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Highly Recommended Book... Understanding the Borderline Mother. Growing up in a family with a dysfunctional parent can leave children with a very confused vision of normalcy. Christine Ann Lawson writes about the disorder with easy to understand passages and describes many situations and feelings that, if you grew up with a BPD parent, you will be able to relate to.
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Author Topic: Letter from uBPDm  (Read 565 times)
P.F.Change
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« Reply #10 on: March 17, 2012, 03:52:15 PM »

@PFChange: Thanks for the link! I read it through and wonder: can she have both PD's? There are many things with NPD that fit the bill, but BPD seems to have the edge.

Yes. BPD is often comorbid with other Cluster B disorders (NPD, AsPD, HPD). There are a lot of overlapping traits and behaviors as well.

My next question is: should I reply, or not?

To me it sounds like you already answered that question. Check out what you wrote below...I put it in bold.
Of course we have restricted all wedding photos, much to their disappointment. Heck, since they didn't come, they've lost the privilege to see any of them and I've decided that no contact is best, complete and final.

If you mean that, there's no reason to reply. However, if you think you want to explicitly say, "Stop contacting me," that's all you need to say. You don't need to respond to anything in her letter. I found the info in this link helpful: How to stop circular arguments

And for your reference, here is the one on BIFF: TOOLS: Responding to hostile email

PF
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AfraidAndSad99
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« Reply #11 on: March 17, 2012, 05:20:07 PM »

No, no, a thousand times no! Like someone above said, you answered your own question. I don't know where you live but here in the USA you can have the telephone company block a single number or a whole area code. All 3 of my e-mail systems, when I put the BPD in as junk mail, didn't even appear in my junk mail box (so I wasn't tempted to read anything). One person I know had to contact her e-mail system (hotmail) and report the sender as harassing to get that done.

No matter HOW perfect your communication with a BPD is, no matter how closely you may have followed instructions - they WILL NEVER GET THE MESSAGE!  Their brains don't work that way - sort of like AC and DC electric current. And they do seem to have a totally uncanny knack for twisting your words in the way that's most hurtful to you. Silence is  golden!


Afraid And Sad 99
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Afraid and Sad
Rbrdkyst4
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« Reply #12 on: March 22, 2012, 07:30:07 PM »

Thank you everyone for your replies! It's cemented my position with regards to the future relationship with my parents, at least until my uBPDm dies. no contact all the way. Even considering cutting off contact with other members of my family due to their actions. This whole event has been empowering and talking with other members of my extended family has made the course of action clear.
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Utkatasana
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« Reply #13 on: March 23, 2012, 08:12:10 AM »

Seems like I missed this thread the 1st time around...

But          ! That letter sounds like something my uBPDm would have written! "Look! I have this broom and this large rug! Let's just sweep all these issues under it and everything will be OK!".  

Congrats on your no contact and your wedding!   
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P.F.Change
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« Reply #14 on: March 23, 2012, 08:13:56 AM »

Seems like I missed this thread the 1st time around...

But          ! That letter sounds like something my uBPDm would have written! "Look! I have this broom and this large rug! Let's just sweep all these issues under it and everything will be OK!".   

"Issues? What issues? I don't see any issues. Maybe you need to get your eyes checked."  wink
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Utkatasana
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« Reply #15 on: March 23, 2012, 08:47:15 AM »

Seems like I missed this thread the 1st time around...

But          ! That letter sounds like something my uBPDm would have written! "Look! I have this broom and this large rug! Let's just sweep all these issues under it and everything will be OK!".  

"Issues? What issues? I don't see any issues. Maybe you need to get your eyes checked."  wink

EXACTLY!  

Except it was uBPDM writing to my wife that she was worried about me and that maybe I should go see a mental health professional professional about my issues and my anger! (and implying that there was nothing wrong with HER despite all the name calling, passive aggressiveness, ad hominem attacks instead of addressing our concerns, completely ignoring our requested boundaries, etc. on her part!)    
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Rbrdkyst4
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« Reply #16 on: March 24, 2012, 11:34:35 AM »

:D "How can there be any problems? WE ARE A HAPPY FAMILY!" or some sort of BS like that. Of course my perception of things is completely wrong, I don't have feelings of this sort, my wife doesn't exist, everything's groovy.

Somehow I find this all to be laughable, shake my head, and carry on with MY life. :D
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kittykat63
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« Reply #17 on: March 24, 2012, 12:08:59 PM »

posts like yours have me stumped- ill be honest- as my mum would never apologise- admit- or be accomodating in any form.
however- due to your reaction i guess that your foo has been pretty bad and your foo is just an intelligent- high functioning foo foo moo moo? so that has me stumped.
it looks to me that you have room here to insist on boundaries and she will keep to them- but you think not so i will go on this.

your conclusion is the same as mine has been- you cant really insist on boundaries- you are either enabling or going nc- there seems to be no in between.

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