When do you know your ready to move on?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Are there any signs you can look for when your ready to move on?

I have no anger/sorrow left, I realize that my codependency was the reason I got in so deep with her, I'm bored with learning about BPD, it seems so predictable after a while, BUT I still think about her for over 75% of my time. I'm not thinking about anything specific, it just like a presence if you will, like a constant background noise.

I don't want her back, I know she will always be the same, and I have nothing to gain from any sort of contact with her. I see her sometimes where I live, the feelings I have for her are the same I have for my other (non) exes.

Just wish the background noise would drift off.

Anyone got any thoughts?

Thanks a lot.

[Roger Rabbit]

Are there any signs you can look for when your ready to move on?

I have no anger/sorrow left, I realize that my codependency was the reason I got in so deep with her, I'm bored with learning about BPD, it seems so predictable after a while, BUT I still think about her for over 75% of my time. I'm not thinking about anything specific, it just like a presence if you will, like a constant background noise.

I don't want her back, I know she will always be the same, and I have nothing to gain from any sort of contact with her. I see her sometimes where I live, the feelings I have for her are the same I have for my other (non) exes.

Just wish the background noise would drift off.

Anyone got any thoughts?

Thanks a lot.

[beyondbelief]

Could you please clarify by what you mean by moving on?

[Roger Rabbit]

Hmmmn, that's a good question.

I dunno I guess is my answer. To be as I am right now, just without this constant background noise in my head.

It's a bit like a hangover from drinking too much.

It isn't doing anything for me, it doesn't invoke any feelings. It's just getting boring now.

I probably sound like I'm crazy.

[suzn]

  Ohhh I remember telling this same thing to my T and thinking I must be done with therapy if I had no feelings for the ex anymore and I was bored. She said oh no I will be seeing you next week, I want you past this boredom first. It's my understanding that being frustrated about being bored not long after my breakup is like withdrawls. Gota find something to do with yourself to get busy. Now is the time to start branching out into your interests and building close friendships if you haven't already started. Who are you? What interests you? What would you like your new life to look like now that you are free to do anything you desire? What are you doing, for you, to learn more about your codependence? 

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[Roger Rabbit]

THANK YOU!

I didn't say anything in my earlier posts, but I suspected this, but didn't mention it as I didn't want to pre-empt it. I think you are EXACTLY right!

Currently I'm finding it hard to find a full time job where I live, and so am working from home, but I know I have toooo much spare time on my hands.

I need to get busy don't I?

With regards to my codependance I'm reading about the subject, and how it has affected me throughout me life.

But codependance aside, you have just made my day, the direction/kick up the butt I think I needed!

Does that sound about right? It certainly feels right/makes perfect sense to me.




 

[suzn]

kick up the butt

Omgoodness I didnt really mean it as a kick up the butt Roger. So do you think you would like to do with all your time?

[Roger Rabbit]

haha, no worries, it's what I needed 

Basically to get back to where I was before I met her. Her neediness ended up taking up all my time. I felt suffocated!

I tried to start a little business during the time I was with her, but had no time to develop it because she was always around me at every single opportunity. So to work on that. Earn some money to buy new things (a car for one), and have the money to go out more, and of course meet someone new!

I've always felt I've known myself well (of course I know myself even better now I think, the codependancy issue/research has answered a lot of questions for me), and have always known what I've wanted to do. She dragged me wayyyyy off course, it's time to get back on course!

So happy right now, can't thank you enough! 

[beyondbelief]

www.meetup.com has local groups with all sorts of interests.  Almost all of them are low cost and many are free.  It could help you with your business networking, current or new hobbies, perhaps even to meet a new romantic interest.

[Roger Rabbit]

Hey thanks BB, Just had a look and found a couple near me which I'd be interested in going to.

Much appreciated!