Jumping out of a moving car

[Think About It...]

Last night while I was driving, my diagnosed BPD wife and I got into an argument (shocker).  I admittedly lost my cool and raised my voice, which was certainly my fault and a mistake, and my wife's response was to attempt to jump out of the moving car.  She unbuckled her seat belt and opened the door.  I reached over to grab her and keep her from doing that, and she now accuses me of physically abusing and restraining her.  Had she jumped, the result would have been much worse, obviously.  She was not injured or bruised in any way by my grabbing her arm, and the police were not called or involved.  However, I am terrified by her claims of physical abuse. 

Has anyone experienced anything like this before?  I really don't know what else I could have done in the situation. 

[ApChagi1]

Last night while I was driving, my diagnosed BPD wife and I got into an argument (shocker).  I admittedly lost my cool and raised my voice, which was certainly my fault and a mistake, and my wife's response was to attempt to jump out of the moving car.  She unbuckled her seat belt and opened the door.  I reached over to grab her and keep her from doing that, and she now accuses me of physically abusing and restraining her.  Had she jumped, the result would have been much worse, obviously.  She was not injured or bruised in any way by my grabbing her arm, and the police were not called or involved.  However, I am terrified by her claims of physical abuse. 

Has anyone experienced anything like this before?  I really don't know what else I could have done in the situation. 

[sirhero]

My ex and I got into an argument before. She told me to leave and took my phone from me at the same time. She didn't get too far with it, I caught up and had to reach over her back to get it.. eventually getting it out of her hand. I had to hold her back while I also got my phone from the floor too. She accused me of beating the you know what out of her.

[Auspicious]

Last night while I was driving, my diagnosed BPD wife and I got into an argument (shocker).  I admittedly lost my cool and raised my voice, which was certainly my fault and a mistake, and my wife's response was to attempt to jump out of the moving car.  She unbuckled her seat belt and opened the door.  I reached over to grab her and keep her from doing that, and she now accuses me of physically abusing and restraining her.  Had she jumped, the result would have been much worse, obviously.  She was not injured or bruised in any way by my grabbing her arm, and the police were not called or involved.  However, I am terrified by her claims of physical abuse. 

Has anyone experienced anything like this before?  I really don't know what else I could have done in the situation. 

One thing you could do now is to choose to not drive with her until she is able to control herself (has had more therapy, has come up with a better plan to manage feeling upset while in the car, etc.).

Yes, that might be very inconvenient, but doing crazy things often results in inconvenience (don't say that last part to her, BTW).


Your boundary here (if you choose that) would be something like "I will not drive with someone who behaves dangerously in the car."

If that means she can't get where she needs to go, or that she has to take a bus, or ... well, you never know, that might motivate her to make some positive changes. But in any case, it protects you, and her.

[gred2012]

Sadly, I have been there. My SO has tried the car thing(I was abusive when i stopped her pulled the door shut so she couldnt jump out of a car going 55 mph), refused to give me my keys, phone, wallet. Anything to make me stress. She has lunged at me to get the keys from me and then when I dont simply let her grab them then I am being abusive.

These things can be a real mind trip.  I grabbed a chef's knife from her one time that she was waving at me and then turned on herself and she told me I was being crazy and violent for doing that. Nevermind the threats on me and herself... I am obviously out of control according to her.

I caution you to take this stuff seriously. Otherwise the anxiety of what she will do to top it next time will drive you crazy.

[Auspicious]

My ex and I got into an argument before. She told me to leave and took my phone from me at the same time. She didn't get too far with it, I caught up and had to reach over her back to get it.. eventually getting it out of her hand. I had to hold her back while I also got my phone from the floor too. She accused me of beating the you know what out of her.

Very dangerous, for you. Getting into a physical altercation makes you vulnerable to charges of domestic violence.

[Sir5r]

Last night while I was driving, my diagnosed BPD wife and I got into an argument (shocker).  I admittedly lost my cool and raised my voice, which was certainly my fault and a mistake, and my wife's response was to attempt to jump out of the moving car.  She unbuckled her seat belt and opened the door.  I reached over to grab her and keep her from doing that, and she now accuses me of physically abusing and restraining her.  Had she jumped, the result would have been much worse, obviously.  She was not injured or bruised in any way by my grabbing her arm, and the police were not called or involved.  However, I am terrified by her claims of physical abuse. 

