Was having a good day... now I feel awful.

[Think About It...]

I was having a good day. A really good day, felt happier than I had in a while. Thought that I would check my facebook and saw my ex's picture pop up. I had blocked her from FB but her sister had posted a new pic of her.I really liked her sister so I didn't want to delete her. 

There she was looking back at me, smiling looking so happy, like nothing in the world mattered. How quickly they forget. All the shock, the hurt, the anger...it just came flooding back. I hate this hold that she has over me. I  loved her so much and she treated me so badly, I keep telling myself that she was toxic and that she will destroy the new guy but then I picture her like that smiling, happy and I think that it was me and that she will find happiness with him, I'm so lost    

[Time for a change]

I was having a good day. A really good day, felt happier than I had in a while. Thought that I would check my facebook and saw my ex's picture pop up. I had blocked her from FB but her sister had posted a new pic of her.I really liked her sister so I didn't want to delete her. 

There she was looking back at me, smiling looking so happy, like nothing in the world mattered. How quickly they forget. All the shock, the hurt, the anger...it just came flooding back. I hate this hold that she has over me. I  loved her so much and she treated me so badly, I keep telling myself that she was toxic and that she will destroy the new guy but then I picture her like that smiling, happy and I think that it was me and that she will find happiness with him, I'm so lost    

[mscj]

Hang in there Time for a change!

           

There is a process to healing and it takes time.  You quite literally have hormones and chemicals in your body that are being triggered by the picture.  It takes time for these to lessen so in understanding that fact, you need to do what you can to lessen the amount of triggers that you will come across.

What lesson will you take from this?

mscj

[OTH]

It is a painful process. Sometimes it is a step forward and two steps back. Understand the place you want to get to. Making the decision to move beyond this is an important step. It gives you a destination. A goal to reach for a better future.

Best wishes,
OTH

I was having a good day. A really good day, felt happier than I had in a while. Thought that I would check my facebook and saw my ex's picture pop up. I had blocked her from FB but her sister had posted a new pic of her.I really liked her sister so I didn't want to delete her. 

There she was looking back at me, smiling looking so happy, like nothing in the world mattered. How quickly they forget. All the shock, the hurt, the anger...it just came flooding back. I hate this hold that she has over me. I  loved her so much and she treated me so badly, I keep telling myself that she was toxic and that she will destroy the new guy but then I picture her like that smiling, happy and I think that it was me and that she will find happiness with him, I'm so lost    

[Time for a change]

Thank you mscj  . My heart still feels heavy. There were times where she abused me and I was really sick with stress, my heart would race, I need to remind myself that she will always do this too me. I just want it to go away. I'm not sure what lesson I can take from this. My heads just a mess. How is it right that she can seem so happy when she causes so much pain to people. My lesson i guess is that i have a long way to go before I heal.

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[Time for a change]

Hey OTH.

This morning I thought about starting my driving lessons and maybe starting some other hobbys. Then I see her and its like being pushed under again. Like you said 'two steps back'. Theres still alot of mixed emotions all fighting within me. That smile will haunt my dreams tonight.

[ellil]

Maybe you should consider unfriending the sister and anyone else who may inadvertantly (or otherwise) post a picture or anything else of your ex. Complete NC is the most beneficial to our healing. I would be months from where I am now if I ever had to have any contact or reminders of my ex.

Any ties whatsoever to the ex are potential, no, probable setbacks to your healing.

M

[Time for a change]

I really didnt want to delete her because shes a really nice person. But i guess i might have to for my own sake. Just another thing that the ex will use against me. Its funny that I hardly ever had to delete anyone from my fb and hardly ever feel out with anyone until I start dating her. They really do project themselves on to you dont they? Even after we've broke up.

[Kminery]

That smiling picture of hers could have been replicated if she took the picture when she was starting the relation with you.

So the honeymoon phase generates happiness and excitement and smiles.

Once she gets to the hater phase, we'll discuss whether she is smiling or not.

But anyways, the goal is to forget her. I'm going through the same phase now. She and her new guy seem so excited. I was so angry in the morning but then I entertained myself and went out with friends, so all is back to normal. The fluctuations of the feelings you have now is very high. But eventually it will calm down.

Keep NC, distract yourself, get back in touch with old friends. You will be over it. I was going over some of my exBPDgf pics today, and looking at her now is totally different. I alternate between pitying her and seeing the devil in disguise. In both cases, she's not good for me.

