What Should I Do?

[Think About It...]

About 2-3 months ago, my girlfriend and I of a mere 2 months broke up. She had BPD. And this is where I need help:

After breaking up with me, she started hooking up with this other guy (whom she was not nearly as close with), leaving me out to dry, really. When she initially broke up with me, she did so because she knew that she had a problem with relationships, and sought out to get better. I accepted this and although I was hurt, I was okay with this. However, when we went back to college, she started hooking up with this other guy and I became extremely jealous of him, and I wasn't the most supportive ex-boyfriend. Then, after about a month of turmoil, I came to the conclusion that it is best that I do my own thing, but be there for if she needs help.

And after I gained that mentality, I tried to portray it to her, and it was, I guess, successful. And she had recently gone to see help in which she was diagnosed with BPD as well as a few other things.

In the past few weeks, however, she had an attempted suicide, at which point she was hospitilized, and after being released that night she ended up calling me, at which point i happened to be up at the most random time in the night.

Now, she is on psychiactric leave from college, and is back home getting help. I have yet to be "painted black," it appears, for we talked the other day and everything seemed fine, and was willing to talk. However I have been reading, and is it better for me to be there for her and support her through her recovery? Or should I leave the situation entirely. Which ever one would help her more is what I want to do.

I am also much closer to her than the other dude she was hooking up with after me.

At this point i just want what's best for her.

[pro450]

About 2-3 months ago, my girlfriend and I of a mere 2 months broke up. She had BPD. And this is where I need help:

After breaking up with me, she started hooking up with this other guy (whom she was not nearly as close with), leaving me out to dry, really. When she initially broke up with me, she did so because she knew that she had a problem with relationships, and sought out to get better. I accepted this and although I was hurt, I was okay with this. However, when we went back to college, she started hooking up with this other guy and I became extremely jealous of him, and I wasn't the most supportive ex-boyfriend. Then, after about a month of turmoil, I came to the conclusion that it is best that I do my own thing, but be there for if she needs help.

And after I gained that mentality, I tried to portray it to her, and it was, I guess, successful. And she had recently gone to see help in which she was diagnosed with BPD as well as a few other things.

In the past few weeks, however, she had an attempted suicide, at which point she was hospitilized, and after being released that night she ended up calling me, at which point i happened to be up at the most random time in the night.

Now, she is on psychiactric leave from college, and is back home getting help. I have yet to be "painted black," it appears, for we talked the other day and everything seemed fine, and was willing to talk. However I have been reading, and is it better for me to be there for her and support her through her recovery? Or should I leave the situation entirely. Which ever one would help her more is what I want to do.

I am also much closer to her than the other dude she was hooking up with after me.

At this point i just want what's best for her.

[beyondbelief]

I think you should spend some serious time considering several questions:

1.  Why do you really want to be involved in the situation?
2.  What are you willing to sacrifice to become involved?
3.  What do you want to gain by becoming involved?
4.  What can you really do to be a positive influence in the situation?
5.  If you do decide to be involved will you be willing to stay involved for possibly years as she recovers?

Your decision is your own and no one can fault you no matter what your choice.  

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for analyzing and making the decision to either continue working on your relationship or to leave it. If you have already please advance to "L3 Leaving" or the "L4 Staying" board. All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)