Don't mention his name.

[Think About It...]

I can't look him in the eye.

I still love him. I tried to be friends.. I couldn't and I can't.. I have to much hurt from not being loved back.. I thought that I could resolve the pain so we could still be friends as I had hoped, I can't.

I feel that it is best that we are no longer friends - because I don't want to remain with this large amount of anger inside of me and he triggers me when ever he is around.

I didn't end up moving out - it's not what is best for me.

He still lives here.

I had to take a 2 week break from the house.. and for 2 weeks it felt like I was brought back from the dead... well, not really.. I have started a new casual job in aged care.. and a lot of times I underestimate how well I am doing.

Trying to work out a way for him to move out -it's complicated.

I have set some boundaries with friends and it's worked well..
the boundaries are -
1) I need you to acknowledge that I love him.. regardless of your feelings for him (my best friend hates him cause he destroyed me a bit.. fair enough from her stance).
2) That the problem was not in me loving him..that i should not regret loving him & that it is/was a good character for me to be able to love... it was that he didn't love me back and was more concerned on giving/getting then sharing who we are..
3) To move on.. can we not talk about josh.. do not ask about josh.. if i bring it up.. quickly validate the feeling and change the subject because sometimes i find it hard to.
4) I am strugglig to keep depression out.. please keep conversations positive.
5) I need you to encourage my healthy eating habits / non drinking because I do not want to invite depression over.

I find this site helpful but is there a way I can use it and not talk about him and just focus on my self? Can I have similar boundaries on the forum? Will this time pass?

[puglover]

I can't look him in the eye.

I still love him. I tried to be friends.. I couldn't and I can't.. I have to much hurt from not being loved back.. I thought that I could resolve the pain so we could still be friends as I had hoped, I can't.

I feel that it is best that we are no longer friends - because I don't want to remain with this large amount of anger inside of me and he triggers me when ever he is around.

I didn't end up moving out - it's not what is best for me.

He still lives here.

I had to take a 2 week break from the house.. and for 2 weeks it felt like I was brought back from the dead... well, not really.. I have started a new casual job in aged care.. and a lot of times I underestimate how well I am doing.

Trying to work out a way for him to move out -it's complicated.

I have set some boundaries with friends and it's worked well..
the boundaries are -
1) I need you to acknowledge that I love him.. regardless of your feelings for him (my best friend hates him cause he destroyed me a bit.. fair enough from her stance).
2) That the problem was not in me loving him..that i should not regret loving him & that it is/was a good character for me to be able to love... it was that he didn't love me back and was more concerned on giving/getting then sharing who we are..
3) To move on.. can we not talk about josh.. do not ask about josh.. if i bring it up.. quickly validate the feeling and change the subject because sometimes i find it hard to.
4) I am strugglig to keep depression out.. please keep conversations positive.
5) I need you to encourage my healthy eating habits / non drinking because I do not want to invite depression over.

I find this site helpful but is there a way I can use it and not talk about him and just focus on my self? Can I have similar boundaries on the forum? Will this time pass?

[marbleloser]

"I find this site helpful but is there a way I can use it and not talk about him and just focus on my self. Will this time pass?"

 You can use it without talking about him,but the more you supress your feelings,the more chances of being depressed or having those emotions hit you all at once.The good thing about this site is,we can post anonomously,get validation here instead of with friends who are usually tired of hearing our crap ,and get insight into BPD and other PD's.
 Yes,this time will pass.Posting in the "Taking Inventory" section is a great place to focus on yourself.I've found that reading about BPD,my co-dependant habits,and other books have helped as well.There are stages we go through when grieving a loss.Try to just let them happen and go through them.It helps.I promise. 

[puglover]

I'm confused.
Isn't there going to come a time when I'm going to need to stop talking about him, thinking about him and move on?
How do I MOVE ON as they say?
I like this notion of moving on.. I want it.. tell me how?

[redfeather]

I think one tool that you are already employing is not talking about him with others. I have a rule with people that know us both is I refuse to listen to anything about her. Women can be catty and one told me about her newest conquest a few weeks ago.
That hurt so I told everyone dont even mention her name. Dont care about her progress in her degree program, her new apt, puppy etc..
I thing the healing you seek will come but you arent going to be able to skip any steps so to speak. So its normal to be obsessed with certain thoughts at first and then one day move into anger etc... Just be gentle with yourself. Noone would ask you to carry a fridge up the steps if your leg was broke! Hi!

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[puglover]

I think one tool that you are already employing is not talking about him with others. I have a rule with people that know us both is I refuse to listen to anything about her. Women can be catty and one told me about her newest conquest a few weeks ago.
That hurt so I told everyone dont even mention her name. Dont care about her progress in her degree program, her new apt, puppy etc..
I thing the healing you seek will come but you arent going to be able to skip any steps so to speak. So its normal to be obsessed with certain thoughts at first and then one day move into anger etc... Just be gentle with yourself. Noone would ask you to carry a fridge up the steps if your leg was broke! Hi!

Yes I think the strategy is a good one.
However my best friend decided it was smart to ask questions about josh in the car of a male friend.. smart - not.
She also constantly goes on about how she doesn't like him etc I don't think she relizes how painful it is and how it feels to obsessivly think about it him to the detriment of my health.