DAY 1 OF "NO CONTACT" - Advise, experiences and suggestions wanted

[Think About It...]

DAY 1 OF "NO CONTACT" - Advise, experiences and suggestions wanted

Greetings,

After over 2 years of dealing with my exBPDgf, I had to finally cut it off. On top of the disorder, she's back to hard drugs once again. I guess that's the straw that broke the camel's back. Along with the plethora of the traits associated with the disorder. Just can't do it anymore, been putting my personal health aside to be a constant "caretaker" in this realtionship.

I understand that the following days, weeks, etc. are going to be tough. If anyone has suggestions as to the do's and dont's and experiences with going NC, I would greatly appreciate the support. BTW, we are not married, living together, mutual children, etc. I just want to attempt to minimize pain to both of us, and at the same time make sure I strong enough to follow through with complete NC, and not fall into a trap when I fall in times of weaknesses.

Thank you all,
M~
"Kobayashi Maru" -- Star Trek reference for no-win scenarios, or solutions that involves redefining the problem.

[PeaveyT40]

DAY 1 OF "NO CONTACT" - Advise, experiences and suggestions wanted

Greetings,

After over 2 years of dealing with my exBPDgf, I had to finally cut it off. On top of the disorder, she's back to hard drugs once again. I guess that's the straw that broke the camel's back. Along with the plethora of the traits associated with the disorder. Just can't do it anymore, been putting my personal health aside to be a constant "caretaker" in this realtionship.

I understand that the following days, weeks, etc. are going to be tough. If anyone has suggestions as to the do's and dont's and experiences with going NC, I would greatly appreciate the support. BTW, we are not married, living together, mutual children, etc. I just want to attempt to minimize pain to both of us, and at the same time make sure I strong enough to follow through with complete NC, and not fall into a trap when I fall in times of weaknesses.

Thank you all,
M~
"Kobayashi Maru" -- Star Trek reference for no-win scenarios, or solutions that involves redefining the problem.

[mscj]

Were you living together? And if so was it your place or hers?

Block phone number.
Block FB.
Block email.
including her family and her friends.

Get busy doing things that you used to enjoy.  Do them even if you don't "feel" like it.

What ways can you start "caretaking" yourself?

It may be hard but I am glad that you have said enough!

mscj

[MirrorProof]

day 100 is when reality sinks in and the fog starts to clear

truth: it will get worst before it gets better

fact: when it gets better it just get better and better

you may relapse, dont start getting complicent over 1 day of NC

get ready for spiritual awakening, it will be up and down, getting balance of your mind, body and soul is the goal

if your serious then ill help as much as i can

theres work to do now

[Sofie]

Hi Peavey,

Congratulations - you have made the very healthy and important decision to take responsibility for your own healing. Good work already!  Furthermore, you're at an advantage over many here in that you, as you say, don't have obligations that bind you to your ex, which will be very helpful for you in your recovery.

In the very early stages of NC, the best you can do is to be as good to yourself as you possibly can - spoil yourself! Spend as much time as you can doing things you like - hobbies, trips, whatever you are into. If you can afford it, give yourself gifts, go to restaurants you like, get new clothes. Reconnect with friends and people who care about you as much as possible.

Many of us who were in BPD relationships did not look after ourselves - get the sleep you need, eat healthily, go to the gym. Try to see it as your project to look after yourself - physically and mentally - in the best way possible in the coming time. This will help strengthen you for the tough times and anchor your attention in your own needs and not those of your exBPD.

Block all means of easy contact with your exBPD - block her number, her Facebook, her emails. In that way you won't be disturbed in your healing process by her reaching out to you and you won't as easily fall for the temptation of contacting her if (or when) you begin missing her.
And, very importantly, consider seeing a therapist, if you are not already, who can help support you and understand your feelings in this important period. Take care of YOU.  

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[whatarideout]

if you're willing to do the push ups day in and day out, you will get stronger.

you can do this.

[nonbpd]

Were you living together? And if so was it your place or hers?

