Given that Staying is only possible when you can making changes in yourself, perhaps we should all keep presenting the changes we are making in thought, word, and deed that are making things better.
I, for one, find a lot of hope on the Staying board. The people here keep on trying, but they don't deny reality and that gives me a sense of connectedness. When I feel alone because of the challenges in my r/s, I can feel connected here and return to my SO feeling stronger and better able to manage what is difficult. If the people here didn't write about the tough stuff, I would feel quite hopeless, I think.
So I guess I can say I come to Staying for hope, then...
And as in the quote above, when people present the changes they are making, that is always helpful role modeling.
I have only been on FTF a short while (5mo). Already I have noticed swings in my own needs (patterns maybe, but given I dont know what triggers them I dont know if they are a pattern yet or not).
During times when I am doing well and feeling good myself, I dont spend as much time here. Its when I swing towards the negative that my time on this board picks up. So I am definitely using it for support when needed. By definition this means you get a higher dose of the negative aspects of me.
But this is common for T isnt it? (the goal of T is to never need the T again...?). Another aspect is that when I come here I dont even know what I want. As was when I first found the site, there are times when I continue to feel lost and completely depleted of ideas on how to make things better. So come here seeking wisdom/answers. (imagine if FtF was a vault of ancient scrolls on top of a mountain somewhere... I would make the trek seeking knowledge)
I use this board for third party validation/reality check of a certain dynamic or thought process in my relationship. I use it to learn tools/methods of interacting in a healthy manner. I use it to change my attention - by changing myself and what I focus on and how I process my life. I use it to listen to others experience, how it affected them, what they did to cope/deal/make it better for themselves.
Ultimately, I am looking for hope that a satisfying life is possible, and ultimately that I can make adjustments that allow me to feel happy and increase the enjoyment in my life - while remaining in my marriage.
AND - the most important part - is that I have gotten all these things in one way or another, from this site.
