining cults no matter how benign they are perceived to be by the mainstream. (I see no point in shaving my head just because we get married, and refuse to participate in this cult nonsense.) (BTW, the therapist we saw was one he picked out from the huge social services organization his religion has. I think he thought they would side with him automatically.)
I have nothing to lose by telling him I think he has BPD and he decides to leave me. (Except all the money I have loaned him that I will probably never see.) I own my own home in the suburbs and a car. He owns nothing. He has a place to go, as he has a small rented studio in the city - and a bus pass.
. The one time I tried to go NC it started to get so ugly. He called and texted me hundreds of times over two days making me very afraid, before showing up at 1:00AM pounding on my windows. Then he texted me that he had broken into my garage and then broke into my auto and was sitting it my car texting he was not going to leave and how much he "Loved me" and begging me not to "Throw him away" (actual quote) . He continued to pound on my house windows throughout the night and I was too scared to fall asleep. Thank god a neighbor saw him going in and out my garage side door and called in a burglery. The police showed up with a few squads but when they found out it was "just a domestic dispute" they only told him to leave - and made sure he went walking down the road. It was this incident that prompted my insistance that he get therapy. My goal was to get him into therapy and get him more *normal* before I went NC again
. I am truly afraid of him. He has not done anything to me to get himself arrested (like beat me) but I fear it is just around the corner if I should leave him. If therapy or medication would "cure" him I would stay, but from what I have read I just howling into the wind.
I am very on edge right now as I have just gone NC again as of Friday night. I had to. I just couldn't take it anymore. The screaming. The raging. The jealousies. I have an appointment at a womens DV center tomorrow that I have been on a waiting list for. I think what dyregulated his mood was that his father has been rushed to the hospital for open heart surgery held on Saturday morning. I think this is some sort of abandonment fear coming to surface. I was suppose to go with him to the hospital but could not take his belittling and nonsensical constant, constant screaming. A mutual friend texted me a few hours ago worried about his "mood" and want me to do something. He is there now - driving someone else crazy for now.