hello

[Think About It...]

HI there I am new here.. a friend of mine suggested this site.. I met my BPD s/o 3 yrs ago and for the first yr and half it was all lovey dovey with some red flags I should have seen but he was so nice that I forgave those things.. than one night he came over and began accusing me of being with my ex husband and has never stopped accusing me or bringing up my ex (divorced 4 yrs) and he could never be more wrong.. when the first accusations started I found out he was cheating on me.. this hurt so badly.. the woman was very mean to me when I confronted her, she told me he didnt like my body and wanted to marry her all stuff he said to me about her as well.. he would rage, call me over and over and over cussing when I would answer the phone, than over and over and with me not answering the cussing turned into begging me back.. he broke things, etc.. than one day after she was stalking us both, he begged me back and apoligized.. so far that I know of its been over a yr now and he hasnt cheated but I feel like he would if the opportunity came up no matter how nice he is.. he still has rages from time to time and has stopped kissing me altogether, stopped saying I love you, but takes my bills and pays them and buys me presents all the time.. occasionally I will get an I love you.. its rare and I do love him and yes I chose to stay and that is why I am here to get support.. I just miss the guy I thought was him in the first place.. and yes it seemed too good to be true and I guess it was.. but here I am.. along with all of you staying and needing support.. thanks

[Katlvr]

HI there I am new here.. a friend of mine suggested this site.. I met my BPD s/o 3 yrs ago and for the first yr and half it was all lovey dovey with some red flags I should have seen but he was so nice that I forgave those things.. than one night he came over and began accusing me of being with my ex husband and has never stopped accusing me or bringing up my ex (divorced 4 yrs) and he could never be more wrong.. when the first accusations started I found out he was cheating on me.. this hurt so badly.. the woman was very mean to me when I confronted her, she told me he didnt like my body and wanted to marry her all stuff he said to me about her as well.. he would rage, call me over and over and over cussing when I would answer the phone, than over and over and with me not answering the cussing turned into begging me back.. he broke things, etc.. than one day after she was stalking us both, he begged me back and apoligized.. so far that I know of its been over a yr now and he hasnt cheated but I feel like he would if the opportunity came up no matter how nice he is.. he still has rages from time to time and has stopped kissing me altogether, stopped saying I love you, but takes my bills and pays them and buys me presents all the time.. occasionally I will get an I love you.. its rare and I do love him and yes I chose to stay and that is why I am here to get support.. I just miss the guy I thought was him in the first place.. and yes it seemed too good to be true and I guess it was.. but here I am.. along with all of you staying and needing support.. thanks

[goinbonkers]

 

sorry you had to go through all that.  i am sure the welcoming ambassadors will direct you to the Lessons.  it also helped me to read the Success Stories.  good luck.

[CodependentHusband]

I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through. My dBPDw doesn't tell me she loves me very much these days, and almost never kisses me, so, I know how tough that is on you. Like your pwBPD, she does show me in other ways sometimes. We happen to be coming out of a really dark cycle for her right now and things are improving, so hopefully things will get back to a place that I think we both want our relationship to be in.


Cheating is pretty hurtful too. I didn't think that my wife would ever cheat on me, and I have no direct evidence of it. I have suspected it from time to time when she has been particularly distant and accused me of cheating around the same time period, but I choose to trust her. Trust is a bit tough for us after someone has cheated on us. My ex-wife had an affair for the last six months of my first marriage. It's not my current dBPDw's fault, but it is my issue. Separating "my stuff" from "her stuff" is pretty helpful from what I have noticed. It give me some perspective on what I need to work on about myself.


What's been going on recently? You wrote that he rages. When was his most recent episode, and what was it about?

[needbpdhelp]

 Hi! Katlver

Do you know for sure he is BPD?

Has he been diagnosed, and if so has he accepted the diagnosis, and tried to do something about it?

What are all the symptoms he has that you know of?

[Katlvr]

He has not been diagnosed but everything on BPD I have read he has.. he also drinks..  his last rage was about 4 weeks ago when I found a strange number in his cell phone so I called it and some woman said a friend borrowed her phone to call the number, than the next day she was taunting me on text, than when I got her address and phone number and name from reverse phone look up and mentioned it all to her she said she had a husband and kids and doesnt even know my bf's name.. deny deny deny out of him too.. it could have been a wrong number but I saw a number w/same area code about a month ago and he said it was the box office of a place we frequent.. I called it and they said there is telemarketing but not from that number.. hmmmm well.. last time he cheated it hurt so bad and its hard to get these things out of my head.. maybe I am a little BPD over it... I am trying to replace the haunting thoughts of her voice and the bad thoughts with positive thoughts now which is helping.. before that rage.. I was waiting for him at pep boys he was meeting me while my car was getting the oil changed...he was late.. ( he is usually late to see me unless we are going somewhere he had planned).. I mentioned it and he went crazy, drove crazy to my place broke up with me on the way yelling and screaming how bad I treat him and dont appreciate him ( I tell him I love him all the time and do so many nice things for him.. ) all these things out of left field..also he seems obsessed with my ex husband of 4yrs ago, he has never even met him..he brings him up just about every time we are together.. if I mention an old movie he figures out the yr and says OH you must have seen that with your hubby when you were in marital bliss.. he is totally obsessed with my past and cant let it go.. so yes I think he has some form or totally BPD.. with some narcissistic qualities.. he will get out of bed in the morning and primp in the mirror and go back to bed.. Oh and if I cry while he is raging forget it.. it makes things 100 times worse..

[needbpdhelp]

Something to keep in mind is that even a clinical psychologist can't diagnose BPD until the drinking stops. There are way too many negative characteristics possible from just the alcohol.

Don't worry about the label for now. Learn some of the lessons on this site. The best therapy tools for BPD can help add hope to most relationships, and help all of us become stronger, more self-assured, and able to review and fine tune our own beliefs and values. We all have some mental health issues, and the healthier we are the more hope we have for a bright future, and to influence change in others.