Did they ever embarrass you in public?

[Think About It...]

My in-laws (who I suspect of being BPD, which is part of my wife's issues) will strike up conversations with complete strangers and tell all the family dirty laundry in the first 30 minutes.  No boundaries whatsoever.  What's funny is, they're so endearing when they do it that people usually get sucked in and aren't offended.  I've seen it happen time and time and time again.  When you first meet someone, you should at least hold a LITTLE bit of information back.  Right?

The most egregious example I ever saw was right after they went NC with my wife's twin.  Admittedly, there were some good reasons for them going NC with her because she was making some pretty self-destructive choices.  But after that they would meet people and introduce my wife by saying, "This is our angel daughter.  We have a demon daughter that we don't claim, but this is our angel." 

Now that they're NC with me, too, I can't even begin to imagine how they introduce my wife.  Probably something along the lines of, "This is our angel daughter.  Her demon husband is at home because we don't want to invite him back to be a stick in the mud again." 

I'm just guessing at this, of course, but it would be completely in their character to do so.

[Aviator]

My in-laws (who I suspect of being BPD, which is part of my wife's issues) will strike up conversations with complete strangers and tell all the family dirty laundry in the first 30 minutes.  No boundaries whatsoever.  What's funny is, they're so endearing when they do it that people usually get sucked in and aren't offended.  I've seen it happen time and time and time again.  When you first meet someone, you should at least hold a LITTLE bit of information back.  Right?

The most egregious example I ever saw was right after they went NC with my wife's twin.  Admittedly, there were some good reasons for them going NC with her because she was making some pretty self-destructive choices.  But after that they would meet people and introduce my wife by saying, "This is our angel daughter.  We have a demon daughter that we don't claim, but this is our angel." 

Now that they're NC with me, too, I can't even begin to imagine how they introduce my wife.  Probably something along the lines of, "This is our angel daughter.  Her demon husband is at home because we don't want to invite him back to be a stick in the mud again." 

I'm just guessing at this, of course, but it would be completely in their character to do so.

[FriedaB]

pwBPD  threw  up   everytime  we  went  out  to  eat   somewhere  (after  gorging  herself).   She  also  tried  to  pick  fights  and  shoplift.  One  time  she   started  self  injuring   in  Walmart  and  I  just  left  her  there. 

[RKV]

He would misquote me to other people or take things I said completely out of context. I said how uncomfortable his drunk driving made me and whenever we were around friends he would joke about how I wanted him to "stop drinking" and then laugh.
I confided in him that my sister struggled with an eating disorder and the first thing he said when meeting her?
"Hey, you're not as fat as he said"

[FriedaB]

Omg,  RKV!  Are  you  serious?  How  did  you  handle   the  situation? 

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[RKV]

Well I was completely shocked at first. I mean who says something like period? Let alone with the information I gave him in confidence about my family issues. I just looked directly at my sister in a serious "I'm not joking at all" face and told her that wasn't true.
I dunno if she believed me but to be honest she reacted well on the surface and just kind of chuckled, but it's something she's very sensitive about the point of obsession.
Later on I asked my (now ex) why he even would think for a second that was funny. He just blamed it on poor timing or something stupid like that.

[FriedaB]

He just blamed it on poor timing or something stupid like that.

Did you see that as a    in retrospect?  Poor timing? Holy cow, try poor impulse control!

[sadlyn]

Anywhere we went if a guy said hello to me he would accuse me of having slept with them. We got to the point where we never went out locally as he would go in a mood and make accusations.  Even in the supermarket.

If we went to parties for example I was always on eggshells, not knowing if he would be loud and often vulgar, rude or just plain ignorant. Many a time he would just go and sit in the car outside.

He tells anyone that will listen intimate details of our relationship, sexual things, i had problems down below (sorry) and he told people intimate details of this.

After typing this I feel I should be on the leavers board and not undecided..LOL but it really isn't at all...

[RKV]

Did you see that as a    in retrospect?  Poor timing? Holy cow, try poor impulse control!

Definitely. There were alot of things like that he would do. He would constantly say "I'm sorry, I hate being mean to you". And always felt the need to say how much of a caring person he was. But his actions never matched up with his words.
It's like he loved to say embarrassing things to mutual friends especially, and watch the discomfort on my face and smile the whole time. It was really sick. The only time he would be direct and say truly insulting things to my face were during the occasional rage but almost every time he opened his mouth it was laced with this sneer. Some of the most slimy, subversive, passive aggressive crap you can imagine. It was so cowardly, he could never show displeasure in an adult manner and was too hypersensitive to even think of actual conflict.
One of his favorite hobbies was browsing and flirting with internet dating profiles of guys. Almost always long distance. when I say long distance I mean like someone on the east US coast chatting up someone in California and sending nude pics with no intention of ever meeting in person He would do this constantly. I guess the distance mitigated any real fear of being abandoned.  Anyone that was more attractive than him and was confident (not cocky, just secure) he would send an unsolicited message with just the word "narcissist" and then immediately block so they couldn't respond. That was probably the biggest  . anyone with a shred of self worth was automatically a deemed a narcissist to him. Projection much?