Have you ever tried Al-Anon? It is support group for family of alcoholics/addicts. I have never made it to a group, but I have attended family groups when my dd was in rehab. Al-Anon was highly recommended.
Why was your dd only in detox for 10 days? Usually, there is detox, then short-term rehab. It is usually, a 28 day program. I can see her detoxing in that amount of time, but not enough time to work on addiction. A dual diagnosis treament would be ideal.
Many parents with addicted children become co-dependent. I am the mother of an addict. I have enabled. We learn along the way. I learned to quit giving her money. I have heard stories of a dealer that threatened her if she did not pay money. I was a fool and gave her the money to keep her safe. Later, I learned that I was just giving her money to buy more drugs. I told her that I would no longer pay off any money to dealers. If she would put herself in that position, she better be prepared to get out of it. I refused to pay anybody. So, that line stopped. She would think of all kinds of ways to get money from me. And, I learned to stop giving her cash.
My dd would blame her behavior on me, while she was raging. She may have been raging because I would not let her take my car. She carried on like a two year-old. And, she said that she probbaly would not have a drug addiction, if my sister was her mother. It was my fault that she was an addict because I was not a good mother. I could count on one hand, the amount of times that she said it. It was, jsut a few, but it sure did sting when she said it. Then, other times, she would say, it was not my fault tht she was screwed up. She said that she gets it from her dad. But, I believe she was cruel because she needed to go out and get a fix.
I think that my dd is doing okay with her addiction, currently. However, she is still a pot smoker. And, I am curious as to how she lost so much weight in a short amount of time. She has been in methadone tratment and is weaning to get off of it. She claims that her weight loss was due to her anti-depressant. However, I kow that is not true. I had to go to her apartment to shut off her crock pot. I could not resist the urge to count her Effexor. There were only 3 pills missing, so I know tht it was not that. And, she does not even realize that I caught her in a lie, today. I did not call her on it, though. It was not worth the battle. I was telling her how the anti-depressants my dr. prescribed me made me feel like a zombie. She said that she felt the same way ad had to quit taking her pills. hmmm... So, how did she lose her weight, so fast?
I just have to believe that she is doing okay. I think that she may lost her weight, with the aid of Adderall. I know that she told me that she was disappointed that her psychiatrist did not prescribe it. So, I suspect that she got some, somewhere. Perhaps, he did prescribe it, but she is not telling me about it. I just choose not to go searching. She is an adult, living on her own. As long, as she is not jeopardizing my gs, I am fine.
I have reached a place where I have let go. Our relationship is so much better. We rarely have arguements, anymore. Not living with her, anymore, and letting go.
I will tell you the words that my former T told me - Do not rescue her. Do not bail her out, financially. I don't know if anyone suggested the book by Gary & Joy Lundberg. "I DON'T HAVE TO MAKE EVERYTHING ALL BETTER". That book is fantastic, and I still pull it out for a refresher every now and then.
Also, I have learned not to take things so personally, from my uBPDd. I tell myself, it is the BPD. And, this will pass...