How to react to "mild" self harm?

[Think About It...]

 Hi! I'm still not really planning on staying, but this question can best be answered by you guys.

My uNPDh bangs his head on the wall when he's really dysregulated. Never hard enough to actually hurt himself, so I don't see how calling 911 would be appropriate, but I am wondering what I should do. For  the most part, I have simply ignored the behaviour, sometimes with an admittedly invalidating look of WTH? on my face.

[momtario]

 Hi! I'm still not really planning on staying, but this question can best be answered by you guys.

My uNPDh bangs his head on the wall when he's really dysregulated. Never hard enough to actually hurt himself, so I don't see how calling 911 would be appropriate, but I am wondering what I should do. For  the most part, I have simply ignored the behaviour, sometimes with an admittedly invalidating look of WTH? on my face.

[argyle]

My wife hairpulls - though usually out of sight.

I really have no idea.  I've basically been ignoring it.  I figure I don't want to reinforce bad behavior. OTOH, it might be reasonable to ask if something is bothering her/him.

--Argyle

[xeon]

I don't know... I'm presently ignoring and not reacting to it.  My wife's is a bit different in that she doesn't eat and will tell me:

Her: oh I only had a yogurt and cheet-o today...
Me: Nice weather we're having... 

I'm really concerned about injurious stuff, but its up to them to fix...

[isilme]

I try to ignore it when BF gets mad and smacks himself repeatedly in the head.

I used to do a bit of that as a kid, to keep from crying and to 'self punish' when I felt I deserved it.  The pain helped control the emotions somehow, and I can't remember how or why I stopped doing it.

I don't think mentioning  it to the pwBPD will help, much.  Maybe if you have  T, they can make suggestions?

[argyle]

Y'know, I have mixed feelings about this.  See, on one hand, getting caught up in trying to fix people doesn't work.  OTOH, human beings need a certain amount of feedback from the people they're around.  (Solitary confinement is an amazingly effective torture device.) (Oh, and people living alone for long periods tend to get a bit 'off'. Y'know, 400 cats, beards larger than their heads, ...)

Now, BPDs tend to be fairly sensitive to criticism. So, reduced feedback is probably a good idea.  But, not infinitely reduced.

For BPDw, I'm experimenting a bit.  Current experimental default procedure is:
(a) Mention once: serious talk - validate a lot.
(b) Wait until next incident, and calm: Mention again.
(c) Wait until next incident, and calm: Mention again.
(d) ...Ignore heartily.
(e) After 1 month, mention once.
(f) ...Ignore heartily.
(g) After 1 month, mention once.
...
After 3 repetitions at each level, increase ignore duration by 3x.
In practice, I'll tend to forget after it gets past monthly anyhow...

--Argyle

[canyoncrest]

My BPD hubby does that too. He also scratches himself really hard.. Don't know why.  Then, almost always, he shows off bruises or any scratch marks to me.  I feel this self-harming behavior  mainly comes from the anger that he can't control, but it seems that he wants to get more attention from me, too.  So, for me, ignoring is the best option.  

[momtario]

Thanks all! I suppose I will continue ignoring, so long as he doesn't do it in front of the children, and he hasn't so far.

[peacebaby]

I think leaving the room until he's ready to stop the behavior is also a good idea.

[Zaza42]

In my experience this was something that escalated to just get attention, usually an outlit for anger too.

It first started with him punching walls, all kind of walls, sheetrock and concrete. Ouch!

Next it was to get attention from me, he took a beer bottle, which were always close by as he was alcoholic... broke it over the bathroom sink, put it on his wrist and screamed, "Is this what you want?" Ugh that look in his eyes, obviously it was for attention because I threatened to leave and that's how it came down to the broken bottle scenerio. It's to get you to LOOK and to REACT. Hin-sight, I should have called 911.

If it escalates, call 911. Otherwise, ignore ignore ignore, remove yourself from the situation. It's a cry for attention on any magnitude.

[Sir5r]

My wife Scratches scabs and blemishes to bleeding.  Those are the visible places, She habitually scratches to bleeding in two hidden places.  I try to ignore it, it kind of freaks me out that she been scratching in these spots almost her whole life.
When I realized she had BPD, I looked at photos of her her over the years. Where the one spot that you can sometimes get a glimpse of is located I see a scab.

Sir5r