Block phone number.
Block FB.
Block email.
including her family and her friends.
Get busy doing things that you used to enjoy.  Do them even if you don't "feel" like it.
mscj

Hi PeaveyT40!
Congrats for the decision! I know it doesn't feel right now like a moment when congrats are in order, but believe me! It is! When a woman gives birth it has to hurt like hell before she has the wonderful moment when she can hold her baby in her arms! Probably congrats during labor is not something that all women can appreciate ). Anyway! I totally agree with mscj! These are the first things you should do when going NC! Block! Block! Block! I know it is frightening!  The thought of never talking to them, knowing anything about them! I know you might feel guilty, or whatever! It is normal Repeat yourself it is just the withdrawal effects! It is not true! Believe me! Resist the soul and physical pain that you will feel by staying away! Maybe seeing a therapist will be recommended!
Writing here everything you are going through will help! You will get support from people that understand you!
Set short term goals: have to stay in NC for 2 weeks no matter what! After 2 weeks set another 2 weeks after you see how it feels. Change strategy according to what happened during this 2 weeks. To have it right long term you have to see what works/ not works for you! DON'T LYE TO YOURSELF! HAVING SOME CONTACT DURING THIS PERIOD IS NOT A THING THAT "WORKS FOR YOU". IT IS A LYE YOUR CHEMICAL IMBALANCE TELLS YOU!
Meanwhile be occupied even if you don't fell like it! This is the time to stress out your friends   kidding! but not really!  ;p  get out, visit your family! Have active occupations(sports, dancing, visiting new places, meeting new people, etc), don't stay in the house and try to stay away from alcohol! It make you do stupid things you will regret!
Don't date immediately! It will make you feel worse for a lot of reasons! (if you want I can get into details even here)
Prepare to have solution for situations that can occur: how can she get to me? Where can we meet? etc...and have plans for every situation witch means: DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE HER! Do not respond to things she says to people! Let her paint you black! Believe me! I have been through this: if you stay away from the drama, people will see how crazy she is! I f you get involved you will be as crazy as she is if not crazy-er (if you respond they get calmer, and you get progressively angrier, if you don't respond, it makes them crazy!- this is how the cycle works).
Try to separate the person you created in your head from the person she really is! I know she was wonderful, sexy, kind, loving, gentle, blah blah blah! Believe me! It was all in your head! They are like chameleons, changing their color so their victims don't see well the reality!
Admit you can express your thoughts about the reality only after some time of NC. During this time all you can express yourself is about what you feel! Not what you think! It is ok though! We were dis-regulated! Own it! We all have the right to be weak, blind, dramatic sometimes!
Another advice would be: don't have just one friend around! You will drain him! I did this! Share in as many part as you can your drama! (of course to people that care about you) These days you will feel the need to talk all the time about this subject and you will drive people around you crazy no matter how much they love you! A good suggestion is enter here and write! write! write!
Try not to punish yourself to much these days: drink to much! Smoke to much! etc!
Try to stay away as much as you can from fb, msn, her house, her friends, family, etc!
Admit these days logic will not be your strong characteristic! Emotions will! That is why keep a friend close to remind you what is logic! Act on what you should do not on what you feel like doing!
Ok! If I think of other things what helped me I would enter and tell you!
Meanwhile, I really know what you are going through! It is hard! But you are stronger than you give yourself credit for! Believe me! That is how we can put up with their temper!
Big   !

[Faded]

If your truly ready within yourself then you need to completely block all angles of communicarion or at least know that you are strong enough to ignore any contact attempt.
IF you do respond or reply it doesnt mean you have failed in any way, it just means you are not totally ready just yet.
If you do maintain NC on all levels then within a few months you will be reaping the benefits for yourself.

Keep us upto date with your progress and be honest with yourself.

Theres plenty of people here who will offer you very sage advice and help you find your strength and support you through this tough time.

Stay strong and mentally focused 

[PeaveyT40]

First and foremost, thank you all for the support and encouragement that I have received in such a short amount of time. I cannot express the gratitude 

Please pardon me if I ramble in the next few paragraphs, but I'll freely admit that I'm feeling a wide range of emotions at the moment. I'm feeling scared, weak, lonley, and have a great fear that I may relapse after a few days. I even feel right now that there will never be someone else out there for me. However, I logically know that a relapse will only make things much, much worse even if says she has "changed" (). And yes, drinking to get me through this has crossed my mind. But I'm fortunately aware that it would make things worse, leading me into a further depression, impairing my judgement, and increasing the chances of having a relapse with the relationship.

