Daughter's using Drugs again.

[Think About It....]

After finally getting some proper help last fall and reconnecting with mental health, my dd30 admitted to us today that she has been using heroin again.  I am not feeling anything right now, other than very sorry for her children. The 6 and 9 year old from her first marriage are back in their fathers' care. The 2 y/o is at his grandpa's house.
The part of me that is angry is directed towards my dd's SO. This time it was made clear that he has been using right along side her. They even pawned their car.
I'm sorry for my ex-Son-in-Law, who after paying his 750 dollar child support three days ago, finds himself in the position to try and feed them for the month without that money.( and it probably all went in my d's and her honey's arms)
I guess I just came on here to say, I HATE drugs. I hate BPD. I will probably feel differently tomorrow, but right now I could really care less about my dd. I guess I am numbed with shock and disappointment.

[jojospal]

After finally getting some proper help last fall and reconnecting with mental health, my dd30 admitted to us today that she has been using heroin again.  I am not feeling anything right now, other than very sorry for her children. The 6 and 9 year old from her first marriage are back in their fathers' care. The 2 y/o is at his grandpa's house.
The part of me that is angry is directed towards my dd's SO. This time it was made clear that he has been using right along side her. They even pawned their car.
I'm sorry for my ex-Son-in-Law, who after paying his 750 dollar child support three days ago, finds himself in the position to try and feed them for the month without that money.( and it probably all went in my d's and her honey's arms)
I guess I just came on here to say, I HATE drugs. I hate BPD. I will probably feel differently tomorrow, but right now I could really care less about my dd. I guess I am numbed with shock and disappointment.

[trytrytry]

No words of wisdom. Only words of support.  Peace be with you all one day at a time.

[cfh]

Maybe this will offend and I'm sorry if it does...but so many people say this is God's plan.  How can that be?  Why have our children's lives been stolen from them.  And I'm tired of everyone telling me how strong I am.  I'm not.  I'm falling apart. 

[heronbird]

What a load of rubbish, Gods plan, never heard such thing

We all hate drugs and BPD, I was talking about an amazing singer songwriter who had BPD she is from UK, she hooked up with a man she was madly in love with and abused drugs, she was always worse when with him, everybody blamed him really, but that is what BPDs seem to do isnt it.

I am so sorry, its one of our worse sinarios, drugs, because we dont know where its going do we. Thats why this illness is so horrible because if we are not worring about them dying under hourendous circumstances then we have drugs to worry about.

Even harder if you have grankids to worry about, gosh, you must get so strong through all this.

One thing I have seemed to notice, PWBPD seem to take drugs but not always get hooked, so they seem to do it for a week or so maybe while they are feeling bad and desperate, then when bit better maybe they dont. I dont know and my dd is younger still so its still early stages.

I wish I could say some thing to help more.

[Reality]

My BPDs23 just came and woke me at 3:30 in the morning, saying, "These are the best years of my life and I am sitting in the basement."
Tragic! 
Saying a tragedy is God's plan seems rather lame.  People do not understand the horrors of the tragic lives of our children.
The suffering for everyone is beyond words. 
Reality

[jojospal]

Oh how I hate facebook posts that look like suicide threats.
"See yea all on the other side."
So, I phoned, trying to suppress the panic. You see, she just moved this weekend and I have no idea of where her new place is in a city 500 miles away.
We talked for a half an hour. She seemed annoyed at my calling and I had to apologize for forgetting she is an hour ahead. She stated how nobody loves her and how everyone is blaming her for getting her SO hooked. His family is being mean and uncaring towards her. I suggested that they were angry and once he tells them the truth, they will be more understanding.
She promised that she wouldn't OD before going into hospital tomorrow. The main reason being, that the city is dry.
I'm just going to try and not let fear overwhelm me. Yet still, as she hits this latest bottom, I must say, she has never been this low before or lost so much.
I'm pretty sure she is hooked hard this time around. She was on oxycontin for almost a year for pain management, due to Uterine fibroids. Then her new gp noticed that she had a history of addiction to opiates and stopped giving them to her. She then bought them off the streets and well, heroin is cheaper, right? She told me tonight that she's done over 10k worth in the last 4 months.

I have to thank you all for your replies. It helps having this support at such times. I am worried, but very accepting that I am powerless to do anything to help at this time.

