Would you date you?

[Think About It...]

No way- I'm commitment phobic with FAR too many red flags.  I'm amazed that ANYONE wants to date me  Hi!
I am cute, and funny though (toot-toot)!

[backontop]

No way- I'm commitment phobic with FAR too many red flags.  I'm amazed that ANYONE wants to date me  Hi!
I am cute, and funny though (toot-toot)!

[trax]

Sure, but I'd prefer to date someone better 

I need someone more patient and more relaxed than me for sure.  I am working on those things and admire them in others   I am also learning that some people are more expressive than me, and I like to be around them.  Its awesome knowing where I stand with another person!

[ricky74]

Just my opinion, but there's something not quite right if you want to date someone just like you. As someone else said, yin to my yang. Also if you use anything like yourself as a criteria you are likely going to put unrealistic expectations on the other person.

I think I am a decent person and of course I want to have common interests with my partner, but no, I love the differences in my current partner. In fact, my ex could not handle me ever having different opinions than her. Everything was black and white including opinions. Hers were right and she couldn't tolerate any dissent.

I absolutely love that my current partner and I can have very different opinions at times and we discuss them without any pressure to change our viewpoints. We may debate our position, but I am perfectly happy to finish our conversation without any change in our opinion. She completely respects my right to have a different opinion than her and I do the same for her. It is incredibly refreshing.

[ViciousCycle]

After my relationship with my uBPDx, who mirrored my qualities and interests greatly, I can honestly say that I would not want too. I want someone who is their own person, someone who will love me for who I am and someone who I can love for who they are. Of course I'd love a girl who shares some qualities and interests with me, but I also want a girl who will have values and interests of her own. When my uBPDx mirrored me, she was literally just being what she thought I wanted her to be. I realize now that I didn't really respect that, even though I did love her, I always wished she was more of her own person and not constantly relying on others for finding herself.

[Finished]

The person I was prior to this relationship? YES, I would date that person ..

The person I am after this relationship? No, I wouldn't date that person ...

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT The objective of this board is to learn and apply healthy emotional practices to the rebuilding of our love life. This board is about the discipline and strength of making those hard choices in life for good sustained emotional health. It is about not repeating the problems of the past; it is about understanding the wounds and baggage we carry forward, it is about healthy and practical ways to build new relationships. Click on "more information" for access to the lessons.

[livednlearned]

I'm almost 2 years out of a 10 year marriage to my alcoholic, bipolar, N/BPDx. We co-parent S11, so that keeps a certain amount of perma-conflict going. I find myself not wanting a new r/s right now because anyone who dates me has to deal with N/BPDx.

I know that a new r/s would trigger N/BPDx's stuff, which affects S11 and me, and I'm so weary right now I just don't want the additional drama.

But if N/BPDx were not an issue, then yes -- I would date me. I went on something date-like with another divorcee about a year ago. It was awkward and I was nowhere near ready for it. I hadn't really put two and two together about intimacy, boundaries, assertiveness, and all that fun stuff. So during the not-a-date date, I was a big mess of worry, not sure how my messy self was going to be able to say no to anything. Talk about overthinking!

Now, though, I've had some practice setting boundaries and don't care if I'm awkward when I assert myself. It's easier to imagine being in a r/s because I feel solid. I would probably venture out if I didn't have so much competing for my time, and right now S11 doesn't spend any overnights with his dad, so that makes dating hard.

Still! It's progress to be thinking more openly about the possibility of a r/s. And to be able to say that I would date me is huge!

[Loveisfree]

Yes, I would date someone like me but I would want someone a little warmer and affectionate.  Two me's would not work together.  I also would prefer someone who is okay with taking a bit of a lead in the dating process as I can be a little shy and passive.  I like someone who is good at planning and who accepts me for who I am.  I guess I am seeking someone to complement me.  Not sure if that is a good idea or not.  I do not want someone exactly like me but someone who has similar morals and values.

I do like myself however  

[OTH]

I have always been attracted to the opposite of me. That whole "completes me" feeling. It has tended to be passionate but volatile. I can relate to findingmyself's trying to get back to my childhood statement. I have generally dated woman not as intelligent or hard working as I am. I generally have always taken the "adult" role in the relationship. It puts me in a one up position that I feel in charge of.

On the two occasions I didn't the first was a very good relationship when I was getting out of the military. She was just starting a career as a pharmacist. I wanted to go back to school for my engineering degree and didn't want to owe a debt to her (being the money maker and putting life on hold so I could go to school) so I broke up with her. This was a horrible mistake on my part and very immature. I was young at the time. I didn't even realize I was in love with her until after we broke up because it lacked that instant passion. I actually went back the next summer and tried to tell her how I felt. She was seeing an older guy that she would move on to marry. She agreed to meet in Seattle and I called to arrange a date and place. Her boyfriend answered the phone and me being... well me... went ahead and asked for her.  I guess I caused quite a stir and she decided she couldn't meet me and I never got to tell her how I felt. It was a fluke though. We started dating because she was nice and we got along even though I didn't think she was my type... it snuck up on me.

The second time was my gf before my exBPD. She was a research scientist. We had amazing dates (including one with chainsaws) and were actually extremely passionate. Holy hell did we get in heated arguments though. I think we both had similar emotional issues and didn't like to be challenged. We constantly challenged each other. We broke up for the stupidest reason. I'm thinking I would do much better with her a second time around. I don't think I need to be in charge all the time anymore and feel I could communicate with her in a less confrontational way.

The thing about dating someone like me is I know it will take real work and I seem to have chosen what seemed to be an easier path before. I think I dated people who naturally just seemed to want to please me and for me to provide an easier life for them. That never took much work on my part and let me stay in my emotional comfort zone. I think I am ready for bigger challenge. 

[dancinginthedark]

not until ive lost all my weight 

[Forestaken]

not until ive lost all my weight 

I would date a member of the opposite sex like me
but would like them to be
More adventurous, better looking, and have way better fashion sense.

Hmmm, someone nearly like me...

[nobody]

I woulde date my former self but not the person I have become since I met my BPDw... though I still like myself a lot. I will become that person again( I hope). I am bright, funny,  smart, articulate, and look good for my age...

Any taker out there?

[marlo6277]

This thread struck a chord with me as I am recently back into the dating world again...This is the first time i've dated in my 30s (was with my xh for 7 yrs).  I like me.  I like my company.  I think I'm a strong person with good intentions and I'm funny, empathetic and adventurous. 

I would definitely like someone with all those qualities. 

But I wouldn't want to date someone like me (the way I am now)...as I said, it's been years since I dated.  And I'm quickly finding out that I'm really not very good at this whole dating thing right now. I find it awkward, I have some insecurities about what's expected, etc...

I'm a pretty open, up front person who will tell it like it is and I also understand that I have a very strong personality - in the sense that I am very energetic, can be loud, very animated and I realize I can be intense at times.  I get it all...

It's not that I know what I want, it's that I know what I don't want! I'm pretty good at laying out my own expectations for a potential relationship and am quickly finding that I might be a little too up front about it.  ?

I personally would love it if a potential date was willing to be right up front and honest with me as well.  But it could be that they might be unsure of what they are looking for, etc...

I dunno - I would date someone like me (they have to like dishes, cuz I hate them!  ;p  )