Do people with BPD like to recreate things they did with old partners?

[Think About It...]

It was something I had never thought about but came out of a response I had to a post of mine a couple of days ago.  In my past BPD relationship my ex set up and suggested several trips that mirrored those that she and her college ex-bf had done.  Similarly when I recently (stupidly) looked at photos of hers on facebook I noticed she has been doing photo ops at places she and I enjoyed together.  Is this a means of recreating the past and showing yourself how much happier you are with the new partner?

[bigredneck]

It was something I had never thought about but came out of a response I had to a post of mine a couple of days ago.  In my past BPD relationship my ex set up and suggested several trips that mirrored those that she and her college ex-bf had done.  Similarly when I recently (stupidly) looked at photos of hers on facebook I noticed she has been doing photo ops at places she and I enjoyed together.  Is this a means of recreating the past and showing yourself how much happier you are with the new partner?

[Simpleone]

Mine did this. He repeated our relationship COMPLETELY the same way with the new one. This is what they do. When we've been replaced- we've LITERALLY been replaced. Like- they throw us out, and replace us with a new face, but everything else that you did from beginning to end will repeat. And then they move on and repeat AGAIN.
I dont think he knows any other way to be. He is stunted, so instead of growing, he just repeats the same stuff again and again. In each relationship, there is NO GROWTH.

[momtario]

It makes sense. To pwBD, they can't, to an extent, understand how things went wrong. Everyone, to an extent will try repeating the things they saw worked in a new relationship, and try to avoid the things that didn't work.
pwBPD are just extreme, about everything. So, if a trip to a certain place was a happy time in a r/s in the past, they would likely want to try it again, exactly how it happened the first time, instead of just thinking "I'll go on another trip with this new partner." It was that trip that was a happy time. A different trip might not do.

edit: For that matter, my uNPDh is looking to take the exact same trip with me and the kids as we did only 2 years ago, down to the hotels and exact itinerary...

[goinbonkers]

Eek.  That's what I have dubbed the term BPD Rigidity.  Doing the same exact precise fun thing repeatedly over and over and over again.  And then they get scared because they say you will get bored of them huh?  Well sure because doing the same exact thing a billion times is eventually going to get quite boring after awhile.

Why pray-tell are they like that?

[Dawning]

Mine did this. He repeated our relationship COMPLETELY the same way with the new one. This is what they do. When we've been replaced- we've LITERALLY been replaced. Like- they throw us out, and replace us with a new face, but everything else that you did from beginning to end will repeat. And then they move on and repeat AGAIN.
I don't think he knows any other way to be. He is stunted, so instead of growing, he just repeats the same stuff again and again. In each relationship, there is NO GROWTH.

The very same happened in the relationship with my ex. I could not really see it for what it was when in the relationship, but now many things become clear.

First, very soon he started to behave as we were married for 20 years. I was a continuation of his previous relationships. Also he became angry when I did not have certain qualities the exes had. Example, we went to a festival he used to go with his ex. There were dances on I had never done and he wanted me to jump in and do it. It were group dances and I disturbed it for all the other people were practised.He was very annoyed that I could not do what he expected me to do.At the end of the festival he said that he regret that he wasted his money on a ticket for me.

We lived far apart and when he stayed at my place for an extended period we did several things on my initiative; climb a near by mountain, visit a museum and so on.Then when I was discarded for a woman from his area, he went on holiday with her in my area and unexpectedly visit me with her.He told me they had visited the museum and were on their way to climb the mountain. ?

What I think is that because they do not have a real sense of self,they parrot or mirror the partner.My ex partners so called identity is IMO made up of all kind of fragments of his exes.

Triangulating  might have been a motive for the visit as well and also for the festival we were.His ex before me was there too and he paraded several times with me around the place where she sat with friends.

[Dawning]

Sorry, I don't know how to quote...the top part is quoted.

[Auspicious]

If you look at the criteria for BPD, this isn't one of them.

And I can say that my diagnosed BPD wife does not seem to do this (if anything, it's her seeming inability to repeat successful behaviors that is marked).

A particular person with BPD might express some sort of BPD dysfunction in this way, but it's not intrinsic to BPD.

(bigredneck, you are posting this on Staying - is this something you are dealing with in a current partner who you believe has BPD?)

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