I've been using this site for a while to learn what this BPD thing was all about. I knew fairly early in the realtionship that something was just not right, different from anything that I had experienced. I guess I stayed in it so long due to the intoxicating effects when you're painted white, I know that I'm far from perfect, but being painted white is such an incredible feeling. On the other side of the coin, when I was painted black, WOW! So back and forth it goes. I had previously posted on both the "Staying" and "Leaving" forums in the past because I was in a state of confusion about what to do. I also read many of the articles and postings on going NC, because I knew that at some point that would be the ONLY way to go. I knew that there would never be a happy ending to this volitile relationship. I also knew that the longer it goes on the harder it would be. It's been nearly 2 1/2 years. This is hard enough as it is. So I did have at least a minor outline to follow when the time came. The time arrived. 

I'll try to answer most of the questions below in an effort to more specifically express the specific situation that I'm in. I do have a question first concerning one of the repeated advise that I've received, and please pardon my ignorance:

I have blocked her from FB, problem solved. As far as blocking her phone and email, wouldn't that show that I'm validating her in someway? Moreover, she can be extremely violent and abusive at times. Should something happen in the future, wouldn't any texts, messages, emails help should any legal action, such as a retraining order, be needed in the future? She's capable of becoming a stalker, physically abusive to extremes, and has even threatened to burn down my house on several occassions? I am very committed not to answer the phone or reply to any messages. That being said, any thought on this? By the way, I have already received three emails from her... straight to the archive file.

An extremely great advantage that I have is that there is nothing tangible that connects us. The home is mine. She has an apartment about 10 miles away from me. We lived together at my house very briefly, but her physical abuse and threats af vandilizing the home made it very evident that I could not have her in MY house. So she has her place and I have mine. We are not married. Do not have children together. Do not have any financial accounts or any other mutual accounts. All her stuff is at her place, and I have nothing there whatsoever.

My social support is somewhat limited since that is one of the things they tend to want, eliminate and separate you from your closest support so they can have you to themselves. I do have about four very close friends  that understand what I've been going through and can and have reached out to them. One of them lives about 4 hours away and has more than welcomed me to stay there for a week or more if I need a change of scenary and get far away from it all. It's an option that I'm seriously considering. Ironically, or not, these of my closest friends have been suggesting that I leave this relationship for a long time. They've told me I'm not the person they use to know: happy, easy-going, fun, etc. I know that the more time that passes, the easier it will get, but I also know it's difficult to see that right now. And, of course, the relationship has greatly diminished my personal well-being since I have gone to great lenghts to put her needs above of mine. I just can't anymore, I've been drained by a vampiric parasite. I have also been seeing a therapist for a while to assist me in making sense of what I've been experiencing. (She's also been a patient of his for a few sessions). His advice to me basically from the begginning has been to end it and move on, either spend many years of your life being a "caretaker" if I stay, or move forward with my life. The relationship tends to keep you in quick-sand, slowly sinking and unable to move forward. It's taken me this long to finally commit to get away due to the Fears, Obligations, and Guilt (F.O.G.) that engulf me. I feel that I am finally at a point to face these issues. Rule #1: NC. Rule #2 is not even considering going back to the relationship by disillusioning myself that this time it will be better. I want to express that I do wish for her the best in life, but I know it's not a role that I'm able or willing to fulfill.

I am aware that NO CONTACT means NO CONTACT! I think I'm strong enough to commit to that, but honestly only about 99% sure. I also know than ANY contact, no matter how short or simple, opens up the gates to be sucked back in before I even realize it. It's very, very likely that she'll attempt suicide once again in an effort to gain my attention. I assure you that this tactic will not work AGAIN. I also do have a concern that she might just show up abruptly at my front door? What options would I have if that were to happen?

Thank you all again. I'm one of those people who don't like asking for help, but I also know that I can't accomplish the mission at hand by myself. I also knaow that many of you have gone through similar situations and can actually relate to what's going on. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[nonbpd]

