Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
September 22, 2014, 11:17:14 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Moderators: DreamGirl, LettingGo14, P.F.Change, Rapt Reader
Advisors: livednlearned, maxen, Mutt, pessim-optimist, Turkish, Waverider
Ambassadors: Aussie JJ, caredverymuch, contradancer, free-n-clear, HealingSpirit, lever, NorthernGirl, ziggiddy
  Directory Guidelines Glossary   Boards   Help Please Donate Login Register  
bing
Please Welcome Adult Children to our Community
Every day we have new Adult Children and other family members show up here looking for a way. Extend them a warm hand - invite them to join in. Look for the FM designation in your "unread posts since last visit" or go directly to the new members board.
278
Pages: 1 [2]  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Letter from uBPDm  (Read 546 times)
P.F.Change
MODERATOR
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Home Board: FM-Healing
Posts: 3782



« Reply #10 on: March 17, 2012, 03:52:15 PM »

@PFChange: Thanks for the link! I read it through and wonder: can she have both PD's? There are many things with NPD that fit the bill, but BPD seems to have the edge.

Yes. BPD is often comorbid with other Cluster B disorders (NPD, AsPD, HPD). There are a lot of overlapping traits and behaviors as well.

My next question is: should I reply, or not?

To me it sounds like you already answered that question. Check out what you wrote below...I put it in bold.
Of course we have restricted all wedding photos, much to their disappointment. Heck, since they didn't come, they've lost the privilege to see any of them and I've decided that no contact is best, complete and final.

If you mean that, there's no reason to reply. However, if you think you want to explicitly say, "Stop contacting me," that's all you need to say. You don't need to respond to anything in her letter. I found the info in this link helpful: How to stop circular arguments

And for your reference, here is the one on BIFF: TOOLS: Responding to hostile email

PF
Logged

“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.”--Lao Tzu
AfraidAndSad99
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Home Board: FM-Coping
Posts: 86


I promise to take care of your dogs, Little Sister


« Reply #11 on: March 17, 2012, 05:20:07 PM »

No, no, a thousand times no! Like someone above said, you answered your own question. I don't know where you live but here in the USA you can have the telephone company block a single number or a whole area code. All 3 of my e-mail systems, when I put the BPD in as junk mail, didn't even appear in my junk mail box (so I wasn't tempted to read anything). One person I know had to contact her e-mail system (hotmail) and report the sender as harassing to get that done.

No matter HOW perfect your communication with a BPD is, no matter how closely you may have followed instructions - they WILL NEVER GET THE MESSAGE!  Their brains don't work that way - sort of like AC and DC electric current. And they do seem to have a totally uncanny knack for twisting your words in the way that's most hurtful to you. Silence is  golden!


Afraid And Sad 99
Logged

Afraid and Sad
Rbrdkyst4
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Home Board: FM-Healing
Posts: 222

I have the right to live my life the way I choose


« Reply #12 on: March 22, 2012, 07:30:07 PM »

Thank you everyone for your replies! It's cemented my position with regards to the future relationship with my parents, at least until my uBPDm dies. no contact all the way. Even considering cutting off contact with other members of my family due to their actions. This whole event has been empowering and talking with other members of my extended family has made the course of action clear.
Logged
Fall Fund Drive
Hi guys. Thanks for all that you do everyday to help others and to make BPDFamily a healing place.
On behalf of all of those that will benefit in 2015, we thank everyone for doing their part and "paying it forward".
309
Utkatasana
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 50


« Reply #13 on: March 23, 2012, 08:12:10 AM »

Seems like I missed this thread the 1st time around...

But          ! That letter sounds like something my uBPDm would have written! "Look! I have this broom and this large rug! Let's just sweep all these issues under it and everything will be OK!".  

Congrats on your no contact and your wedding!   
Logged
P.F.Change
MODERATOR
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Home Board: FM-Healing
Posts: 3782



« Reply #14 on: March 23, 2012, 08:13:56 AM »

Seems like I missed this thread the 1st time around...

But          ! That letter sounds like something my uBPDm would have written! "Look! I have this broom and this large rug! Let's just sweep all these issues under it and everything will be OK!".   

