Why do I feel like I need a man?

[Think About It...]

It's been a long time since I have been on this sight; actually over a year, I think; before my divorce was final. I was married for 27 yrs & have been so emotionally battered. I've been divorced just over a year, but separated for almost 3 years. I am completely NC with my ex.
I have been dating a very nice man for 8 months now. We seem to have a great relationship, but I'm scared. I don't trust myself. I don't trust my judgement. Why do I feel like I NEED a man in my life? Is this typical after coming out of such control, walking on eggshells & emotional abuse for so long? I feel such comfort when I am with this new man. In January, I asked him if he felt like we were at the point of not dating anyone else-he said
"no" that he was afraid to commit; he doesn't want to get hurt either. That was a good thing, because I wasn't ready either, I just wanted security. I see that He's been divorced twice & has a good relationship with his 2nd ex because of their son- I am glad about that- it's a healthy relationship & good for his son.  We talked about this same thing a couple of months ago-he actually brought it up & I told him I didn't trust myself & my feelings; he was supportive. Now I'm feeling I need the commitment- I have given my body, feelings, & so much time to this man & It is wonderful feeling this way. But now I'm scared again. What is wrong with me; I still feel so insecure. Why can't I just be happy with me by myself? Or is it okay to be this way? I'm so confused

[ejsb79]

It's been a long time since I have been on this sight; actually over a year, I think; before my divorce was final. I was married for 27 yrs & have been so emotionally battered. I've been divorced just over a year, but separated for almost 3 years. I am completely NC with my ex.
I have been dating a very nice man for 8 months now. We seem to have a great relationship, but I'm scared. I don't trust myself. I don't trust my judgement. Why do I feel like I NEED a man in my life? Is this typical after coming out of such control, walking on eggshells & emotional abuse for so long? I feel such comfort when I am with this new man. In January, I asked him if he felt like we were at the point of not dating anyone else-he said
"no" that he was afraid to commit; he doesn't want to get hurt either. That was a good thing, because I wasn't ready either, I just wanted security. I see that He's been divorced twice & has a good relationship with his 2nd ex because of their son- I am glad about that- it's a healthy relationship & good for his son.  We talked about this same thing a couple of months ago-he actually brought it up & I told him I didn't trust myself & my feelings; he was supportive. Now I'm feeling I need the commitment- I have given my body, feelings, & so much time to this man & It is wonderful feeling this way. But now I'm scared again. What is wrong with me; I still feel so insecure. Why can't I just be happy with me by myself? Or is it okay to be this way? I'm so confused

[forgottenarm]

I think it's totally reasonable to want to be exclusive if you've been dating that long and sharing physical intimacy.  In fact, I find it a little alarming that he's still unsure.  Your gut's telling you what you need but your mind is questioning it---in part because of his reaction so far, I suspect.  IMO, your gut's got it right.

[ejsb79]

I didn't explain it properly in my first post! He has asked for a commitment twice since I had in January & I have been the one to say no. Now I feel ready, but still so untrusting of my own feelings

[forgottenarm]

Ohhhhhh!  I totally missed it!  So, the level of commitment you guys are talking about is exclusive dating?  What do you fear will happen if you take that step?