Here we go... again

[Think About It...]

gfwBPD flipped out last night over a receipt I forgot to get when asked me to get us some food. She gave me her food stamp card to use and some cash and apparently I forgot a receipt and she was missing 4 bucks. I told her I would give her the 4 bucks and that I would go back and the receipt if she needed it. She told me not to and just went making me feel bad. I told her she could just go herself next time, since I made a mistake and apologized for it.

She kept going of course and eventually told me I should leave...I obliged. She later texted me saying I am ridiculous with a sad face and that I really destroyed her. Then she called me saying that we are done, and that this will be the last time I hear her voice. She said that I didn't have to go (I didn't hear her say that) and that I never let her talk. She called back again basically saying the same thing and then called a last time where I told her to let me talk or I was hanging up. I told her that I already apologized for a mistake I made and that she made me feel like crap anyways afterwards. She hung up and texted me saying she's gotta go to the hospital now. I texted her back saying for what...then called her and she texted me saying to leave her alone.

All this...over a receipt

[sirhero]

gfwBPD flipped out last night over a receipt I forgot to get when asked me to get us some food. She gave me her food stamp card to use and some cash and apparently I forgot a receipt and she was missing 4 bucks. I told her I would give her the 4 bucks and that I would go back and the receipt if she needed it. She told me not to and just went making me feel bad. I told her she could just go herself next time, since I made a mistake and apologized for it.

She kept going of course and eventually told me I should leave...I obliged. She later texted me saying I am ridiculous with a sad face and that I really destroyed her. Then she called me saying that we are done, and that this will be the last time I hear her voice. She said that I didn't have to go (I didn't hear her say that) and that I never let her talk. She called back again basically saying the same thing and then called a last time where I told her to let me talk or I was hanging up. I told her that I already apologized for a mistake I made and that she made me feel like crap anyways afterwards. She hung up and texted me saying she's gotta go to the hospital now. I texted her back saying for what...then called her and she texted me saying to leave her alone.

All this...over a receipt

[Steph]

 Likely, it was a process of a trigger, then JADE, then more from her and neither listening to the other.

Its really ok you left, if you wanted to.

  What is next? what do YOU want?

Steph

[CodependentHusband]

Sounds like things went from bad to worse. Do you know of anything you could have done differently that might have changed the outcome? More importantly, how are you feeling now?

[sirhero]

Sounds like things went from bad to worse. Do you know of anything you could have done differently that might have changed the outcome? More importantly, how are you feeling now?

I think I could have been less engaging and just listened to her even if I didn't agree at the time. I'm glad it lead to me leaving though, I think that was a good part on both sides. I was upset that she was making a big deal over something so small and how she was making feel at the time, but now I am fine. We spoke earlier today and she even called me. I need to stop trying to defend myself when this happens.

[CodependentHusband]

Yeah... I catch myself most of the time now. It's human nature to want to JADE. It's amazing how quickly it can die down if you tell her you can see how it frustrates her, you're sorry, and then pretty much refuse to discuss it any further.

[sirhero]

Yeah... I catch myself most of the time now. It's human nature to want to JADE. It's amazing how quickly it can die down if you tell her you can see how it frustrates her, you're sorry, and then pretty much refuse to discuss it any further.

Yeah, I'll have to do that next time. I got a new job today she seemed real excited about it. Then we talked about her job for awhile. It's hard for me to take her threats seriously nowadays, specially when she says she wants nothing to do with me. I'm starting to understand most of the mean things she says she doesn't mean and I am finding myself taking it less personal over time.

[sirhero]

Likely, it was a process of a trigger, then JADE, then more from her and neither listening to the other.

Its really ok you left, if you wanted to.

  What is next? what do YOU want?

Steph

Hey Steph,

I agree with what you wrote. The next step is to practice the tools more so I can handle these situations better. I want to be with her, but I also want to be able to, like I said, handle these situations better. I find myself seeing when this will happen and sometimes I can stop it. I know I won't always be able to, but the less arguments the better.

[CodependentHusband]

I agree with what you wrote. The next step is to practice the tools more so I can handle these situations better. I want to be with her, but I also want to be able to, like I said, handle these situations better. I find myself seeing when this will happen and sometimes I can stop it. I know I won't always be able to, but the less arguments the better.

   YES! That's IT! Tell me, how amazing does it feel when you can see the tools working in real time? I am still in awe when I see my dBPDw's mood change, or that her anger has suddenly been defused. It's so much better for both of us when that happens.

[sirhero]

I agree with what you wrote. The next step is to practice the tools more so I can handle these situations better. I want to be with her, but I also want to be able to, like I said, handle these situations better. I find myself seeing when this will happen and sometimes I can stop it. I know I won't always be able to, but the less arguments the better.

   YES! That's IT! Tell me, how amazing does it feel when you can see the tools working in real time? I am still in awe when I see my dBPDw's mood change, or that her anger has suddenly been defused. It's so much better for both of us when that happens.

It's an awesome feeling I'll tell ya that! I notice when I do stop it, she is a lot more affectionate too, which is a plus!