"Issues? What issues? I don't see any issues. Maybe you need to get your eyes checked."  wink
Logged

“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.”--Lao Tzu
Utkatasana
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 50


« Reply #15 on: March 23, 2012, 08:47:15 AM »

Seems like I missed this thread the 1st time around...

But          ! That letter sounds like something my uBPDm would have written! "Look! I have this broom and this large rug! Let's just sweep all these issues under it and everything will be OK!".  

"Issues? What issues? I don't see any issues. Maybe you need to get your eyes checked."  wink

EXACTLY!  

Except it was uBPDM writing to my wife that she was worried about me and that maybe I should go see a mental health professional professional about my issues and my anger! (and implying that there was nothing wrong with HER despite all the name calling, passive aggressiveness, ad hominem attacks instead of addressing our concerns, completely ignoring our requested boundaries, etc. on her part!)    
Logged
Rbrdkyst4
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Home Board: FM-Healing
Posts: 222

I have the right to live my life the way I choose


« Reply #16 on: March 24, 2012, 11:34:35 AM »

:D "How can there be any problems? WE ARE A HAPPY FAMILY!" or some sort of BS like that. Of course my perception of things is completely wrong, I don't have feelings of this sort, my wife doesn't exist, everything's groovy.

Somehow I find this all to be laughable, shake my head, and carry on with MY life. :D
Logged
kittykat63
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 375


« Reply #17 on: March 24, 2012, 12:08:59 PM »

posts like yours have me stumped- ill be honest- as my mum would never apologise- admit- or be accomodating in any form.
however- due to your reaction i guess that your foo has been pretty bad and your foo is just an intelligent- high functioning foo foo moo moo? so that has me stumped.
it looks to me that you have room here to insist on boundaries and she will keep to them- but you think not so i will go on this.

your conclusion is the same as mine has been- you cant really insist on boundaries- you are either enabling or going nc- there seems to be no in between.

Logged
2015 Community Sponsors
Keeping BPDFamily on the air
We are all appreciative of the thoughtful men and women who provide the support, education, and brotherhood that keep BPDFamily on the air and make a difference in our lives. To all, thank you for this wonderful resource.

123Phoebe
Alex86
antifragile
Aussie JJ
Aussieman
beatup
BlackandBlue
blissful_camper
bobbyvp
bpdfamfan
captain4464
catclaw
chooselove
chump
claudiaduffy
ColdEthyl
Conundrum
corraline
coworkerfriend
Cumulus
dar
Dark star
doubleAries
Emelie Emelie
enlighten me
findingmyselfagain
forget-me-not
freedom33
FreeMeGal
fromheeltoheal
Gagrl
gettin-unstuck
goldylamont
HappyChappy
Harri
HealingSpirit
Heartandsole
heartandwhole
Hope26
imataloss
Inside
Intent_to_learn
jellibeans
joolz29
jthorpejr
KarenDH
kc sunshine
kiddfei
kidsteele
Kwamina
Leelou
lever
Lmls
Loveofhislife
MammaMia
maxen
Memorial Donation
Mike76
Mommy108
Mr Hollande
Narellan
NeedHelpPls
Nope
NorthernGirl
oblivian2013
P.F.Change
pallavirajsinghani
Panda39
patientandclear
Patty
preciousme
Progress Not Perfection
qcarolr
Rapt Reader
raytamtay3
Reforming
Rifka
rj47
rollercoaster24
Ross O
sanemom
schwing
seahorse
Should I stay or…
SistersKeeper
Skip
Soulslider
Surnia
swampped
sweetheart
Theo41
thereishope
TigerEye
ToLiveAgain
toomanytears
trappedinlove
Turkish
twojaybirds
Up In the Air
Vindi
vre
waverider
Whichwayisup
whirlpoollife
winston72
zenwexler
Pay it forward Here

If you made a donation and your name does not appear on this list here , please contact us so that we may confirm that the payment was properly credited to BPDFamily.

Pages: 1 [2]  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Top Spacer
images/mb/panel_coping_1.jpg
Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.10 | SMF © 2006-2010, Simple Machines LLC Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!