Has anyone experienced anything like this before?  I really don't know what else I could have done in the situation. 

My wife has tried to jump out of the car.  She never did.  The worst thing she did in a car was while I was driving on a main four lane street was pull the center emergency brake on.  The car did a 90 Degree turn, Thankfully no one was behind us or we would have been broadsided. 

There are times I simply will not get into a car with her because of her mental state.  She has had many accidents while dysregulated.  Mostly she hit trees and barriers while angrily driving.  The Teens will no longer get in a car with her when she is raging.  She used to hunt them down in the car and embarrass them in front of their friends as well.

She has improved a lot in therapy to the relief of the whole family but still has quite a ways to go.

Best Advice is DO NOT get into a car when your BPD SO is raging.  If the raging does start and you are driving pull over, get out of the car with the keys and start walking.

One night after returning from a "Retrouvaille" meeting (a waste of time with a BPD BTW) my wife was driving and pulled over on the highway four times on a 40 minute drive to yell at me and prove a point.  I held my ground said nothing until we got home.  I said "Man that was a long ride tonight..."

My wife used a car like a prison when she wanted to antagonize you. Another time when she was totally crazed and yelling at me while I was trapped in thew car. she said "Where's an OFFICER! I need an OFFICER!"  as soon as the car stopped I got out and walked away and would not get into the car with her.   She was so irate over this I said "Let me find an officer and ask if he or she thinks I should get in the car."  She regained control really quickly after that.


I short cars are a very bad place to trapped with a dysregulated person.



Sir5r

 

[sirhero]

My ex and I got into an argument before. She told me to leave and took my phone from me at the same time. She didn't get too far with it, I caught up and had to reach over her back to get it.. eventually getting it out of her hand. I had to hold her back while I also got my phone from the floor too. She accused me of beating the you know what out of her.

Very dangerous, for you. Getting into a physical altercation makes you vulnerable to charges of domestic violence.

Yeah tell me about, she still doesn't let me live that down. In fact she uses everything I've ever "done" against me in arguments all the time.

[Sir5r]

My ex and I got into an argument before. She told me to leave and took my phone from me at the same time. She didn't get too far with it, I caught up and had to reach over her back to get it.. eventually getting it out of her hand. I had to hold her back while I also got my phone from the floor too. She accused me of beating the you know what out of her.

It's a VERY Dangerous position to be in.  Do not let yourself get provoked into doing something you will regret, Get away, leave them alone. Why would you stay and be treated that way anyway? Does staying to be abused mke any sense at all?

Sir5r

Very dangerous, for you. Getting into a physical altercation makes you vulnerable to charges of domestic violence.

Yeah tell me about, she still doesn't let me live that down. In fact she uses everything I've ever "done" against me in arguments all the time.

[gred2012]

As far as her using against you, I have to ignore my SO all the time with that stuff.  I was awoken one time from the couch(i end up there a lot) by her punching me in the face and when i said "whats the matter with you, are you are ******* crazy?"

She still brings that up and fails to acknowledge the unprovoked physical attack that she pulled on me to get that reaction.  In her mind i just became enraged and screamed it at her without reason.  This is what makes it so hard for me to walk away, it takes her rage into a whole new level.

[ApChagi1]

I am surprised and relieved I am not alone in this experience.  Thanks for sharing everybody.

[Auspicious]

I am surprised and relieved I am not alone in this experience.  Thanks for sharing everybody.

So ... what are you going to do to protect yourself from this?

[ApChagi1]

I am considering an adult sized version of a child car seat . . .kidding. 

I have to make a concentrated effort to be more aware of her mood before we drive anywhere, and learn to better control my reactions when she is trying to pick a fight.  I am analytical and logical by nature, and I frequently make the mistake of trying to explain or reason through something with her, which obviously does not work with BPDs.  I slip up on that sometimes for sure.

[Steph]

 My H, before he was treated, DID throw himself out of the moving car. I pulled over, promptly saw him leap a fence after rolling, and called 911 and went home. He ended up in the hospital that time for mental health stuff, but was somehow unharmed.

   After that, I learned to either get out of the car myself, if he was out of control, having him pull over, or at a red light...or I would pull over and ask him if he needed me to call 911..basically, it was unsafe to be in a moving vehicle at some times with him and I was all about protecting myself and him, if possible by calling for help. He usually would straighten up when I reached for the phone.

  Its no fun, tho...

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