I was in a r/s with my BPDXW for 10 years and we have kids together and things certainly did not end well. Though I wish we would have lived happily ever after, there is no way I would want to be with her. I genuinely wish her well and want her to become a good mother. It is my reality.
Thats kind of how my thoughts go, i guess i had my heart set on indifference but maybe the reality i will never be indifferent to childs mother.
I genuinely wish her well and have said to our D 'i wish your mum well and hope she is happy and gets all she wants out of life'
Zoso, i appreciate the pointer to the other board as like you say im a parent, but this thread is about me as a person rather than the parenting side of things.
I kind of imagine that those without children will no doubt end up indifferent, just like how i am with my other previous partners.
As for communicating with the Ex til D is 18, you couldnt be more wrong on that situation. Ive always felt the need to fill the ex in on any matters reguarding our child, on the flip side i have to gain that info either from my D or i find out after an event has happened rather than before if its pre shceduled by the mum.
So for 12 years i feel ive done the right thing but never recieved the same mutual stance from the ex.
Now, i have NOT spoken/seen/communicated with the Ex for 9months.
D doesnt see her mum any more, or is very low on physical contact (maybe stayed at her mum a handful of times in 6 months, with the last few requests from the mum to D refused by the D.
The mum is still abusive to me, D and those around her and i will not tolerate that kind of behaviour in my life and D is taking the same stance with her boundaries (or is she mirroring me?)
I do have feelings for the ex but i couldnt name them or say what the feelings are because i just dont know.
I dont love her, i dont hate her but deep down there is a feeling!
I remember our past for what it really was, the ex see's it and tried to express it to me in only a good light! i was out of there quicker than lighting could strike.
I chose to accept the abuse so i could be a respectful parent(or seemingly come across as one), now i see the 2 cannot be paralell with each other for my own health.
Ive had to take away the abuse by expelling the D's mum from my life but ive also realised i can still be a respectful parent and it doesnt matter who see's that or witnesses it.
Ive gained my respect for who i am not what i can be when others demand it.
This thread could be L3, L4 or L5.
L3 i thought id get abetter response as L4 would be just a parents perspective rather than those without children who, like i say, have a better chance or being indifferent i would of thought.
L5 is probably how this thread will pan out for me
Thanks for replies and thanks tot he board for allowing to me vent and questions aspects of my life and others.