Dangers of Enmeshment

[Think About It...]

Does anyone know how Enmeshment got generally confused with Love? 

I meet lots and lots of people who think the more they are enmeshed with someone, the more in love they are with that person.  Ugh.

Remembering the short discussion that we had, you and me, about spirituality and religion, doesn't the Bible say that the spouses would become one flesh...?

Unconsciously, to believers or not, tradition and religious background might have an impact on how things are perceived in that regard. Dunno...

i do not recall having such previous discussion with you and i have a pretty good memory.  are you sure it was me?  anyways, a vein feels like its about to pop in my head being reminded of the "two shall become one flesh" because my BPDw used to wear it out until the end of time.  i literally got sick of hearing it after awhile. 

a friend of mine who is a pastor explained that my BPDw had it all wrong. that scripture did not mean we were supposed to literally be the same person, even though i can understand how some people can take it that way though.

i was not directing my query to just believers.  i have spoken with oodles of unbelievers who think the same way, meaning enmeshment = oooooooh i love that person sooooooooooooo much.  i think tv/movies has something to do with it more so than the Bible.

[goinbonkers]

Does anyone know how Enmeshment got generally confused with Love? 

I meet lots and lots of people who think the more they are enmeshed with someone, the more in love they are with that person.  Ugh.

Remembering the short discussion that we had, you and me, about spirituality and religion, doesn't the Bible say that the spouses would become one flesh...?

Unconsciously, to believers or not, tradition and religious background might have an impact on how things are perceived in that regard. Dunno...

i do not recall having such previous discussion with you and i have a pretty good memory.  are you sure it was me?  anyways, a vein feels like its about to pop in my head being reminded of the "two shall become one flesh" because my BPDw used to wear it out until the end of time.  i literally got sick of hearing it after awhile. 

a friend of mine who is a pastor explained that my BPDw had it all wrong. that scripture did not mean we were supposed to literally be the same person, even though i can understand how some people can take it that way though.

i was not directing my query to just believers.  i have spoken with oodles of unbelievers who think the same way, meaning enmeshment = oooooooh i love that person sooooooooooooo much.  i think tv/movies has something to do with it more so than the Bible.

[moonunit]

Awesome topic - i know i am co-dependant, but i never fully understood the level of enmeshment that i had got myself into.
The comment about them acting like a child, have emotional needs of a child, its exactly what i am facing. My SO lost her Mother 2 yrs ago, her Mother was her everything to her and her kids, she always ran to her Mom to fix her problems, take ownership of her feelings, raise her kids etc, since then she is more clingy then ever before, all the while i thought i was being supportive and helping her get through a very very tough time, i never fully realized that i was being pulled into her world and becoming totally enmeshed with her. I am starting to do little things for myself, she fights and resists it every single time, i now understand that her reactions are based on fear ( abandonment ) which leads into anger ( dysregulations ). It really is  moment for me, thank you for this thread !     

[LoveNotWar]

I hadn't given much thought to enmeshment because I am a very independent person, lived alone for many years, raised a daughter who is as independent as I am.

But as I read this thread I see how bad my h WANTS that enmeshment. It must be so frustrating for him that he hasn't been able to move us in that direction. He has said things like I'm not a team player and he loves it when we have the same thought at the same time.

He has a difficult time when we discuss a current event and my perspective doesn't mirror his.

It makes me wonder why he ever married me to start with. 

So, I guess this is one aspect where I've held my boundary, unknowingly, but probably also a reason he dysregulates.

Interesting...

[CodependentHusband]

LNW,
    What I've found interesting is that my dBPDw has stopped trying to be enmeshed with me (at least for now... things are apt to change, I'm sure. ). At the same time, she's been more affectionate than she was before her last month-long dysregulation marathon.

 I feel like I am painted gray instead of white... That's definitely a good thig, especially since she seems more at ease with me. I do have to admit though, her not being in a pull cycle after this push, but instead acting more healthy in the relationship does put me off just a little. When you get used to that over-the-top validation your pwBPD throws at you when you are idealized and it's not there, I think it makes you suspicious. I'm thinking now, "This is GOOD... let's maintain it, honey!" but I don't think I'll be telling her that in those words. 

[bpdlover]

Upon recollection grey was alright, for a while, like anything except pitch black. There were times I was so convinced she had it beat, she was handling the pressure's of children's, listening to how my work was going and offering input. There was always hope in terms of learning to read each other. I think we did well considering the obstacles.

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