My Week with Marilyn--Portrait of a pwBPD and those around her

[Think About It...]

Just saw My Week with Marilyn on a business trip flight.  Had to stay up to watch and will pay later for not sleeping instead, but this movie is of interest to anyone with a pwBPD in their life.

M is shown as having many BPD chracteristics:  emotional swings, sleep difficulties, abandonment fears, drug use, strong somatic complaints, paranoia, deep lack of confidence in her identity and talents, lying, and refuge-seeking in male companionship (despite her recent marriage to Arthur Miller).   At the same time, she also on occasion exudes the personal charm and magnetism she was known for and which many of us will recognize in our loved ones with BPD.

What I found really interesting is how the various other characters interact with her and lessons we can all learn about what works and doesn't in handling a pwBPD.  Laurence Olivier takes a tough love approach to try to instill in her the sense of discipline he sees as the core of successful acting and succeeds only in making her less compliant with filming rules like showing up on the set.  Paula Strasberg, her acting coach, tries to handle her by giving her over the top praise about her natural talents, which clearly threatens M's sense of self and acts to reduce, rather than increase, her confidence.  Arthur Miller is shown as a bit of a narcissist and has absolutely no skills for coping with an emotionally dysregulated person nor interest in doing so.  He flees to the US when M has a mini-breakdown after discovering unflattering notes he has written about her for a possible work.  Her business partner Milton alternates between mollifying her and breaking out in frustration over her behavior; his inconsistent treatment feeds her dysregulation.  Vivien Leigh, Olivier's wife, is a kind of anti-Marilyn--self-assured, disciplined, and a bit ruthless--when she appears one can almost feel M's intimidation and despair at the realization of how much she, in contrast, is not in command at managing the daily things of life, much less herself.

The two who come off the best in dealing with M are Judi Densch, who plays on older actress in the movie being filmed, and Colin, a 23 year old "third assistant director,"  whose main job is to look after M and communicate her current state to Olivier, who is also directing the movie.  Densch is a master of validation--she senses when M is becoming unnerved and moves right in with very emphatic words that validate her to protect her from Olivier's most overbearing martinet behavior.  Densch's interventions in several instances head off a crisis on the set.  Colin, a product of reserved upper class Britain, is naturally inclined by upbringing to Wise Mind, but he has compassion as well and stoically takes the heartbreak M causes him.

All in all a fascinating movie when watched through the lens of those who deal with BPD and a stark reminder of how certain things simply don't work--tough love, threats, exaggerated praise when things go well, inconsistency, and setting intimidating examples--and those that do--validation, Wise Mind, and compassion.

[Battle Weary]

Just saw My Week with Marilyn on a business trip flight.  Had to stay up to watch and will pay later for not sleeping instead, but this movie is of interest to anyone with a pwBPD in their life.

M is shown as having many BPD chracteristics:  emotional swings, sleep difficulties, abandonment fears, drug use, strong somatic complaints, paranoia, deep lack of confidence in her identity and talents, lying, and refuge-seeking in male companionship (despite her recent marriage to Arthur Miller).   At the same time, she also on occasion exudes the personal charm and magnetism she was known for and which many of us will recognize in our loved ones with BPD.

What I found really interesting is how the various other characters interact with her and lessons we can all learn about what works and doesn't in handling a pwBPD.  Laurence Olivier takes a tough love approach to try to instill in her the sense of discipline he sees as the core of successful acting and succeeds only in making her less compliant with filming rules like showing up on the set.  Paula Strasberg, her acting coach, tries to handle her by giving her over the top praise about her natural talents, which clearly threatens M's sense of self and acts to reduce, rather than increase, her confidence.  Arthur Miller is shown as a bit of a narcissist and has absolutely no skills for coping with an emotionally dysregulated person nor interest in doing so.  He flees to the US when M has a mini-breakdown after discovering unflattering notes he has written about her for a possible work.  Her business partner Milton alternates between mollifying her and breaking out in frustration over her behavior; his inconsistent treatment feeds her dysregulation.  Vivien Leigh, Olivier's wife, is a kind of anti-Marilyn--self-assured, disciplined, and a bit ruthless--when she appears one can almost feel M's intimidation and despair at the realization of how much she, in contrast, is not in command at managing the daily things of life, much less herself.

The two who come off the best in dealing with M are Judi Densch, who plays on older actress in the movie being filmed, and Colin, a 23 year old "third assistant director,"  whose main job is to look after M and communicate her current state to Olivier, who is also directing the movie.  Densch is a master of validation--she senses when M is becoming unnerved and moves right in with very emphatic words that validate her to protect her from Olivier's most overbearing martinet behavior.  Densch's interventions in several instances head off a crisis on the set.  Colin, a product of reserved upper class Britain, is naturally inclined by upbringing to Wise Mind, but he has compassion as well and stoically takes the heartbreak M causes him.

All in all a fascinating movie when watched through the lens of those who deal with BPD and a stark reminder of how certain things simply don't work--tough love, threats, exaggerated praise when things go well, inconsistency, and setting intimidating examples--and those that do--validation, Wise Mind, and compassion.

[griz]

Battle Weary:  Very interesting, I will have to see this.  Can you explain "Wise Mind" to me.  Sorry I don;'t know what that is.

Griz

[Battle Weary]

Griz,
qcarolr uses Wise Mind a lot.  I think of it in reference to the third principle in Gunderson's Family Guidelines, available somewhere on this site or by internet search and which I have found most helpful:

3. Keep things cool and calm. Appreciation is normal. Tone it down. Disagreement is normal. Tone it down, too.

An earlier guideline indicates that praising progress can actually set back a person with BPD because it sets up expectations for the future that they can't handle.  And toning down disagreement, frustration etc. probably needs no explanation.

What we think of as classic British reserve and understatement would be Wise Mind. Heronbird might have something to say about this!



 

[Vivgood]

Good review. I've been on the fence about seening Marilyn, but may need to watch.


vivgood

[Reality]

I loved Marilyn.  It is a thoughtful portrait of her, which has been a long tome coming.  Marilyn has been so vilified by our culture, as she has been reduced to a brainless, sexualized object without a heart or soul or mind.  She comes to life in this movie.
Reality

[Reality]

Brilliant analysis, Battle Weary.  I am going to study your thread carefully.  I disagree on the Vivien Leigh part.  She seemed tragic to me as well, knowing her husband's foibles and weaknesses and her diminishing role in his life as a marketable actress.  She was a victim of her own aging, unlike Dame Sybil? played by Densch.  I see her more as an older Marilyn, caught in her own trap somewhat and as a foil to the elder, wise crone that is Dame Sybil.
I think I am going to see the film again, as part of my self-care.
Yes, Marilyn has that quality in spades that my son has, numinous, luminous, and child-like in her enthusiasm and innocence.
Reality

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[Battle Weary]

Reality,
I think you are right about Vivien Leigh.  I was thinking of her more from Marilyn's point of view--she doesn't see Vivien's insecurity, which comes through only when she is alone with Olivier.  Marilyn sees only Vivien's public persona, which comes off as very strong willed.  Marilyn seems to positively wilt in front of her.  I do hope I am remembering the nuances rightly--I really should have been sleeping instead.  Worth another viewing, particularly if I can catch it on the return trip which  will be during the day.