Saying sorry

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I've noticed she's been saying sorry a lot to me lately specially when she is mean to me or says something she didn't mean whether it be on the phone or via text. I'm really not use to this, so this behavior is new to me. Lately I've kind of just been straight up with her about things. How I feel, how she makes me feel sometimes. I've been using "I feel" and "It's not fair" more lately. I don't know if this is just temporary or what.

[sirhero]

I've noticed she's been saying sorry a lot to me lately specially when she is mean to me or says something she didn't mean whether it be on the phone or via text. I'm really not use to this, so this behavior is new to me. Lately I've kind of just been straight up with her about things. How I feel, how she makes me feel sometimes. I've been using "I feel" and "It's not fair" more lately. I don't know if this is just temporary or what.

[artman.1]

I've noticed she's been saying sorry a lot to me lately specially when she is mean to me or says something she didn't mean whether it be on the phone or via text. I'm really not use to this, so this behavior is new to me. Lately I've kind of just been straight up with her about things. How I feel, how she makes me feel sometimes. I've been using "I feel" and "It's not fair" more lately. I don't know if this is just temporary or what.

     sirhero,  I have read your posts since the beginning of your being on this board.  I know that you have delt with some unfaithful behaviors, just as my UBPDW had done many years ago.  This is part of their sickness, and I realize it was not done as a purposefully organized and intensional thing.  I forgave, but did not ever forget.  I have never brought this up to her.  I see since you have had this issue, I would recommend the same.  If you have had mutual communications about this, or not, She could feel very guilty.  You may have to deal with her guilt, so she can move forward in the future, and of course, you must forgive as well, and just keep this to yourself like I have.  later you can deal with the feelings yourself while working on your Codependency, like I have done.

Art

[sirhero]

I've noticed she's been saying sorry a lot to me lately specially when she is mean to me or says something she didn't mean whether it be on the phone or via text. I'm really not use to this, so this behavior is new to me. Lately I've kind of just been straight up with her about things. How I feel, how she makes me feel sometimes. I've been using "I feel" and "It's not fair" more lately. I don't know if this is just temporary or what.

     sirhero,  I have read your posts since the beginning of your being on this board.  I know that you have delt with some unfaithful behaviors, just as my UBPDW had done many years ago.  This is part of their sickness, and I realize it was not done as a purposefully organized and intensional thing.  I forgave, but did not ever forget.  I have never brought this up to her.  I see since you have had this issue, I would recommend the same.  If you have had mutual communications about this, or not, She could feel very guilty.  You may have to deal with her guilt, so she can move forward in the future, and of course, you must forgive as well, and just keep this to yourself like I have.  later you can deal with the feelings yourself while working on your Codependency, like I have done.

Art

She may feel guilty about her actions as of late and how she has been treating me, I'm not sure. Right now this whole push/pull thing is going on more than usual. I do have to remember most of this is not intentional and I will forgive her, but as you said...I'll never forget. When she does something to hurt my feelings or make me feel some type of way I do bring it up to her for the most part. And lately it seems she'll apologize a day later of course with an excuse as to why she acted the way she did.

[artman.1]

sirhero,  Sometimes I have serious personal trouble with the feelings associated with lack of intimacy.  I used to be an Electrician for the Power Utility Company, and worked a huge amount of Overtime that was forced.  There were good times, but many weekends were at least ruined on Saturdays.  My UBPDW decided to file for divorce, and we had three little Sons, 3, 4, & 5 Years old, and a new Home.  I decided she was a really good Mother, and it would be best if we stayed together.  I cought her Cheating during this time.  It was all initiated by her Sister who was getting a divorce, and labeled me as very chauvanistic.  Her Sis, got her Divorce and got only about $100 for Child support, and she found herself alone with nothing, and needed a place to stay.  My UBPDW asked for her to stay with us, and I agreed.  Within a day, they were arguing and my UBPDW wanted to reconcile.  I later moved my Family 1500 miles North.  My UBPDW stopped all intimacy less than two years later.  
     There is nothing that hurts more than infidelity with a spouse.  I have questioned myself, and worried that I may be inadequate.  I still after all these years, fight my thoughts over this.  I sometimes feel like it drove a stake through my heart.  I have never cheated on her.  If I happen to look at a nude Photograph, I can only relate the picture with my wife, as I have no other experience, I have never touched anyone else, or held, or really kissed anyone else, other than just a peck type kiss.  She is my one and only woman I have ever been with.  She was my first serious Girl friend and we were inseparable for the four years before we were married.  I do still love her, but there is no loving relationship with our marriage anymore, as it is all one sided.

