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Think About It... Defending our boundaries is more than a response in times of conflict - it's a lifestyle. Learn how to get in touch with your values, define and communicate boundaries of those values, and defend against boundary busters. ~ Skip
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Author Topic: Rescuing  (Read 769 times)
sirhero
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« on: March 13, 2012, 04:16:23 PM »

Welp I fell for it, she invited me over again last night and I ended up staying the night yet again. The lease is up on her apartment and she mentioned looking for a place together. I don't know if that was just her tiredness talking or what. Anyways today it seems she got a phone about some personal things and was upset. Called me up at work saying she needs to go to the hospital and admit herself for depression. And asked me to come over right away..I obliged and left work early rushing to her place as this is the first time I've heard her say anything like that.

I got there and she gave me a hug right and began crying. She did not admit herself to the hospital and seemed to be fine for the most part once I showed up. I comforted her and laid down with her afterwards while we talked about random things and eventually fell asleep. I left not too long ago and here I am now posting this.

Before she said we were pretty much done. Now every time I come over we are acting more and more like a couple again. Her mom and sister are visiting her right now. She said she'd text me later so we'll see how things go. At this point I still don't know what to do. A part of me wants to go back and a part of me has it's hesitation.
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Steph
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« Reply #1 on: March 14, 2012, 07:05:01 AM »

 What do you want to have happen here?

Please be aware that my question is very important...otherwise, you are allowing her mental illness to control and direct your life and your relationship.

Steph
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sirhero
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« Reply #2 on: March 14, 2012, 07:24:07 AM »

What do you want to have happen here?

Please be aware that my question is very important...otherwise, you are allowing her mental illness to control and direct your life and your relationship.

Steph

I'm leaning towards working things out with her, if that is even possible.
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LoveNotWar
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« Reply #3 on: March 14, 2012, 07:34:43 AM »

Sir,

Read the post that says I have chosen to live with a person who has emotional problems.

Let it sink in.

Ask yourself can I live like this for the rest of my life?

It may get better w/therapy but maybe not...I can only deal with what's on my plate today, can't live for tomorrow.

That might help you decide.

I have found that in order to do this day to day I have to have my commitment firm in my mind, if I waffle I am lost and floundering, questioning myself at every turn.

This is HARD!

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What you resist persists.
sirhero
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« Reply #4 on: March 14, 2012, 08:23:52 AM »

Sir,

Read the post that says I have chosen to live with a person who has emotional problems.

Let it sink in.

Ask yourself can I live like this for the rest of my life?

It may get better w/therapy but maybe not...I can only deal with what's on my plate today, can't live for tomorrow.

That might help you decide.

I have found that in order to do this day to day I have to have my commitment firm in my mind, if I waffle I am lost and floundering, questioning myself at every turn.

This is HARD!

I think I am still getting use to the fact that she has BPD. And sometimes I forget that and don't use the tools when necessary. I am willing to put forth the effort to make this work. Most days aren't bad really, but when she rages...she rages and sometimes, like I said, I forget it's the disease and don't mind what I say sometimes.
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Auspicious
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« Reply #5 on: March 14, 2012, 08:25:41 AM »

What do you want to have happen here?

Please be aware that my question is very important...otherwise, you are allowing her mental illness to control and direct your life and your relationship.

Re-read that about 100 times smiley

If she leads the way, you will go wherever she wanders. If she's mentally ill, that could be some pretty ... interesting ... places.
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isilme
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« Reply #6 on: March 14, 2012, 04:17:20 PM »

What about her escalating rages while drinking?  Has that been addressed?
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« Reply #7 on: March 15, 2012, 12:17:08 AM »

Accepting that our loved one "is" mentally ill takes time to process.

It isn't easy to let go of the dreams of them suddenly treating us better. Acceptance means that we have to stop viewing things from a victim mentality. It means that we have to face our own mistakes in giving too much while also expecting too much. It means taking off the rose colored glasses and facing the reality of our lives.

Yes, our partners are mentally ill.

And yes, we danced with them longer than we should have.

Whether that means you stay or go, radical acceptance sets the way to create real change.

The alternative is to keep hoping and wishing and wanting, while nothing changes...
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Change your perceptions and you change your life.  Nothing changes without changes
sirhero
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« Reply #8 on: March 15, 2012, 07:25:21 AM »

Accepting that our loved one "is" mentally ill takes time to process.

It isn't easy to let go of the dreams of them suddenly treating us better. Acceptance means that we have to stop viewing things from a victim mentality. It means that we have to face our own mistakes in giving too much while also expecting too much. It means taking off the rose colored glasses and facing the reality of our lives.

Yes, our partners are mentally ill.

And yes, we danced with them longer than we should have.

Whether that means you stay or go, radical acceptance sets the way to create real change.

The alternative is to keep hoping and wishing and wanting, while nothing changes...

I like that a lot united. I HAVE to come to terms with this, but I always seem to second guess myself. Always try to think of a rational explanation other than BPD, but the traits show and I think about everything else that has happened and I snap back into reality. This is my reality now, dating someone with a mental illness. This is something that I CHOOSE to do.
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sirhero
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« Reply #9 on: March 16, 2012, 03:22:40 PM »

Soo, after everything I did for her this past week...coming over when she called, cuddling/sleeping with her, taking off work early cause she was depressed. She's not sure if she is capable of loving me dearly and I have caused her too much grief and put her in a bad situation...
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