Dear PeaveyT40,
I was the queen of wounded souls! I was the therapist of all of my friends! When I needed help was a big ego-bruising experience for me: to ask for help! IIichhh! So I know what you mean. But like you, also my friends noticed a change in my calm, balanced, happy-way of living! I do appreciate though you are being honest with yourself! That is a huge quality that will come in great help in this process! Don't worry! Nobody knows who you are here...your image is un-spotted! And anyway this is also a lesson we learn after this relationships: we are not invincible! We need to learn to say no, and ask for things we need for ourselves. We need to stop ignoring our vulnerable side! People don't respect you less if you are human! Nobody expects you to be a robot! We are social beings so we need other people's intervention from time to time! So, I bet after you heal you will feel differently about this!
I admit I do not understand what you meant by this:"As far as blocking her phone and email, wouldn't that show that I'm validating her in someway? ". Can you please explain?
To get a restraining order means there is a way for her to stalk you. So if she comes to your house call the police. If she cannot contact you, reach you...why would you want a restraining order? From what? I think this is a bit of a wishful thinking! Be careful! Your mind now plays tricks on you! Believe me! Block her! Change your number!
As far as the example by burning the house! Committing suicide...did she ever attempt any of these things? They can say anything so they can get what they want! My ex was calling me constantly to say he will commit suicide, I was taking taxi at 5 in the morning to get to him to stop him, he used me 4 what he needed and then I found out that hours before or after he was meeting very joyfully other women, and was lying to my face, or even released all his anger on me, and then sent me home! He was even a cutter, so at first he convinced me he is attempting suicide. After a while I understood he was doing that anyways, but not trying to die. Just manipulation!I am not saying she cannot do it. But if you hear she wants to do it, solution is simple: call 911! You don't do anything yourself! She was like this before meeting you and she survived! She will survive from now on to! Anyway YOU ARE NOT IN ANY WAY RESPONSIBLE TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR HER!
As far as burning your house, I believe is just a manipulation tactic, but, to be safe: do you have written proof of this? You can show it to the police! Show it to people!
You are liky like me: she was just your gf! Wow! You cannot know what advantage we have: nothing to share! Be grateful!
She cannot threaten you if she cannot get to you! If she comes over to the house call the police! Do not let her into the house! Do not talk to her! There is a lot of cases here where for different reasons (neighbors, hope you can reason with them...) people allow them to get into the house, BPD attacked them and they turned out in jail! Do not take risks! Don't fall into the trap! Try to be accompanied all the time for a while by friends, colleagues. Try to have witnesses! First they usually come crying, begging, if you refuse them then they can become violent. Do not respond in any way to the begging. Ignore and leave!
Prepare to be provoked! She will tell people things about you, maybe damage some of your things! Protect as much as you can, the rest consider them just investments in your health! Do not respond to her challenges..let her say whatever!
Like I said in my previous post: do what you think not what you feel! It is sooo normal to feel one think when logic tells you another! Just know that this is the worst period you will be in your life! As soon as you begging as soon you will get over with it! If you give in, this period will start again and again! It is not in your advantage to re-live it more that once! Plus, when you give in at one of her manipulation she will learn one more soft spot you have witch she can use to drag you in over and over!
Ok, the worst thing in all this story is this: it is the most horrible truth but she is not the person you think she is!  She is whom ever you liked her to be so that she can use what she needed! With the people before you she was whom ever they needed, and this will go on forever! We feel terribly used after this truth, and seems we sacrificed for nothing all this time! But sorry! There is no nice way to put it! Get this truth to help you to not give in!
Sorry if I am a bit tough! But unfortunately there is not a nice way to describe it! I wish I can tell you it is not as ugly as it is...but...
Be prepared these days to feel physically bad! It is ok...means `1the venim is getting out! Please...even though it is hard...and our natural instinct is to do anything to not feel it...do not turn to her for help! She will make it worse and kick you even more with pleasure when she will see you in that state! I know it from my own experience. Just take my word for it! My ex bf was not aggressive at all, was very child like but a constant drama queen. But when I was in my lowest depression and asked for help the monster came out! He just told me to never call him again because he doesn't owe me anything, and ignored my pleading for days. If he answered was only to tell me I was crazy, he will call the police on me if I did not stop, or my work to tell my boss I am stalking him...etc, etc, etc!
Sorry I am a bit tough, maybe because I am also tired! But we are here for you! We know it is harder that you can put it in words! Please just take our words for it! After the first period,which is hell... things get better! I promise!
Any questions you might have...don't hesitate!
Take care and much power to you! You can do it! Every day that will pass you will feel like another battle you've won! Than slowly you will win the war! Just hang on!
                       

[PeaveyT40]

Thank you very much "nonBPD."    You are not being tough whatsover. In fact it helps to hear the harsh reality so I don't keep falling back into the "maybe next time will be different" scenario. It's Day 2 now, and it feels like it's getting tougher. But I also expect that it will get worse before it gets better. Yes, she has attempted suicide before and almost succeded a couple of times. She also was a former cutter. I also know that she's not the person that I've been disillusioned to belive she is. She has proven that many times, but I guess I've been in a stage of denial and resisting acceptance of many of the truths that I know logically, but my emotions want me to see what I want to see. And it's also true that when there were times that I needed a little comforting or was feeling down, she would prey on those weaknesses and make it worse.