Good luck !

[Time for a change]

Its a horrible thought that they are so happy while your left with the cr*p. But yeah its only a matter of time before her true colours show. Shes dumped him twice and he keeps going back so i guess shes found someone who she can push and pull. Thanks for your support Kminery, your right my feelings are all over the place right now. I wish you luck too.

[mscj]

Hey Time for a change.

One thing you need to know is that despite the happy picture they present, they are not internally happy for more than a moment.  They are beset by demons that they do not know how to deal with.  e.g. those emotions.

I would not suggest that you do this until much later when you are feeling more in charge of your emotions but I went over to aboard where the pwBPD post with each other.  It was quite painful to read and see how they see the world from their eyes.

It SEEMS that they are so much happier but they are as equally uncomfortable with this emotional state as any other.  They are not well and they are not able to control their emotional states without a ton of help and therapy.

Don't be hard on yourself for where you are.  It takes some work to process through to the other side but you WILL  do it.

See if this helps any.
Workshop - US: What it means to be in the “FOG”

mscj

[redberry]

Timeforachange, I'm sorry you had this setback today.

I will agree with the others that the photo is NOT an accurate long-term depiction of what is happening in their lives.  It may as well be an illusion.  Remember these people are masters at wearing masks.  Even if the photographed "happiness" is genuine, it will not last very long. The honeymoon phase is short-lived.  Underneath that smile, a killer storm is brewing.  Don't be jealous of your ex's "happiness", be glad that you are no longer subject to the wrath.

I don't know much about Facebook, but I think you can stay friends with someone but hide or unsubscribe from their posts so they don't show up in your feed.  Maybe give that a try?

[suzn]

I don't know much about Facebook, but I think you can stay friends with someone but hide or unsubscribe from their posts so they don't show up in your feed.  Maybe give that a try?

I was thinking the same thing..you can hide all posts from this person. It would be better if you block them altogther since being friends with her family may be a way for her to draw you back in in the future. Doing what's right for you is more important than her "using" this against you. That is just another reason to block all ties. Your emotional health is your priority here.

[Time for a change]

Thank you all for the support. I will have to delete her i think. I keep telling myself that she cannot be happy, deep down she never was. I think back to her relationships that she had before me and it tells me that she is mental unstable, i just didnt want to see it. I have read quite a bit on BPD in the last month but I has not come across FOG. Thank you mscj. Once again the lightbulb went off and I saw another part of our relationship.


Its still strange how there are so many stories on BPD but they all sound the same. I thank god I found out about BPD and this website. I'm not sure what would have happened if I could never make sense of this.

[mscj]

You are so welcome.  We all came here needing to understand and be understood.  You are going to get through this and with work will be better than before.
mscj

[Time for a change]

Thank you

Just thought I would give you an update. I sent her sister a message saying that I was sorry but I had to delete her from my fb. She sent me a message saying that she understood and to take care of myself. I feel so guilty which is silly I know.

I wish I could delete my ex from my memory. I feel so lonely and helpless. Want this pain to go away     

[nonbpd]

I had the exact same situation but with on of my exs friend. He was tagging his ftiends in his pics so that I can see. I sent the same message as you ang got the same answer. I was shomed for a while as I was used to jeave at least some news abt him. Be prepeared even if you don t hear anything biy ALWAYS know from two bad things not knowing anything is better. In time it will get better.
Take care

[mscj]

That guilt things is so strong.  Isn't it? 

But good for you for putting it out there anyway and I am happy to hear that you got a good response. 

What is you F. fear?
What is your O. obligation?
What is your G. guilt?

What are your real choices?

mscj

[OTH]

TFAC,
It is a great idea to get back into your hobbies. I would say it is one of the most important things you can do to begin getting over it. I usually advise making a daily activity list and forcing yourself into it. We are creatures of habit. Time to establish new or reestablish old habits. Friends, family, hobbies, exercise, meditation... Keep your day busy and disciplined.
Best regards,
OTH

Hey OTH.

This morning I thought about starting my driving lessons and maybe starting some other hobbys. Then I see her and its like being pushed under again. Like you said 'two steps back'. Theres still alot of mixed emotions all fighting within me. That smile will haunt my dreams tonight.