BPD refusing shared parenting/visitation under unbearable terms only

[Think About It....]

My BPD has 100% custody by default under ohio's idiotic laws. I have zero parental rights until a court hearing that may take months to get scheduled. She is playing the bully and applying arbitrary rules for visitation which only she knows and they change daily, and cancelling visits when she flips out ie. "visitation is over, get the fu** out. You can see your son again when you hear from my attorney! This is killing me right now and she knows it. I have physical disabilities, and it is a 30-40 minute drive each way to her house. Our son is sick right now, and the only thing she really seems to care about is how she feels at every moment.

what the heck can I do to get this crazy to stop? Is it going to take a slap from a judge to get her to behave like an adult, or is there something I can do in the meantime? And please don't tell me to use SET, validation, puvas and all the rest of the alphabet soup. I have been trying those things and it only enrages her more. I need something that will actually work to keep me in my sons life while I am waiting for this hearing date.

The emotional torture is killing me, and it is damaging my son every day that he stuck in it.

[BentNotBroken]

My BPD has 100% custody by default under ohio's idiotic laws. I have zero parental rights until a court hearing that may take months to get scheduled. She is playing the bully and applying arbitrary rules for visitation which only she knows and they change daily, and cancelling visits when she flips out ie. "visitation is over, get the fu** out. You can see your son again when you hear from my attorney! This is killing me right now and she knows it. I have physical disabilities, and it is a 30-40 minute drive each way to her house. Our son is sick right now, and the only thing she really seems to care about is how she feels at every moment.

what the heck can I do to get this crazy to stop? Is it going to take a slap from a judge to get her to behave like an adult, or is there something I can do in the meantime? And please don't tell me to use SET, validation, puvas and all the rest of the alphabet soup. I have been trying those things and it only enrages her more. I need something that will actually work to keep me in my sons life while I am waiting for this hearing date.

The emotional torture is killing me, and it is damaging my son every day that he stuck in it.

[david]

At least prepare for court by documenting everything until then. Record every rage ,etc. Write everything down. Video things if you can.

[JustSaying]

Not being familiar with Ohio's judicial system, which laws are applicable and restricting your access. What are the rules governing this?

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? The focus of this board is about understanding the child, their needs, and supporting them in an intelligent and non self-sacrificing way. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are divorced, please go to Rebuilding our Life. If your topic is mostly about legal/custody issues, please go to Family law, Divorce, and Custody. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are still married, please go to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner. If you need help moving a thread, please contact a moderator. We are glad to help. :)

[BentNotBroken]

In Ohio, an unmarried father has 0 parental rights until established by the court, however they have an immediate, automatic, and mandatory financial support obligation. Since she has automatic 100% custody and parental rights, and there is no more of my property in her house for her to destroy or dispose of, she is taking her rage out on me by refusing visitation or cancelling it shortly after I arrive. (she obviously enjoys making me suffer at her whim). I am documenting everything, but our son is sick right now and her inability to put her emotions aside for his sake is causing him and me more suffering. She is trying to play the martyr in front of her parents so they keep paying for her expensive attorney to keep trying to intimidate me. I am not easily intimidated, but the stress is taking a toll.

I will protect my son from his BPD mother no matter how much it costs. I had a nightmare last night that was of my son cowering in a corner while his mother raged at him. I don't know if she has actually done that yet, but I must do everything in my power to make sure it only stays my nightmare, and doesn't ever become his reality. I owe this to him, and I will never forgive myself if I don't give it everything I have to prevent it.

My apologies for the harsh reference to the tools (set, validation, puvas, etc) that seem to help with some of members in their dealings with their BPD peepz. I think my BPD exgf is past the point of those tools being effective, and may even have some comorbid conditions that make them less effective. I think she may need to be hospitalized in order for her to see that her behavior is way outside the range of normal. Of course everything is my fault, according to her, and she would be fine if only I stopped treating her so poorly. ?

I am hoping for a court date sooner rather than later, because I don't want my son to have permanent scars from his emotionally unstable mother.

[Rose1]

Can you ask for an emergency hearing since you are being excluded?
Can you get her admitted to hospital somehow

[PMB1311]

I would suggest contacting both of these groups for guidance and help.  Father's and Families - They have a chapter newly formed in Ohio.  The other is Maryann Dybiec of the Children's Right's Council.  She is in Cleveland and if you search for her you can find her contact information.  She has helped me tremendously.

Best of luck.

[BentNotBroken]

Thanks for the tip. I will look those up and get in contact with them.