Religious counseling

[Think About It...]

I am considering asking my uBPDw if she would go to a religious (Primarily Catholic) couples retreat called Retrouvaille. It is for couples at risk experiencing issues and my understanding is that it is primarily a communication workshop.  Has anyone had any experience with the program? How was it received by the BPDso? I was thinking it may help her express herself and me to listen better.

We are both devote and when she begins to get dysregulated if I bring Jesus or God into the conversation she will bring herself back. If she is past the tipping point there is no religion that will bring her back.

[desperate dutchman]

I am considering asking my uBPDw if she would go to a religious (Primarily Catholic) couples retreat called Retrouvaille. It is for couples at risk experiencing issues and my understanding is that it is primarily a communication workshop.  Has anyone had any experience with the program? How was it received by the BPDso? I was thinking it may help her express herself and me to listen better.

We are both devote and when she begins to get dysregulated if I bring Jesus or God into the conversation she will bring herself back. If she is past the tipping point there is no religion that will bring her back.

[isilme]

Can you contact the people in the program and ask if they have dealt with BPD before?  I've heard of Retrouvaille, while I was researching overcoming pain from infidelity, and couples' counseling.

I've heard it is very good and has helped a lot of people.  But I DO know that if the counselor is not acquainted with BPD, sometimes, not to discourage you, more damage can be done if the pwBPD is a convincing 'victim'.  Then the 'non' can become the scapegoat for all things, even in the eyes of the T. 

DBT is usually the best thing for BPD - so I'd call and ask, or email Retrouvaille and ask if they know much about PD couples, or can recommend a trained person to help you in your area.   

[ellil]

I knew a couple who went to Retrouvaille and they are still together (it's been a few years) and although I haven't seen them for a while, last I did they were happy. They had been talking "separation" prior to that.

Before my non-ex and I divorced, my very traditional Catholic priest really tried to get us to go. It just never worked out where we could attend a weekend, and, we did eventually divorce.

Unfortunately, when mental illness is the cause of a problem in a marriage, the mental illness needs to be directly handled by an expert in the field of the mental illness. Retrouvaille is just not that. You can handle the symptoms one by one with various communication techniques, and maybe you'll learn a technique or two from them you haven't here and in therapy, reading, research, etc., but ultimately Retrouvaille isn't set up for mental illness.

Edit:

DBT is usually the best thing for BPD - so I'd call and ask, or email Retrouvaille and ask if they know much about PD couples, or can recommend a trained person to help you in your area. 

This is very good advice! Retrouvaille is a Catholic ministry, and they may well have someone they can refer to you who is both a therapist and within the scope of the Catholic faith (incorporates religion into the therapy)

M