ExBPD says we would still be together if...

[Think About It...]

Brilliant, absolutely brilliant Seeking Balance. I am a stable, grounded person whose world was rocked. I have always had boundaries (good parents). Did I forget to mention that she also accused me of being a boundary buster. So, if she as no boundaries, how can I be controlling unless my healthy boundaries were considered to be controlling? Make sense?

[Powerug]

Brilliant, absolutely brilliant Seeking Balance. I am a stable, grounded person whose world was rocked. I have always had boundaries (good parents). Did I forget to mention that she also accused me of being a boundary buster. So, if she as no boundaries, how can I be controlling unless my healthy boundaries were considered to be controlling? Make sense?

[diotima]

Sabine,
I was agreeing with you and I see now that what I said could be taken in a way I did not intend. I was agreeing with you that staying NC was good and that to do otherwise was not healthy--which you know. You are doing great. Hope I stated that more clearly.
Diotima

[MirrorProof]

My exBPD wife accused me of being very controlling. Actually said we would be together if it wasn't my way or the highway. My T and I have discussed this thoroughly and she has shared with me that I am anything but controlling. Just curious if anyone else has been accused of this? Is it that BPD's have to be in complete control in order to suppress their fears? Love to hear some feedback. Thanks and Happy Easter!

the " we would been " crap will never end, they have deep memory banks so any issue you bring up from the past that has been resolved they will just flip another rock or quote something youve said and your back to square 1

ive been through that roller coaster ride and finally im screaming I WANT OFF THIS RIDE !

[Sabine]

Sabine,
I was agreeing with you and I see now that what I said could be taken in a way I did not intend. I was agreeing with you that staying NC was good and that to do otherwise was not healthy--which you know. You are doing great. Hope I stated that more clearly.
Diotima

Diotima..., OH! okay...I reread what you wrote and I see what you were saying, . No worries...BTW I survived the weekend unscathed! No 'run ins' and only minor rearranging my routine! whew! I stay under the radar and NC for now!  

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[diotima]

Sabine--good to hear there were no "encounters"!
Diotima

[seeking balance]

Did I forget to mention that she also accused me of being a boundary buster.

projection - I was told that I played by a different set of rules.  The thing is, there is some truth to what they say or we wouldn't question it.  None of us are perfect all of the time.

So, if she as no boundaries, how can I be controlling unless my healthy boundaries were considered to be controlling? Make sense?

Your reality and her reality are different - both are true.  Make sense?