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[Kidnapped]

I'm sorry sorry to hear you are going through all this.  I know it's always hard when there are pain management issues.   Trying to find the balance between proper care and abuse is so very, very hard!  It's common for parents and family members to blame the drug, or the doctors involved...and sometimes, they're right.  Either because proper medication wasn't delivered sufficiently...or because it got over-delivered, if you will.  Or, the dealer gets blamed.   But you know and I know she could have made a number of other choices.  She could have started drinking instead of shooting heroine.  She could have found a different physician.  On and on...in the end, all we know is that she took the wrong path and no amount of blame is going to fix this thing.   But if she's breathing...she still has a shot at getting better. 

I hope she does take herself to the hospital. And I'm glad the grandkids are safely out of the situation.  And also, I hope that when the numbness wears off, that you can keep on operating enough acceptance of the situation to keep going and doing whatever you need to be doing.   I don't know whose plan is what.    That serenity prayer does't ask for God's day planner.  It just asks for wisdom and courage, that's all.  And I wish you both.   

[Sadforson]

Jojospal,  very sorry to hear about your daughter.  here is the link http://buprenorphine.samhsa.gov/bwns_locator/index.html. For the national Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administrations' doctors and clinics in each state which have been approved to prescribe  Buprenorphine which has been seen to be superior to methadone in treating addicts.  If she decides to seek treatment this would be a good place to start to find resources.

[cfh]

Buprenorphine aka Suboxone saved my sons life.  He was a hard core heroin addict and though not all doctors are licensed to write a script...if you can find one it's a wonderful drug. 

[Battle Weary]

It's also great because one can get it from a private doctor and not have to go to a methadone clinic.

[jojospal]

I  haven't heard from her today. I left a message on her voice mail to call me back. I'm just hoping that she does.
  I had to go to the clinic to get a blood sample taken, in the wrong frame of mind to have to face a needle,considering my circumstance, but I did good. I have my own Doctor's appointment tomorrow and am very mindful about taking care of myself throughout this.
My other two d's have called, of course being concerned about the  FB post. One left work after an hour to go home and re-group. She didn't get much sleep last night either. She is 28 now and has lived along side us through all of the troubles we have had with her older sister, but last night it hit her hard, the fact that she could actually lose her sister. We had a really good chat and I suggested she start posting on these boards. I hope she does. I knows she understands that her sister is sick but her feeling are unique to her and she does hold back a lot when she talks to me, because she loves me and wants to protect me from her feelings of anger. She recognizes that I get enough anger directed towards me by dBPD.
I love her for that.
 As for having any input in her recovery from drugs, I have a big zero. She is 30 years old and hasn't shared medical information with me for over a decade. We live in Canada and the services for drug addicts is excellent. I wish that mental health could do as well for BPD sufferers. It would probably stop the majority of them from getting addicted in the first place.
I will pass the information about Buprenorphine to her and she can talk to her doctor about it.  I will first ask my doctor if  it is available in Canada when I see her tomorrow! Thanks for letting me know about it, and thanks for caring. I did have  a good cry this afternoon, so the numbness did wear off.

[jojospal]

She called late last night. They went and got the car out of hock. Her SO's mother paid for it. The plan now is for them both to present themselves together at the doors of rehab this morning.She is hoping that there are enough beds.
It took all the restraint I could muster, the conversation about drugs. I was thinking of how brilliant she could be if she only chose a more positive activity to be involved in.  Her BPD symptoms were in full force but I brushed them aside and was able to convey to her that we all really do care. If they don't have room for her, she said that she didn't know what she would do. I did a whoopsy daisy and offered that she could come here and dry out. Well, she grabbed onto that idea with all sorts of possible suggestions on how to travel here.
I have done it before years ago. She was 19 or 20 and told me she was using heroin. I sort of scared her straight and said she had the choice to be a junkie and live that lifestyle but I wouldn't be around to watch. When she decided to go for help, they couldn't get her in for a week so I took her home and when she was back at their doors a week later, they were surprised that she already had dried out. The lady at the desk actually thanked me for making their job so much easier.
I live on a small acreage, 5 miles from town. My truck has a stick and she doesn't drive standard. She would have no access to her drug here, and once she feels better, I could use her OCD to my advantage with getting some spring cleaning done around here!
Then again, my fingers and toes are crossed that she gets a bed there. I really don't want to see her strung out, and I know my other daughter wont bring gd by for her weekly visits.
So, today I am hoping that I don't get a call from her. That means she is in.

PS: I mentioned the Suboxone and she knows all about it. She has done a lot of internet research and explained it all to me, but she says it isn't for her.