As far as blocking her number and email, I think you're also right. In all honesty, although I'm not answering or responding, I am almost addicted to the fact that she is attempting not to let me go. Makes me feel wanted, needed? But I also know that it's not due to "Love" but to attempt to continue to "Use" me. This is also a fact I've known logically, but my emotions to tend to distort the logic.

I KNOW that I can NEVER go back. But I also know that when I'm in phases of weakness, I could probably justify it in some sort of distorted fashion. But again, I am FULLY committed not to do so. I know that it would only be worse and letting go again will be so much more tougher. RULE #1 = NO CONTACT. That's what I must remember ALL of the time.

Thank you so much again!

[Sofie]

In all honesty, although I'm not answering or responding, I am almost addicted to the fact that she is attempting not to let me go. Makes me feel wanted, needed? But I also know that it's not due to "Love" but to attempt to continue to "Use" me. This is also a fact I've known logically, but my emotions to tend to distort the logic.

I KNOW that I can NEVER go back. But I also know that when I'm in phases of weakness, I could probably justify it in some sort of distorted fashion.

First off, I think you're doing really great with your ability to analyze and reflect on your own feelings and reactions right now.  

I know exactly how you feel about this - for me, NC was extremely easy as long as my ex still tried to get in touch with me. The fact that she still wanted me made me feel in control, made me feel that I had the upper hand.
I know that this may be contrary to what one would normally think, but in the early stages of NC, I think it is very important to keep telling oneself to trust one's head and not one's heart. Your feelings are playing tricks on you right now. Don't listen to what they tell you in relation to your ex, keep listening to what your reason tells you and eventually your heart will catch up with your head. Keep up the good work!

[nonbpd]

As far as blocking her number and email, I think you're also right. In all honesty, although I'm not answering or responding, I am almost addicted to the fact that she is attempting not to let me go. Makes me feel wanted, needed? But I also know that it's not due to "Love" but to attempt to continue to "Use" me. This is also a fact I've known logically, but my emotions to tend to distort the logic.

You will see even after you do all this your body will still react for as while to the possible danger, even after the events are gone. The body and the emotions take a longer time to heal before your mind does. Actually our mind gets well pretty fast. Our logic is perfect after just a few weeks of NC. Different thing about our emotions! And that is what makes us crave them. I know very well how his atention made me addicted. I was praying for anything! Even a gossip! A new picture on FB...SOMETHING! ANYTHING! When I heard he was calling my friends I was happy inside...for a while...until I came to my senses! In time it will diminish. After you proces the information a bit.

I KNOW that I can NEVER go back. But I also know that when I'm in phases of weakness, I could probably justify it in some sort of distorted fashion. But again, I am FULLY committed not to do so. I know that it would only be worse and letting go again will be so much more tougher. RULE #1 = NO CONTACT. That's what I must remember ALL of the time.
Another thing I want to underline: NC doesn't mean not talking to her! NC means no searching for infos about her, not reading her texts, emails, peking her fb acount, etc! NOTHING! It doesn not mean not talking about her This you can do! In fact it is good to let it out! To find the answers about wwhy you chose to be with such a person. RFead more on wwhat NC with BPD mean.

You are doing a great job! You seme to be a very nice, intelligent person! When this will pas, even though now you cannot see it you will have a wonderful life! All this  qualities will be greatly apreciated by the next love in your life! But this topic is much to premature now! Plus you will see, these horrible experiences teach us valuable lessons that make us respect ourselves, our needs more! You wwill learn to put yourself first!

[Forever]

You do need to be careful cause where I got caught up is when she would stop texting me and then my mind would race and I would usually throw out some sort of contact to get her starte again. You have been dealing with this drama and neediness for 2 years and I know it seems like it will good to get that out of your life, beleive me a part of you will miss it when ita completely gone.

[nonbpd]

I totally agree Forever!
That is why I changed my number and block her everywhere also. To have the sense of me choosing it! Told everyone I did it, also his friends if I had the ocasion so that if I was tempted to fail, I knew that I would make a total ass of myself! It doesn't mean that some days I did not want to kickmyself for not allowing me to re-engage! My emotions were against my initial choise! But it is good I did so! I took measures against myself! The one I trusted the least from all this ecuation!

