We're Communicating More Now Than Ever

[Think About It...]

ok folks, since my BPDw filed for divorce, we went from not communicating at all for six months, to communicating daily.  sometimes i think she filed for divorce just to get attention.  i don't know.  we are basically communicating about the divorce though.  she does throw in some niceness at first but then gets to the what she really wants.

this is just weird.   ?

[goinbonkers]

ok folks, since my BPDw filed for divorce, we went from not communicating at all for six months, to communicating daily.  sometimes i think she filed for divorce just to get attention.  i don't know.  we are basically communicating about the divorce though.  she does throw in some niceness at first but then gets to the what she really wants.

this is just weird.   ?

[Auspicious]

ok folks, since my BPDw filed for divorce, we went from not communicating at all for six months, to communicating daily.  sometimes i think she filed for divorce just to get attention.  i don't know.  we are basically communicating about the divorce though.  she does throw in some niceness at first but then gets to the what she really wants.

this is just weird.   ?

Obviously you are hoping that this means she will change her mind. I've been in just that spot.

It's possible (my wife did eventually change her mind) but there's no way to predict. In any case, either way it behooves you to start being more rationally oriented about your situation.

Not saying to reject overtures ... just saying keep your head. Stay off the rollercoaster. Pay attention to actions, more than words. Be someone she can respect, not just someone to be manipulated.

And make sure you take care of yourself - your job, your health, things that you need to do. Don't let the drama consume you.

[goinbonkers]

thanks for the advice.  i think i may need to move to no contact because she's starting to drive me crazy.  she can be civil, but then within milliseconds she becomes uncivil.  she says she doesn't hate me at all.  she just wants to divorce me.

she just keeps rushing me to get served the papers and i told her that my attorney is going to call her so please be patient.  she is rushing like she is going to die or something.  everyone i know says she for sure has another guy.

ok folks, since my BPDw filed for divorce, we went from not communicating at all for six months, to communicating daily.  sometimes i think she filed for divorce just to get attention.  i don't know.  we are basically communicating about the divorce though.  she does throw in some niceness at first but then gets to the what she really wants.

this is just weird.   ?

Obviously you are hoping that this means she will change her mind. I've been in just that spot.

It's possible (my wife did eventually change her mind) but there's no way to predict. In any case, either way it behooves you to start being more rationally oriented about your situation.

Not saying to reject overtures ... just saying keep your head. Stay off the rollercoaster. Pay attention to actions, more than words. Be someone she can respect, not just someone to be manipulated.

And make sure you take care of yourself - your job, your health, things that you need to do. Don't let the drama consume you.

[artman.1]

thanks for the advice.  i think i may need to move to no contact because she's starting to drive me crazy.  she can be civil, but then within milliseconds she becomes uncivil.  she says she doesn't hate me at all.  she just wants to divorce me.

she just keeps rushing me to get served the papers and i told her that my attorney is going to call her so please be patient.  she is rushing like she is going to die or something.  everyone i know says she for sure has another guy. 

     I believe this probably has a great deal to do with her hurry.  This is a typical BPD trait, and I did experience this with my UBPDW about 37 years ago.  Her sister was getting a divorce, and was partying with her GF's at a local Dance club, and sucked my UBPDW into the Partying.  My UBPDW suddenly wanted a divorce, and filed.  I followed her one eavening and found she was meeting her sister and GF's at the night club.  I went back later and saw her in our Car getting it on with her new Lover.  We had three small sons, 3, 4, & 5 years old, and I thought she was a good Mother, so I fought the divorce, and forced MC.  The MC scared her with the facts of her future without me, and later she had a party, and when I got home the sterio Equipment was missing from my home.  It came out that her Boy friends stole the equipment.  That woke her up, that she had picked some really bad characters to fall in love with.  We reconciled, and later her sister came down with AIDS, and has battled the AIDS ever since.

Art

[goinbonkers]

bummer.  

i hear that's pretty typical though.  

it has happened to me before and i was not willing to reconcile because i was too hurt by the affair.

every woman i have ever been with has had an affair.

[Auspicious]

she just keeps rushing me to get served the papers and i told her that my attorney is going to call her so please be patient.  she is rushing like she is going to die

It's her big focus right now, probably because she thinks it will make her feel better. Her urgency doesn't have to be your urgency, though.

[goinbonkers]

she just keeps rushing me to get served the papers and i told her that my attorney is going to call her so please be patient.  she is rushing like she is going to die

It's her big focus right now, probably because she thinks it will make her feel better. Her urgency doesn't have to be your urgency, though.

thanks.  that does make a lot of sense.  a couple of days isn't going to kill her any.  unfortunately my attorney has lots of other cases he is handling also.  he said he's going to call her so she can serve him the papers and so i will leave it at that.