Intimacy Anorexia

[Think About It...]

I wonder if that is a non-BPD related male/female thing?  I don't want to make generalizations here, but based on conversations with my friends it seems more common for men to have the feelings of closeness and connectedness after sex/physical contact vs. the women of my acquaintance who say they need to have the emotional intimacy first to be able to then give of themselves physically.  

Sure, but throw BPD into the mix and either one can go haywire.

[Auspicious]

I wonder if that is a non-BPD related male/female thing?  I don't want to make generalizations here, but based on conversations with my friends it seems more common for men to have the feelings of closeness and connectedness after sex/physical contact vs. the women of my acquaintance who say they need to have the emotional intimacy first to be able to then give of themselves physically.  

Sure, but throw BPD into the mix and either one can go haywire.

[xeon]

Sure, but throw BPD into the mix and either one can go haywire.

Absolutely... my wife's image issues create another little interesting twist.. been with her for 20 years and she still gets embarrassed in front of me.  That's one of a few BPD'sh issues that make intimacy odd with us.   

[mike sergent]

are you sure you're not talking about my uBPDw? i keep looking over my shoulder! my w does the same. "i'm tired" etc when i know she's wide awake. i simply accept this and hope for the best next time. what gets me is if she's wants to be intimate and i'm tired. she'll yell and scream about how much of a man i'm not and insult various parts of my anatomy. this stuff really twists that monkey in your head. she'll keep me up screaming all night, drag the sheets off the bed and insist i have sex with her right now or she'll go out and find someone who will. we've been married for 22 years and as of yet it hasn't happened. i believe it's because i've told her that that would be the grand and total end of us. this usually happens when i so sleepy i can't stay awake. it only really bothers me when she says this in front of our friends but it's happened so much that they don't even listen anymore. actually you'll see them heading towards the door. my uBPDw has a way of clearing a room! too bad she doesn't understand why everybody left!

[CodependentHusband]

I'm in my early 40's and I've yet to ever be too tired with any of my partners. I don't know if that's to brag about, or if it's just pathetic, but I suspect the latter.

[shatra]

Hi--
 Codependenth wrote
 I generally don't go in for a hug or kiss, or try to hold her hand. Should I be doing this, or would it be better for our relationship if I did put just a little more pressure on her to not practice this addictive behavior?

----I can identify. I feel upset because of the inconsistency.
Options I see are--

--Let the pwBP always initiate hugs and kisses (yet then I would be obsessing about why he didn't, and when the next time he will hug or kiss me might be!---i.e. Walking on Eggshells)

---Initiate hugs and kisses regularly (risk would be that because of his inconsistency, if I start consistent hugging and kissing, he will be cold at times because of the push-pull)

---Knithappens, you mentioned the book Everything Guide to BPD---can you share what the book is about?

Bye
Shatra
Bye

[CodependentHusband]

Shatra,
   You hit the nail on the head with my thoughts on this. Too much rejection was bad for my self-esteem. dBPDw did tell me once that she wanted me to try, but to not get my feelings hurt when she rejects me. Acceptance or not, rejection hurts.