[mscj]

Hurrah for day 2!

You are still here talking to us and working through it.  Keep on reading here.  Keep on writing here.  We are with you!

mscj

[1989]

The hardest part to accept is that it will NEVER work.  There is no mind game we can play, no tricks we can pull to "make it work this time."  I totally understand what you mean about validating her by blocking her.  What you have to remember at all times is THIS IS NOW ABOUT YOU.  She knows what kind of hold she has on you, so NOT blocking her isn't going to make her think she doesn't have that hold.

The ONLY way for you to get better is to go NC.  Not as a game, not as a punishment, not as a threat.  NC helps you to get back you.  I swear, I feel like they inject us with their toxin (maybe that's what all the great sex is about), and ANY exposure from them at ANY time, activates that poison in us and all those shtty feelings come back.

NC is your detox time.  At first it feels great because you've decided to do it and you have put it in motion.  Not long until the cravings start again.  It can seem nearly unbearable.  But what happens if you make contact again is you feel better while you are doing it, and even for an hour or so after you have, but then those HORRIBLE feelings start welling up again. 

Trust me, if you STAY in NC, you WILL get better and better and better.  Break it, and you have to start ALL OVER.  Once you do the hard work and you are over this person, don't for one minute think you can pick up the phone and call so that you can "end it on a nice note" or rub it in their face how well your life turned out.   You will either be sucked back in, or you will end up feeling so hurt you wish you could die!  I can't explain it...it is beyond explanation.  Just trust me--I have 23 years experience with the same pwBPD.

[MirrorProof]

The hardest part to accept is that it will NEVER work.  There is no mind game we can play, no tricks we can pull to "make it work this time."  I totally understand what you mean about validating her by blocking her.  What you have to remember at all times is THIS IS NOW ABOUT YOU.  She knows what kind of hold she has on you, so NOT blocking her isn't going to make her think she doesn't have that hold.

The ONLY way for you to get better is to go NC.  Not as a game, not as a punishment, not as a threat.  NC helps you to get back you.  I swear, I feel like they inject us with their toxin (maybe that's what all the great sex is about), and ANY exposure from them at ANY time, activates that poison in us and all those shtty feelings come back.

NC is your detox time.  At first it feels great because you've decided to do it and you have put it in motion.  Not long until the cravings start again.  It can seem nearly unbearable.  But what happens if you make contact again is you feel better while you are doing it, and even for an hour or so after you have, but then those HORRIBLE feelings start welling up again. 

Trust me, if you STAY in NC, you WILL get better and better and better.  Break it, and you have to start ALL OVER.  Once you do the hard work and you are over this person, don't for one minute think you can pick up the phone and call so that you can "end it on a nice note" or rub it in their face how well your life turned out.   You will either be sucked back in, or you will end up feeling so hurt you wish you could die!  I can't explain it...it is beyond explanation.  Just trust me--I have 23 years experience with the same pwBPD.

100% agreed

[Went_there]

Tomorrow will be day 2!

Don't obsess. Don't check out her facebook, twitter etc. Remember the awful things she does and that she won't change. Never ending story right there.

And she AIN'T ever going to get better.
10 years down the line, where do YOU want to be? In a relationship with an emotional drug addicted roller coaster?

Don't get weak. Sooner or later this was going to have to happen. The more time you spend in the relationship the harder the finale will be.
Get it over with now and go find yourself a good woman who will enrich your life.

[seeking balance]

The best single piece of advice that I can give you during the first 90 days...print out article 9 - http://BPDfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a109.htm - read it often.

Be kind and gentle with yourself and when/if you feel like breaking contact figure out which of the 10 false beliefs from this article are triggering you.  Make this your mantra daily of why to stay NC - every excuse to break contact is in the 10 false beliefs.

Peace,
SB

[PeaveyT40]

2 Weeks today of maintaining complete NC. YAY for me! 

Sorry for giving myself a pat on the back, but I have not received one in a long time .

My sincerest apologies for not providing an update sooner, but even as much as I prepared for it, actually going NC was tougher than I thought it would be. These have really been a very, very rough couple of weeks. I can't thank enough the support you and this site have given me. I don't think that I could have made it this far without the support. Honestly, I KNOW I could not have done it. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I have blocked her from EVERYTHING including FB, phone, texts, emails, etc. I did this after Day 2 as I read all the advice I was given and the posts from other victims. I now know that my initial emotional thoughts were flawed when I was _

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