Art

[sirhero]

sirhero,  Sometimes I have serious personal trouble with the feelings associated with lack of intimacy.  I used to be an Electrician for the Power Utility Company, and worked a huge amount of Overtime that was forced.  There were good times, but many weekends were at least ruined on Saturdays.  My UBPDW decided to file for divorce, and we had three little Sons, 3, 4, & 5 Years old, and a new Home.  I decided she was a really good Mother, and it would be best if we stayed together.  I cought her Cheating during this time.  It was all initiated by her Sister who was getting a divorce, and labeled me as very chauvanistic.  Her Sis, got her Divorce and got only about $100 for Child support, and she found herself alone with nothing, and needed a place to stay.  My UBPDW asked for her to stay with us, and I agreed.  Within a day, they were arguing and my UBPDW wanted to reconcile.  I later moved my Family 1500 miles North.  My UBPDW stopped all intimacy less than two years later.  
     There is nothing that hurts more than infidelity with a spouse.  I have questioned myself, and worried that I may be inadequate.  I still after all these years, fight my thoughts over this.  I sometimes feel like it drove a stake through my heart.  I have never cheated on her.  If I happen to look at a nude Photograph, I can only relate the picture with my wife, as I have no other experience, I have never touched anyone else, or held, or really kissed anyone else, other than just a peck type kiss.  She is my one and only woman I have ever been with.  She was my first serious Girl friend and we were inseparable for the four years before we were married.  I do still love her, but there is no loving relationship with our marriage anymore, as it is all one sided.

Art

I'm sorry to hear all that Art. Honestly I don't think my SO has cheated, she's pretty honest about things. I know I posted before that she may have, but now that I think about it she would have been pretty up front about it with me. Her withholding info was, because in a sense I was acting like her ex-husband questioning her like he does all the time and maybe that triggered her responses when I did question her. If I don't ask her things she's pretty good at just telling me whether it be good or bad. I think at this point she just knows I am getting fed up with the way she has been treating and now sees that I will let her go if I have to. I have threaten her with it, but I let her know if things don't gradually start to get better that we should just call it quits.

[artman.1]

Sirhero,
     I really know about the one time she cheated.  I made the mistake of following her.  She would leave as I got home from work, and leave me with the kids.  I wanted to know where she was going so if I needed her or there was an emergency, I could contact her, as sometimes I used to get called into work at night.  Money was seriously tight, due to all the legal fees and such.  I followed her to a Dancing Night-Club near our home, where she met with her GF's and her Sis.  I had the kids in the car, and we went out to Mcdonalds to eat.  later, late that night, I had someone watch the kids, who were asleep, and went back to the dance club.  Our car was parked way back in the gravel parking lot where it was very dark.  I looked more closely and saw her in the car making it with some guy.  I cannot tell you how bad that felt.  I thought I was going to die right there.  OH, that one hurt, and I can still see that scene in my mind.  It hurt, even if they actually did not have sex, but I am sure that went on.  Later, she had a party at our home while I worked out of town one week.  When I got home from working, there were booze bottles etc all over the place, and she was sleeping off a drunk.  Her GF's and Sis were sleeping as well in other rooms.  The kids were at her older Sister's house.  I immediately discovered our Sterio Equipment was stolen.  No one could explain, but I had over herd something about not being on her period for the party she was planning during a phone conversation with a GF before the party.  I was not trying to listen in, but I walked into the room behind her as she talked.  That was another give away about her intentions.  I believe she was dismissing this as not cheating because she was sueing for Divorce.  Things did change after the robery, and her Sis getting her Divorce.  I guess she realized she was messing around with some scummy guys.  I am glad she stopped that, as her younger Sis who got divorced later came down with AIDS.  She has ruined her whole life because of her promiscuity.

Art

[sirhero]

Sirhero,
     I really know about the one time she cheated.  I made the mistake of following her.  She would leave as I got home from work, and leave me with the kids.  I wanted to know where she was going so if I needed her or there was an emergency, I could contact her, as sometimes I used to get called into work at night.  Money was seriously tight, due to all the legal fees and such.  I followed her to a Dancing Night-Club near our home, where she met with her GF's and her Sis.  I had the kids in the car, and we went out to Mcdonalds to eat.  later, late that night, I had someone watch the kids, who were asleep, and went back to the dance club.  Our car was parked way back in the gravel parking lot where it was very dark.  I looked more closely and saw her in the car making it with some guy.  I cannot tell you how bad that felt.  I thought I was going to die right there.  OH, that one hurt, and I can still see that scene in my mind.  It hurt, even if they actually did not have sex, but I am sure that went on.  Later, she had a party at our home while I worked out of town one week.  When I got home from working, there were booze bottles etc all over the place, and she was sleeping off a drunk.  Her GF's and Sis were sleeping as well in other rooms.  The kids were at her older Sister's house.  I immediately discovered our Sterio Equipment was stolen.  No one could explain, but I had over herd something about not being on her period for the party she was planning during a phone conversation with a GF before the party.  I was not trying to listen in, but I walked into the room behind her as she talked.  That was another give away about her intentions.  I believe she was dismissing this as not cheating because she was sueing for Divorce.  Things did change after the robery, and her Sis getting her Divorce.  I guess she realized she was messing around with some scummy guys.  I am glad she stopped that, as her younger Sis who got divorced later came down with AIDS.  She has ruined her whole life because of her promiscuity.

Art

I would have walked away at that point, but you're married and have kids together. Deep down I think she knows what I do for her, and realizes not a lot of guys would do what I do for her. We're still working things out at the moment still not technically together yet. She's know though I'll be done with her as much as it would hurt if she did something like that. She's pretty serious about her personal space though and people invading it and she can handle herself for the most part which is also why I can trust her on that aspect. I think I just had a moment of weakness earlier and let my insecurities get the best of me. I'm sorry you had to witness/go through all of that. I know I said earlier I'd walk away, but at the same time I haven't been in that situation and hope I never am. Who knows how I would react.

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