Minor Gaslighting Trouble

[Think About It...]

It is interesting to note that if I do take time to rephrase or probe a bit to confirm/clarify info from my wife, I invariably get "are you stupid/deaf or do you think I am stupid/deaf?" words/body language. 

Thats the response I get.

I also get the question, and my answer is supposed to be either Yes or No. No explaination or clrification. Sometimes questions cant be answered yes or no, but as he says, he is not interested in a "story" (he calls it, he just want s the answer.

As for rewriting the outcome of a discussion, which is what I think your wife is doing Maligned, and I also think she is possibly wording her discussions with you to get you hooked for a drama later. (Just a thought).
I get the same thing.
H will pull me into "sharing" some issue/project and then when a fair amount of my time (and sometimes money) is invested in contributing to a decision, he goes ahead and does something different and claims ingnorance over our initial plans that were agreed on.
It ranges from anything from - when I can use the car, fix our bikes, pay the bills, and today it was doing the decking in the back yard.

Oh well...I choose to stay.

[Happiest]

It is interesting to note that if I do take time to rephrase or probe a bit to confirm/clarify info from my wife, I invariably get "are you stupid/deaf or do you think I am stupid/deaf?" words/body language. 

Thats the response I get.

I also get the question, and my answer is supposed to be either Yes or No. No explaination or clrification. Sometimes questions cant be answered yes or no, but as he says, he is not interested in a "story" (he calls it, he just want s the answer.

As for rewriting the outcome of a discussion, which is what I think your wife is doing Maligned, and I also think she is possibly wording her discussions with you to get you hooked for a drama later. (Just a thought).
I get the same thing.
H will pull me into "sharing" some issue/project and then when a fair amount of my time (and sometimes money) is invested in contributing to a decision, he goes ahead and does something different and claims ingnorance over our initial plans that were agreed on.
It ranges from anything from - when I can use the car, fix our bikes, pay the bills, and today it was doing the decking in the back yard.

Oh well...I choose to stay.

[tuum est61]

As for rewriting the outcome of a discussion, which is what I think your wife is doing Maligned, and I also think she is possibly wording her discussions with you to get you hooked for a drama later.

Possibly, but I really think she just forgets to fill in the details - perhaps because of her insecurities she thinks I will be critical or because she is paranoid about my driving ot because she doesnt think she will need or doesn't want my "help" or she just finds it to boring/tedious to talk to me.  the end result us the same - whatever the reason - she later claims she DID tell me.

I read somewhere today that my offer of "help" is a codependents somewhat devious although usually unconcuious way of exerting control. I am thinking a lot about that. So maybe she perceives and conciously or unconciously dodges my effort at controlling her and simply skips the details.   Later,  when she finds she needs my help, she exerts her own form of "control" called gaslighting   ?

[Happiest]

As for rewriting the outcome of a discussion, which is what I think your wife is doing Maligned, and I also think she is possibly wording her discussions with you to get you hooked for a drama later.

Possibly, but I really think she just forgets to fill in the details - perhaps because of her insecurities she thinks I will be critical or because she is paranoid about my driving ot because she doesnt think she will need or doesn't want my "help" or she just finds it to boring/tedious to talk to me.  the end result us the same - whatever the reason - she later claims she DID tell me.

I read somewhere today that my offer of "help" is a codependents somewhat devious although usually unconcuious way of exerting control. I am thinking a lot about that. So maybe she perceives and conciously or unconciously dodges my effort at controlling her and simply skips the details.   Later,  when she finds she needs my help, she exerts her own form of "control" called gaslighting   ?

I also relate the the too boring/tedious to talk/listen to me scenario.
As for the notion that offering to help may be our way of exerting control, you might be on to something there. Something I am going to ponder on.