What were your pwBPD's friendships like?

[Think About It...]

Thank you guys, so much, for the replies! Looks like no type of relationship is immune from the crazymaking.

It was really hard for me to feel like I had to just 'know' when we were supposed to be close friends and when I was supposed to drop off the face of the earth. When I accidentally behaved close to him when he didn't want it, he'd say I was being pushy and needy. When he wanted to be close, or have friend-time, I was a selfish jerk if i couldn't make time for him. Everything had to be exactly on his terms.

In an outward sense, I've let go of him. He's a frequent visitor to where I work, so 'no' contact isn't an option, but I've managed to arrange my work schedule so that I haven't seen him in about 3 weeks. I have him blocked on social networking stuff. I have no idea what he's up to or if he's still with his girlfriend, but part of me still hopes that we could have a friendship once he breaks up with her and that now that I know a great deal about BPD. I'm having a hard time letting go of that idea and processing the fact that if he were to start another romantic relationship, the games would begin again.

[Belka]

Thank you guys, so much, for the replies! Looks like no type of relationship is immune from the crazymaking.

It was really hard for me to feel like I had to just 'know' when we were supposed to be close friends and when I was supposed to drop off the face of the earth. When I accidentally behaved close to him when he didn't want it, he'd say I was being pushy and needy. When he wanted to be close, or have friend-time, I was a selfish jerk if i couldn't make time for him. Everything had to be exactly on his terms.

In an outward sense, I've let go of him. He's a frequent visitor to where I work, so 'no' contact isn't an option, but I've managed to arrange my work schedule so that I haven't seen him in about 3 weeks. I have him blocked on social networking stuff. I have no idea what he's up to or if he's still with his girlfriend, but part of me still hopes that we could have a friendship once he breaks up with her and that now that I know a great deal about BPD. I'm having a hard time letting go of that idea and processing the fact that if he were to start another romantic relationship, the games would begin again.

[gettingoverit]

She did not have very many friends, and the one's she kept in regular contact with were not the most healthiest people out there. I guess birds of a feather applies in this situation.

[findingmyselfagain]

Almost zero friends. I chalked it up to her recently moving from out of state. But even there she had very few friends. I once asked her what happened and she told me "drama with the exH". Still, you'd think some of your true friends would've stuck around. She spent 99% of her time with me when we were dating. We hung out with her co-workers a few times, but that was the extent of her friendships. After we broke up, she re-friended her brother's exgf. I think just to keep from feeling lonely. She didn't really know my ex. She only had one long-term friend from when she was with her family as missionaries. I'm guessing she was pretty oblivious to who my ex really was, too, and was more of a yes-person.

My feelings is that her "friends" were mostly kept at a distance or agreed and supported her...didn't really know her. She painted her "best friend" black when she disagreed with my ex on circumcision. I remember her saying once that she THINKS she is my best friend. It sounded mean to me then...why didn't I realize I could end up the victim then? She'd usually dump people lightning fast off FB b/c of political comments, too.

I can't be angry with her, b/c I chose to be with her. She's a very damaged soul. I don't know that she'll ever be able to break the cycle. It's tragic that a human could be so damaged, but there's nothing we can or are required to do about it. It's life.

[ramble on]

Mine has not a single person she can call up and talk to as a friend. She has no one from before we met that she has kept in touch with either. She has tried a few times to cultivate a friend but it never lasts long. She starts to find something wrong with them and it just goes downhill from there. She really has no idea on how to develop and keep friends.

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? This board is for members with failed or failing relationships that want to detach from their relationship and relationship wounds. If you are still analyzing the decision to stay, please post on Undecided: Staying or Leaving All members living with a pwBPD should learn to use the Stop the Bleeding tools - boundaries, timeouts and other basic tools - to better manage the day to day interactions with your partner. If you have questions on any of the tools, feel free to go over to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner and ask for help. :-)

[bpdlover]

My ex had one friend/rescuer that I knew of. She lived away and upon moving back, they got together. Both seemed to have sordid stories between them of dysfunctional relationships with the guy always getting the blame. Nothing seemed to connect for long. There was the guy she kept hosting during our break ups that she referred to as a friend. Thing is, I'm not sure friends stay the night, just days after a break up or suddenly appear on the scene to take someone else's place. I believe that she will refer to her kids as friends at some stage. I find that sad.

[stillbreathing]

A couple of stories about "friends" but never actually saw or met one in our 3 years together.
She occaisonally had a like minded (cluster B) co-worker that she would sort of hang around with but they never lasted. She also had guys giving her supply at times but most of that was hidden from me until the end of the relationship