Disconnecting

[Think About It...]

qcr,

Thank you, thank you , thank you for putting that way, about our kids being able to see the anger or any emotions we may stuff.  I sometimes forget that I had told all of my dd's teachers that she could "smell" sincerty a mile away.  And  if they were not real with her, she would tune them out.  Makes me aware that I too have to be mindful in my approach with her, validate her feelings rather than just reject them at oneset.  Be aware of my intent when I approach her and clear about my motives before I even speak. Thank you for bringing me back around to something I tend to forget.  Now time to go on Amazon or stop at Barnes and Noble in my quest for Valerie's book, and Buddah & the Borderline on Tape!  Peace to you on this Sunday.  The tulips are in bloom here, and dd18 loves to look at them.  Think I will take some coffee and sit outside with her and look at them as well.

mikmik

[mikmik]

qcr,

Thank you, thank you , thank you for putting that way, about our kids being able to see the anger or any emotions we may stuff.  I sometimes forget that I had told all of my dd's teachers that she could "smell" sincerty a mile away.  And  if they were not real with her, she would tune them out.  Makes me aware that I too have to be mindful in my approach with her, validate her feelings rather than just reject them at oneset.  Be aware of my intent when I approach her and clear about my motives before I even speak. Thank you for bringing me back around to something I tend to forget.  Now time to go on Amazon or stop at Barnes and Noble in my quest for Valerie's book, and Buddah & the Borderline on Tape!  Peace to you on this Sunday.  The tulips are in bloom here, and dd18 loves to look at them.  Think I will take some coffee and sit outside with her and look at them as well.

mikmik

[griz]

D is leaving today to go back to Massachusetts.  I woke up and couldn't even find the energy to go to my spin class so I decided to treat myself and go back to sleep. Actually it really wasn't a treat I just didn't want to face today.  I hate when she leaves but I know that is selfish.  Her BF drove in yesterday morning and they will be driving back together.  This morning is also hard for me because two years ago today my husband went on his yearly convention.  I remember when he left because this was the first time DD had started to show signs of emotional distress.  She hadn't been eating at all for about 2 weeks and was losing a tremendous amount of weight.  The week he was gone was hard because I spent the whole time running back and forth to the doctors with DD and not knowing what was wrong.  H hardly called the whole time he was away and was no support.  About a month after he came home I had stumbled across a message on his facebook and I realized that he had been with someone else while he was at the convention.  He called it an "emotional affair"  "nothing really happened".  I call that extreme bullsht. My heart was shattered into a million pieces but I made the decision to get through this for the sake of my children.  I was in therapy trying to deal with this when all went downhill with DD.  I never really got a chance to deal with or come to grips with what happened to me I went directly into dealing with DD.  My therapist calls it the "Perfect Storm".  Today is the first day of the convention and my husband decided he would go for the day, it is not that far about 1 1/2 away.  He feels "he has to go, his friend is being installed as President of the organization and they are having a party for him".  He won;t be home until 1 or 2 am.  I have been crying all morning because it brings back the hurt so badly again.  He knew how horrible this is for me.  At first he said,(mind you after he was showered dressed and ready to walk out the door) "Do you need me to stay home" .  I am sad that he even had to ask me that.  I just shook my head no.  So he left, when he was leaving he said "sorry".  No I don't think you are.

I am going to try to do today as best as I can.  One minute at a time.  Maybe DD and I can do something together, just us.
Hope she doesn't shut me out today. 

Sorry for dumping this.

Griz

[heronbird]

I just felt similar today, I was there but felt like I was not, because most of the time I cope, but yesterday at a wedding I just didnt feel like talking or being happy, I felt really worried about dd and what she is up to, doing stuff she does not really want to be doing so then she feels bad. It was there all day in the back of my mind
So I had to put my happy face on all day and get on with life, I mean, I should be living too.
But I think its hit me today and I just been feeling like Im not there, and so sad. Its my Birthday today and I should be happy really.
Ill be ok, got no choice.
But I know you can all relate, that always surprises me.
 I go to a local group, its for all carers of pw any mental health, no one has heard of BPD, they just say oh shell be ok when shes older, oh its ok its only called borderline. Just be glad she hasnt got schizopherenia or something like that.

I know its a different subject but why do they stay out all night so much or go out so long, and I stay home at night thinking the worse

[Reality]

To heronbird, griz, qcaroir and all the others on this thread,
Happy Birthday, heronbird.  I know what you mean about putting on your happy face.  I just did my 3 miler-up-hill-and-down-dale, smiling at the day and all of the beautiful little children.  I drank my Booster Juice for my vitamins, went to an Apple lesson on my iPad and listened to my voice, as I talked to my son.  Thank you, qcaroir for that insight.  Very helpful. I would like to be with friends, but my life is so focused on my son, that there isn't much to say.  Bottom line is that I am depleted, too.  Cried my eyes out to hubby in Liverpool this morning on FaceTime.  I wonder why we are all feeling like this, at this point.  Maybe because spring is so full of promise and well...Honestly, griz, I have felt disconnected for years, without feeling, I just keep going.  It amazes me that my body is still functioning.
Reality

[griz]

Heronbird happy happy birthday.  I wish all of us on here could be together to celebrate your birthday together but know that my thoughts are with you.  Wouldn't it be nice if we at least had happiness on our birthdays but you are right, we will survive, we have no choice.

Griz

[Battle Weary]

Griz,

I've been meaning to say something here for a while, but life interfered.  I hope what I say does not offend anyone.

Those of us brought in a certain type of old fashioned Catholicism perhaps have an edge in handling the vicissitudes life has handed us.  The icon of motherhood is Mary in the Pieta.  Here is the part of a prayer to Mary:  "To thee we do send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this vale of tears."  Life is a vale of tears; motherhood is not a June Cleaver, white picket fence fantasy. In face of this one prays and--this is key to this tradition--is as cheerful as possible. 

One day I found myself in front of the Pieta while in Rome on a business trip.  When I left, things had gotten quite unbearable with my dx and his bizarre heurological disorder. As I gazed on this statue and the image of Mary, so inconsable--surely one of the saddst words in English--it struck me suddenly that God favors the afflicted, and it's an absolute preference.  This is now an unshakable article of faith for me.

These leads one to some opposite think (not sure I am using this in the DBT sense).  It is not we nor our children who should ask "Why me"?  They are the favored ones--we get some secondary favored status.  It is those who are not afflicted who should be asking "Why me?" because they are not favored. 

So you Griz are favored, and your dd is specially favored.

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[griz]

Offensive?  Never! Thank you for sharing that.  Over the past few years I have surely lost my faith in God, although I keep trying to find it.  I try so hard and yet I often feel he has forgotten me and my daughter. 

I am going to think on your words and wisdom a little while. 

Griz