Sopporting her after the abortion

[Think About It...]

So...
Long story short my girlfriend and I went through the horrifying process of finding out she was pregnant and then fighting and then getting an abortion.

It's been three months since the abortion (the embyo was 4 weeks when the deed was done).
And now my girlfriend is having anxiety attacks, saying she regrets it and is constantly blaming herself.
In the long run it was for the best (I'm 21, she's 20) and several problems on her and my behalf made it clear for me (and for a moment for her) that we were not up to the task of parenthood.
Not yet.

It is with a heavy heart that I type this, I'm prochoice but this was an incredibly difficult choice and, for a moment, it wrecked the relationship.
There is still resentment (she accused me of being a coward and then broke up with me shortly after that).
Nonetheless I've been with her and still am with her and want to keep supporting her.

Any advice, stories, questions are more than welcome.

[meinname]

So...
Long story short my girlfriend and I went through the horrifying process of finding out she was pregnant and then fighting and then getting an abortion.

It's been three months since the abortion (the embyo was 4 weeks when the deed was done).
And now my girlfriend is having anxiety attacks, saying she regrets it and is constantly blaming herself.
In the long run it was for the best (I'm 21, she's 20) and several problems on her and my behalf made it clear for me (and for a moment for her) that we were not up to the task of parenthood.
Not yet.

It is with a heavy heart that I type this, I'm prochoice but this was an incredibly difficult choice and, for a moment, it wrecked the relationship.
There is still resentment (she accused me of being a coward and then broke up with me shortly after that).
Nonetheless I've been with her and still am with her and want to keep supporting her.

Any advice, stories, questions are more than welcome.

[Steph]

So...
Long story short my girlfriend and I went through the horrifying process of finding out she was pregnant and then fighting and then getting an abortion.

It's been three months since the abortion (the embyo was 4 weeks when the deed was done).
And now my girlfriend is having anxiety attacks, saying she regrets it and is constantly blaming herself.
In the long run it was for the best (I'm 21, she's 20) and several problems on her and my behalf made it clear for me (and for a moment for her) that we were not up to the task of parenthood.
Not yet.

It is with a heavy heart that I type this, I'm prochoice but this was an incredibly difficult choice and, for a moment, it wrecked the relationship.
There is still resentment (she accused me of being a coward and then broke up with me shortly after that).
Nonetheless I've been with her and still am with her and want to keep supporting her.

Any advice, stories, questions are more than welcome.

 

No matter your views, abortion can be really, really hard..physically and mentally and emotionally.

There are support groups for her, if she is interested and can try calling the facility she had the abortion at. Her hormones are also a litle crazy right noe.

Take care of yourself thru this, too. Take space as you need it and dont allow her to be emotionally or verbally abusive to you. Do something fun and nice for yourself and both take the space you need to grieve and heal.

[megocean]

So...
Long story short my girlfriend and I went through the horrifying process of finding out she was pregnant and then fighting and then getting an abortion.

It's been three months since the abortion (the embyo was 4 weeks when the deed was done).
And now my girlfriend is having anxiety attacks, saying she regrets it and is constantly blaming herself.
In the long run it was for the best (I'm 21, she's 20) and several problems on her and my behalf made it clear for me (and for a moment for her) that we were not up to the task of parenthood.
Not yet.

It is with a heavy heart that I type this, I'm prochoice but this was an incredibly difficult choice and, for a moment, it wrecked the relationship.
There is still resentment (she accused me of being a coward and then broke up with me shortly after that).
Nonetheless I've been with her and still am with her and want to keep supporting her.

Any advice, stories, questions are more than welcome.

I am sorry you both had to go through this. Having worked in the women's health field for many years, I have talked with many, many women who have ended unplanned pregnancies. I can also relate through personal experience. Even when having an abortion is the best plan, it is certainly never a happy event. I'm sure your gf made the best decision she was able to at the time.

I would just validate her feeling regretful ("I understand how you might feel the way you do.") FYI, feeling sad, and even regret, doesn't necessarily mean the wrong choice was made.

I wouldn't try and talk her out of her regret or reason with her though, just let her go through her grief. A counselor or therapist could also be helpful. It is great that you are there to be supportive.

Having an abortion that one is regretful about can put someone at risk for another unplanned pregnancy, so stay on top of reliable contraception until the time comes that you want to and are ready to be parents.


As you are experiencing, an abortion can be tough on a couple---so take care, take it easy, don't be hard on yourself.

[united for now]

That is a difficult decision to make.
Is she willing to see anyone?

Most major cities offer support services.

For now, you can listen to her and offer her understanding, and try to steer away from placing any hint of judgement or criticism on her.

[isilme]

Does the place where she had the procedure done offer any counseling?  Women I've known who have been pregnant and not kept the child however the choice was made, or lost it through accident, have all hit a time where it's hard for them to cope.  I'd expect the center where she had the procedure to understand this and be able to direct her to the counseling she really needs. 

[meinname]

I'm sorry for the typos, I was crying a little when I made this post.

I thank everyone who has commented.

The problem with my girlfriend is that she does not want to seek therapy.
I told her it would not be a bad idea but she says she wants to go right away to the psychiatrist even though she'll regret it later (her words).
She downright refuses to see anyone else and she'll just take pills for a while and stop again later on.
Things are far too tense, it's a tough time I know but the fights are starting to spring up again and I know she insults me behind my back (she doesn't know I know).

It's getting very tricky, I don't know what to do, I don't take this from anyone but her and in other circumstances I might start considering breaking up but I don't feel like I can do that to her right now.

[united for now]

So fighting is increasing?

How do you typically respond when she attacks ?

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