I'm still in a transitional stage of realizing part of what has gone wrong, my role in it and trying to gain an ounce of understanding denied to me in the past. On second reading and appropriate reality check by responder I realize that I have negated the positive step I have taken at the expense of the possible consequences for my spouse.
In transition is a good way of explaining it. That transitional phase can feel confusing and I certainly help lots of conflicting thoughts and emotions for a while.
Am I the responder
. You can call me CM
I have more confidence in him than I previously conveyed and I really love him and want him to be happy and successful.
Yes and maybe more confidence/trust within yourself to set a boundary.
Vindictiveness has NEVER been part of my character, but I see it coming out now and I am not proud of this. I feel it is the product of finally being pushed as far as my unestablished limits can tolerate and a reflection of the dirty tactics that have proven successful on me. The "you can't beat them...join them..." mentality. Definitely not me and I'm still in the process of figuring out who "me" is anymore.
Its OK to be assertive chattycat ~ does it make you feel uncomfortable?
I was asked where to now?
For all of the patience in my character that I am proud of, right now I don't feel patient.
Chattycat, if there is one thing I have learnt about myself is that I am mix of all kinds of emotions â€“ among other things of course, this is who I am. I can get angry, I can be sad, I can be inpatient, frustrated, sad, happy, elatedâ€¦â€¦you may get my drift. Its OK to show emotion and really feel it â€“ even the intense stuff.
I want to know ASAP if he has any desire to try and work things out with me or not. I don't think he knows at this point and it would be wrong for me to push. He has already state that counseling or medications are not an option. I know I cannot help myself or our relationship without outside guidance. I doubt he can either. I really don't know at this time what the next step is other than taking care of myself and letting him know I care and our marriage is important to me.
Are you in communication?
You feel a therapist will help you then that is great. Your healing and his are different â€“ he needs to want to get help. Choosing a Path - Lessons for members who are undecided about their relationships