Does your BPD know about this site

[Think About It...]

as in the title-

does your BPD know you use this site?

if so how did they find out?

what was their reaction to it?

Just curiousif this is something that is kept from them or are you open about it?

[graeme1998]

as in the title-

does your BPD know you use this site?

if so how did they find out?

what was their reaction to it?

Just curiousif this is something that is kept from them or are you open about it?

[Marvin Martian]

I don't think My uBPDgf knows about this site specifically, but even if she did, I wouldn't care. No more walking on eggshells for me. I am not truly qualified to diagnosis, but even she clearly knows something is wrong [when well regulated], and fits the criteria. But without diagnosing, and when things are in a calm state, and we are having good discussions, I have told her about BPDrecovery.com. If you think about, the skills learned by those recovering from BPD can be a positive for many interpersonal situations, regardless of BPD or NON.

[united for now]

Over the years, we've had a number of nons who were "found". Many were caught because they failed to erase their browser history. Many stirred up curiosity in their partner when they began to refer to outside help they were getting, leading the pwBPD to snoop. Others thought that reading here would help the pwBPD see themselves, or that it would be a resource, so they showed them the site.

99.9% of the time, being "found" turned out really really badly for the non.

As a staff member, I've read the panic and pain from way too many nons who got "found".

This place is your safe refuge to learn and to grow. Sharing it with your partner removes your ability to freely share your struggles and your heartache. If your partner knows you here, then your privacy to speak is gone...leaving you with what?

[damedolly]

He knows I go on a site but not specifically this one if he asked to see it I would show him but i'm hoping he doesn't as i feel its my little bit of light at the end of the tunnel when we are going through some tough times :-D

[LoveNotWar]

I erase the history on my computer several times a day, its a habit now, and I do NOT talk to my dBPDh about this site. He would hate it, obsess about what I might have written, rage about it I am sure and basically I'd lose all the way around. I don't see anything to gain by sharing this with him. There's no way sharing this with him would improve our r/s.

[isilme]

No.  I only use this site on my work computer or my password locked phone, never on my home PC. 

His fears of being badly judged (invalidated) and a BPD need to keep things hidden to remove shame, as well as his need to isolate me to prevent me from abandoning him would all be triggered.  Once a few years back when we were recovering from his cheating I told him I had talked to a close, no gossiping friend about our problems, as I had frankly been close to suicidal over them.  He got very mad that I had dared confide in anyone about any wrong doing on his part.  Plus, he is convinced I blab all the time about his shortcomings, as that's the only reason he can figure people might think he has some bad personality traits (its not things he says, does or that we're not married after 16 years which makes people look badly at him even though I am usually quiet in social settings about our issues).  So though I DO NOT talk to friends about our personal lives, unless it's to talk about positive things, he's convinced I do - 'proof' of it on here would not help me one bit. 

I come here to talk freely to others who know what it's like to love an irrational person, and take care that if I ever, ever mention BPD, it's in regard to my parents (which is true).  I have mentioned to a few people, not him, that I am taking part in an online therapy group for survivors of childhood abuse of a particular nature.  And leave it at that. 

[united for now]

He knows I go on a site but not specifically this one if he asked to see it I would show him but i'm hoping he doesn't as i feel its my little bit of light at the end of the tunnel when we are going through some tough times :-D

And for what reason would you disclose your safe haven to him?

[xeon]

She might know or be suspicious that I go to a site like this... but I'm not going to lead her here.  It would be bad, bad bad... I probably say too much to her already.  This is my safe haven as I attempt to live with loved one with BPD...

[Sir5r]

I let a few friends know I was here that's about it.
If my wife found out about it being here would become useless to me.

Sir5r

[megocean]

If my wife found out about it being here would become useless to me.

Same here. I worry about him finding out sometimes. There is no way unless he finds it completely on his own, reads it, finds my posts and puts them together to identify himself. So no way, I am 99.9% sure. He does seem to have a sixth sense though sometimes, so nothing is impossible ;p

[Sir5r]

If my wife found out about it being here would become useless to me.

Same here. I worry about him finding out sometimes. There is no way unless he finds it completely on his own, reads it, finds my posts and puts them together to identify himself. So no way, I am 99.9% sure. He does seem to have a sixth sense though sometimes, so nothing is impossible ;p

Mine isn't computer literate enough to know about sites like this. So I'm lucky in that respect.

Sir5r

[MeSoBlu]

No way I would even hint to my udBPDh about this site. This is my sanity and since he thinks he is only mildly depressed, I would never hear the end of it! Because you know, everything is my fault anyway.

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