Need Help to Understand This

[Think About It...]

I understand the rationale for maintaining NC when our R/S with our BPD ends. What I can't understand is why they go N/C all of a sudden while the R/S continues.

My BPDSOgf has been communicating and interacting with me frequently all this past week. Most of the communications were initiated by her. We are moving to California next month, have been separated the past 6 months, but have reconciled. This is not something repetitive. We have been together almost 25 years and this is the first time we ever separated. She is moving back home a few weeks before we leave.

Suddenly, this past Friday evening she went N/C. She has turned off her phone and disabled her text messaging. She does not respond to emails. Today is Sunday and not a peep. This has happened before and it really drives me crazy. I have given up asking about the behavior because I never get an honest answer.

I'm guessing it has something to do with control and (her) fears. Any ideas about this?

[colt81522]

I understand the rationale for maintaining NC when our R/S with our BPD ends. What I can't understand is why they go N/C all of a sudden while the R/S continues.

My BPDSOgf has been communicating and interacting with me frequently all this past week. Most of the communications were initiated by her. We are moving to California next month, have been separated the past 6 months, but have reconciled. This is not something repetitive. We have been together almost 25 years and this is the first time we ever separated. She is moving back home a few weeks before we leave.

Suddenly, this past Friday evening she went N/C. She has turned off her phone and disabled her text messaging. She does not respond to emails. Today is Sunday and not a peep. This has happened before and it really drives me crazy. I have given up asking about the behavior because I never get an honest answer.

I'm guessing it has something to do with control and (her) fears. Any ideas about this?

[CodependentHusband]

colt81522,
     I think you have figured it out... but, then again, I could be wrong. My dBPDw essentially goes NC with me too... She's been doing it this week. I think it may be a few things... 1.) Control issue for her, 2.) She is depressed (and essentially being NC is a symptom of depression), 3.) She's angry at you for something, 4.) She is dissociating, and having the phone on interferes with that.

   Of course, there are other possibilities as well, but all we can really do is guess. My wife tends to 'shutdown' at times, and really shuts herself off from the whole world, including me. That's rather common and it comes and goes in cycles. When she is angry at me, she ignores just me, but, really, my wife's not a very socially-active person anyway.

    You know your wife best though... what do you think is causing it? Also, more importantly, what can you do about it? Is there a way that you can keep from letting it drive you crazy? I know that may be easier said than done, but it is possible.

[colt81522]

Thank you for your insights, codependentH.

I think our upcoming move to California and her having to leave her job - she's also a workaholic - are probably producing a lot of stress in her so perhaps her response is to isolate herself.

Such behavior, while she has done it before, is hard for me to wrap my head around because she's usually a very outgoing person - sometimes to the extreme, using manipulation and seduction very effectively on other people.

I also agree with you that there is probably some depression involved too because she also tends to drink much more than usual during these isolation episodes. In that respect I guess its better she's gone N/C because she can get pretty verbally abusive when she drinks that much.

Like you, I too have been frozen out when she is mad at me but I doubt that is the case this time.